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[Reg]

Fiery Trials
God is really heaping the blessings on me right now and I keep reminding myself to rejoice and feel honored for the burning that is happening. Yesterday I got to the point where I admitted that I cannot handle this trial on my own. I am powerless to even control my own body, the anxiety, stress shaking and nausea I feel. There is nothing I can say or do and I am powerless, exhausted, broken. I started to wonder why God is using me to stand up in this matter I am placed in. I am not courageous, brave or constant in unwavering faith. I am fighting a war within myself between what God is leading me to and my human side who wants to run away, hide and make it stop. I thought I was a disappointing failure and not living up to the example set by those God has called. I started telling God my inability and then something wonderful happened; I realized that it was not for me to be strong or to battle. I began recalling that God is my strength and he takes care of these things. God may be putting me here right now but it is good that I rely on his strength, and know that this is his work not mine. As the day has progressed and I felt the anxiety physically and my mind started to wander towards trying to control the situation or worry, I reminded myself that this is God's battle and I do not need to worry. God does not need me to win a victory for him. I am God's tool to be used as he sees fit. This reassures me greatly. I do request prayer and encouragement as this battle rages on. I want to be pleasing to God and keep my focus on his will in this. I truly look forward to when I can look back on this having learned and grown spiritually. This is so very painful.

It's been a few days since I originally wrote this. I find myself not feeling angry anymore. I wonder if I became so used to feeling distressed that now it feels weird without that. It is almost like hick ups when they first stop.

[Rhys 🕊]

Rom 12:12  Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.

Most people rejoice in what they have or what they feel. It's completely another thing to rejoice in the hope you have. Most people want more than just a hope. We discover it through the trials. I have never found an easy way to get there but God is in control of all so be patient as the work takes time.



Rom 5:2  Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God.
Rom 5:3  Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance,
Rom 5:4  and endurance produces character, and character produces hope,
Rom 5:5  and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.


There is great reward in discovering that love poured into your heart.

Rhys

[Reg]

That is really helpful. Thanks for the advice to rejoice in the hope. I did not realize that.

[Dave in Tenn]

It's been a few days since I originally wrote this. I find myself not feeling angry anymore. I wonder if I became so used to feeling distressed that now it feels weird without that. It is almost like hick ups when they first stop.

Yes, I can understand that.  I feel 'defined' by certain things and to see them removed makes me feel kinda weird at times.  Paul tells to to 'stop walking' in the pulls of the flesh...then it seems he tells us to 'start walking' in newness...like it's not just automatic that we do this.  Maybe a period of paralysis is not so uncommon.

[lilitalienboi16]

Hi Reg,

Welcome to the forums.

God willing you will find some refuge from your trials and room to grow here. I will keep you in my prayers by the grace of God.

God bless,
Alex