Dear Members,
I have been a lurker since 2010 or so. When I first came upon the site it was because I felt the need to be "a part of" something. The knowledge I have gained has been immeasureable. However, the big wave of life has taken over at this time and that deep urge to join a church is back.
Knowing that I am a sinning machine, I am not confident that I have taken the right course and feel shaky going before the Father in prayer. I have remained confident that it is all "God's will", but wonder if I am missing a step.
Since June 2014 I have been diagnosed with breast cancer, completed surgery, completed radiation, continue chemo (until Sept.) and will be taking hormonal therapy for five years. In Feb. my husband coded in the ER and had to go to a nursing home on a vent. Last week he coded again. He is responsive, but has an EF <5. He is end-stage CHF. My life has changed and I am anxious about what it will be. All I do know is that I want God in my life. To top off everything I continue to fight the urge to smoke again ( how crazy is that? [size=78%]). [/size]
Any advice is welcomed.
IbTee
Hi IbTee,
Welcome back! I'm sorry to hear it is under such difficult circumstances. I want to encourage you to draw close to God even if you know your consciouse is not completely clear.
Psalm 51:17 The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise.
Psalm 34:18 The Lord is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit.
Psalm 147:3 He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds.
Hearken to the words of King Solomon under the inspiration of God!
1 Kings 8:46-53
46 If they sin against thee, (for there is no man that sinneth not,) and thou be angry with them, and deliver them to the enemy, so that they carry them away captives unto the land of the enemy, far or near;
47 Yet if they shall bethink themselves in the land whither they were carried captives, and repent, and make supplication unto thee in the land of them that carried them captives, saying, We have sinned, and have done perversely, we have committed wickedness;
48 And so return unto thee with all their heart, and with all their soul, in the land of their enemies, which led them away captive, and pray unto thee toward their land, which thou gavest unto their fathers, the city which thou hast chosen, and the house which I have built for thy name:
49 Then hear thou their prayer and their supplication in heaven thy dwelling place, and maintain their cause,
50 And forgive thy people that have sinned against thee, and all their transgressions wherein they have transgressed against thee, and give them compassion before them who carried them captive, that they may have compassion on them:
51 For they be thy people, and thine inheritance, which thou broughtest forth out of Egypt, from the midst of the furnace of iron:
52 That thine eyes may be open unto the supplication of thy servant, and unto the supplication of thy people Israel, to hearken unto them in all that they call for unto thee.
53 For thou didst separate them from among all the people of the earth, to be thine inheritance, as thou spakest by the hand of Moses thy servant, when thou broughtest our fathers out of Egypt, O Lord God.
What is God's answer?
2 Chronicles 7:14 If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land.
Repent! He is faithful. Let your conscience be purged by the blood of Christ.
Matthew 9:13 But go ye and learn what that meaneth, I will have mercy, and not sacrifice: for I am not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance.
Matthew 3:2 And saying, Repent ye: for the kingdom of heaven is at hand.
2 Corinthians 7:9-10
9 Now I rejoice, not that ye were made sorry, but that ye sorrowed to repentance: for ye were made sorry after a godly manner, that ye might receive damage by us in nothing.
10 For godly sorrow worketh repentance to salvation not to be repented of: but the sorrow of the world worketh death.
My advice is repent and throw yourself at God's mercy. Humble yourself before the Lord and He will uplift you.
James 4:10 Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and he shall lift you up.
1 Peter 5:6 Humble yourselves under God's mighty hand that he may lift you up in due time.
Remember that it is through my tribulation we enter into the kingdom of heaven. Draw close to God and He will draw close to you. Hold onto Him with everything you've got, He is the only thing worth holding onto in this life. There is nothing greater or worth more of your attention than Him.
1 Peter 4:12-13
12 Beloved, think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened unto you:
13 But rejoice, inasmuch as ye are partakers of Christ's sufferings; that, when his glory shall be revealed, ye may be glad also with exceeding joy.
Lastly, be of good cheer for Christ is with us even unto the ends of the world and He has overcome the world.
I will keep you in my prayers.
God bless,
Alex