My girlfriend

[Mortemir]

Me and my girlfriend had a discussion about raising kids in the future.

She would like to bring the kids to the church every sunday and be more part of the church. I have explained her my belief and all that.

My problem is that i am uncertain how to respond, because i believer (probably not enough knowledge) in bibletruths.com.

I do not want to go back/join  the church again, because i would just think most of it is wrong.

If you look it in another way. If i had a girlfriend who was a atheist, then i would almost never share my belief and talk so much about God.

What kind of experience do you have?

[DEJI]

I suppose marrying an atheist isn't even an option because your beliefs are opposing each other. being married to a "Christian" won't be much fun either. I understand How you feel, I am in a somewhat similar situation but I am not dating anyone. I am almost getting used to the idea that I'll never marry.

[indianabob]

Good morning friend Mortemir,

As a grandfather with four adult children I can say that the most important thing to plan for regarding child rearing is unconditional love.
Unconditional love requires a parent's full attention and lots of quality time.
Unconditional love is best expressed within a position of respect from the child toward the parents. We cannot buy a child's respect with favors, it must be earned with love.

A child will come to love responsible parents automatically over time, the more important thing is to first earn their respect. Earning a person's respect requires a plan, a giving attitude and that plan will develop according to the personality of the parents. So you will need to do some research as you form a plan that both you and your wife understand and accept.

The plan needs to be flexible and yet long lasting, almost permanent. Children need dependable parents. To know that the parents will always provide a home and loving protection no matter what difficulties life brings to the family. Even in relative poverty, children will understand and respect their parents when love is the primary goal in the family unit.

So then, before you start a new family, make up your mind that it will be as long as you both shall live. 

Indiana Bob

[Kat]

Hi Mortemir,

Well I happen to think it's okay to marry somebody how does not have their minds open to this truth... IF they they are not steeped in religion/Christianity and are totally accepting of how you believe. I think waiting for a believer that you feel is right for you, is unlikely to say the least. And marriage to a unbeliever can work, it does for me.

Where your children are concerned, you are responsible for instructing them about the gospel of Christ... they really need to know the Bible stories and names of the people and it's good to start at an early age. Now parents can use the many books available that are on a child's level to teach them.

But I just could not go to a church to be instructed and preached at and interact with the people and listen to their conversation about their beliefs... as their understand is so dramatically different from what I/we believe. I mean how would you hold your tongue and not debate with them constantly? And what good would that do anyway, but create a confrontational and adversarial atmosphere every time you were there. I think it's the thing you cannot mix the new with the old.

Luke 5:37  And no one puts new wine into old wineskins; or else the new wine will burst the wineskins and be spilled, and the wineskins will be ruined.

I would not want and don't think I could be a part of a church that I disagreed with so completely on what they teach. And they would not want me there either... debating would eventually get you kicked out.

Now an option you might consider, if your girlfriend is insistent that children need to go to church. When they are school age just take them to Sunday school, drop them off and pick them up. Actually this is what my own parents did, they were not church goers at the time, so they took us to Sunday school. I know that is not ideal, but some churches have very active children department classes, where they can learn a lot about the Bible stories and enjoy the activities and you would have minimal contact with it. Of course you could/should certainly give your children further instruction at home. It's not a ideal solution, certainly would not be right for everybody, but maybe for some where a parent really desires the children to be churched, it is an options.

Anyway just wanted to give you my thoughts.

mercy, peace and love
Kat

[arion]

Hi

And welcome to the forum.  First of all you know that God is in control....right?  I understand that you want to do that which is right as we all do.  We have to be 'in' Babylon in order to come out of Babylon.  Also keep in mind that there is nothing that we can do in and of ourselves to bring someone to spiritual truth.  It has to be learned through trial and experience.  The end result will be for all to bend the knee and to declare that Jesus Christ is Lord.  You would be unable to convince your girl friend apart from God's influence that the church is part of the problem.  She has to discover that in time [if God is working in her] as you did.  This isn't an issue that I would personally dig my heels in over. 

God bless,

Doug

[Dave in Tenn]

I'm a single man without any kids.  That's my 'experience'.

This is also my experience:  After more than seven years of thinking on these truths as a grown-man having been raised in a church-going family, I am 100% convinced that these truths CAN BE taught to young ears.  The Family of God, the Salvation of All, the Sovereignty of God, death and resurrection, and the purpose of Evil.  It's grown-ups (especially those of us reared in lies) who struggle.

I'm assuming that at present you don't have kids, but are anticipating a possible future where you might have them and discussing how you want them raised.  Let me suggest this (in that context) during your discussion.  What if you said you will allow her to take them to church if you are allowed to teach them as well.  If she says 'no', then she is essentially saying that she wants to turn over the spiritual development of her children to others who YOU think are not equipped in the least to help. 

