Story of my life

[lilitalienboi16]

Minus the "keep trying to find a life on my own apart from you" line.. lol. Definitely the king of excuses though and despising my own behaviour.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=04ACjaxKTws

DC Talk - In The Light.

I keep trying to find a life
On my own, apart from You
I am the king of excuses
I've got one for every selfish thing I do

What's going on inside of me?
I despise my own behavior
This only serves to confirm my suspicions
That I'm still a man in need of a Savior

I wanna be in the Light
As You are in the Light
I wanna shine like the stars in the heavens
Oh, Lord be my Light and be my salvation
Cause all I want is to be in the Light
All I want is to be in the Light

The disease of self runs through my blood
It's a cancer fatal to my soul
Every attempt on my behalf has failed
To bring this sickness under control

Tell me, what's going on inside of me?
I despise my own behavior
This only serves to confirm my suspicions
That I'm still a man in need of a Savior

I wanna be in the Light
As You are in the Light
I wanna shine like the stars in the heavens
Oh, Lord be my Light and be my salvation
Cause all I want is to be in the Light
All I want is to be in the Light

Honesty becomes me
(There's nothing left to lose)
The secrets that did run me
(In Your presence are defused)
Pride has no position
(And riches have no worth)
The fame that once did cover me
(Has been sentenced to this Earth)
Has been sentenced to this Earth

Tell me, what's going on inside of me?
I despise my own behavior
This only serves to confirm my suspicions
That I'm still a man in need of a Savior

I wanna be in the Light
As You are in the Light
I wanna shine like the stars in the heavens
Oh, Lord be my Light and be my salvation
Cause all I want is to be in the Light
All I want is to be in the Light

I wanna be in the Light
As You are in the Light
I wanna shine like the stars in the heavens
Oh, Lord be my Light and be my salvation
Cause all I want is to be in the Light
All I want is to be in the Light

Ah yes... the disease of self is certainly the cancer in my soul. I despise my own behavior!

God bless,
Alex

[judy]

Alex, you write very well. I think once a person accepts himself, warts and all and accepts there's not a whole lot he can do about it, well, then let it all go. It has taken me a long time to accept that God loves me, why?? I guess just because that's what He does, He creates and loves.  So, I decided to love me too and I find my faults rather amusing at times, so naturally human and expected. He likes to see things grow and learn and come to Him. He's a good parent. Like an old couple am I with Him now. He doesn't always see eye to eye with me and sometimes He is soooooo silent and I am impatient but we look at one another and know it's as it will be and we go about our business. Every once in awhile i think of the days of our passion together and remember how much we were in love but it is different now. A different kind of love, quieter, sure, trusting. There used to be honeymoon phases but very few anymore. I am unable to love Him unless He moves upon my heart and then i usually cry. The longing to be with Him remains but it is mostly dormant. To me it is peace. All is well. love, judy

[indianabob]

Hi Judy,

Thanks, I enjoyed your love story. Very inspiring and helpful.

Ole Indiana bob

[AwesomeSavior]

I had an interesting experience two weeks ago. I woke up very early in the morning after an unpleasant dream, which I believe was an attack from the Enemy. I was a bit disturbed by this dream, but as soon as I became more oriented, I had the most joyous experience ever in my life. The only way to describe this experience would be to say that the Lord drew near, and I experienced all the "fruit of the Spirit" in an amplified way AND at once. It lasted for about 20 minutes, and then gradually faded. In my past, I had often wondered what the Lord would be "like" in person, or, to quote Scripture, God being "all in all". What I experienced must have been just a taste, folks, of the incredible JOY that is to come for each one of us...

I had always had a certain dread about the physical act of dying throughout my life, and even after reading Ray's excellent paper on "An encouraging word about Death". When I was a young man, I broke out in hives after attending my first funeral, which was for my grandfather, due to the stress of being in and around that funeral home. However, I believe as I meditate on this recent experience from the Lord, this dread of dying will, in time, completely disappear.

I came to realize that it is very easy for me to read Scripture, such as the section on the fruit of the Spirit, and not really understand the DEPTH of it. Wow, what a beautiful enlightening experience from the Lord. Glory to Him!

Dean

[lilitalienboi16]

Alex, you write very well. I think once a