If she says 'no', and you 'go along', then you will be UNEQUALLY yoked.  Then my 'advice' is:  Do not be unequally yoked together with an unbeliever.

I'm not telling you not to marry.  I'm telling you don't get in that yoke if it is UNEQUAL.

I'm also not saying to you or anybody else that what I've described above is a 'wise way' to raise children.  But maybe it is a 'wise way' to talk about the future of raising children.  Even so, IF this is what you agree to, then be prepared to be a light of love and truth to contrast with the darkness, false love and carnal emotionalism of religion when those kids are born.

Hang in there.   

 

[judy]

Oh my, the thought of raising 4 kids again, makes me shake in my shoes. We sent the little "dears" to Catholic elementary school but what was more important than the school itself was the fact it had to continue at home. There had to be respect, tolerance and someone said here, unconditional love. When they hit the teenage yrs. it appeared all known church teachings flew out the window but it was the unconditional love why my kids would come to me and talk about everything I really didn't want to hear. I always expressed my faith and what i thought but didn't push it on them. We became quite secular in those years.  How can a child love God unless they are shown the love of God. We were not even near perfect, in fact, my husband wasn't much of a believer and it was pretty much up to me. They turned out decent in the end and follow the rules of society. Some are very strong believers but none really attend church, maybe on Easter and Christmas. Always with love, uphold them, encourage them, make them think for themselves and always forgive them. We are close except for one, she just doesn't like me (funny) but she knows I adore her and will always be there for her. She loves me I know it but whoa if you ever get a proud one in the bunch! Being a grandmother is much more fun.

[Dave in Tenn]

This was posted on face-book by a friend who is the mother of a five-year old girl, quoting her.

M: "Maybe God made silverfish so that people would be annoyed some of the time. I mean, what it we were happy all the time? We might get tired of it."

Yeah, I think 5-year-olds can understand these truths...maybe even add their understanding to ours....maybe even teach us.

[Mortemir]

Thanks for all the good answers

Kat: I agree with you, but I think she maybe want me to be in the church with her when the kids are in the sunday school.
She probably thinks it's littlebit weird that i disappear ever time i drop them of. Or how it works here is that sunday school starts 20 min. after the Church starts. So if they join sunday school then i also have to be in the church, to show my love to them, or that i care.
But if it is supposed to be that way let it happen. Only God knows.

Doug:  Everything you said is correct
Yeah, of course God is in control, i am just confused or don't have the knowledge to understand how i am supposed to do this.
I also thought the same thing about Babylon

I never think that i can convince her, only God can, but i have to find a way to live with that, and that's easier said then done. She probably thinks more about how she can convince me back to church I  really love her, only God can show me the way.


God bless

[lilitalienboi16]

I am raising a five year old daughter. God only knows I'm doing the best I can with being in medical school. She's usually asleep when I get home from a long day of studying but up until this point I have not taken her to church. I know God is capable of saving her without much of a church experience and if He decides one day that she needs to go into babylon before she can come out of her than that's fine by me. Right now I've taught her some basic truths but I havn't mixed em with the lies. I havn't taught her that dead people go to heaven and God flooded the world etc... etc..

I taught her very basic, profound, truths. God is the reason for all things around us, the universe, ourselves, He gives life to us and those who have passed will one day rise again. I don't tell her that death is like sleep because I don't want her at such a young age to misconstrue that to the point she becomes afraid of sleeping. Hah, crazy thought but it was my fiance who suggested I avoid explaining it as such until she is older. I conceded to her insight in the matter.

My daughter knows Jesus is God and that one day Jesus will bring back her 'pappi' to life. She also knows that everything we have is because God has been very merciful to us. Even the food. She knows to be grateful and I've taught her to say give thanks to God insight her head, she doesn't need to make a scene! Though I ask her if she did just to try and get her to appreciate the blessings with have. She asks me if Jesus is the one who puts the foods in the stores or gives me the money so we can buy food (Very good questions, unfortunately I am not skilled enough to make it anything less than more difficult for her to understand at this point of her life). She also asked me, "Daddy, does Jesus tell the people to paint the buildings?" I told her we would have that discussion when she's a bit older but that basically without God, people would not paint buildings! So she understands, to some degree, that God is sovereign and very in control. She knows He is everywhere around her and when she gets scared that His angels are there to keep her safe.

Like I said... I have no experience raising kids, she's my first, and I'm not entirely sure how to do it, I Just know I'm not going to lie to her about God and that I'm going to instruct her slowly with time and teach her very basic things until she can take more in. That, by the grace of God, is the good and right thing to do but God will have His way and its all going according to His plan so I don't fret too much about it!

God bless,
Alex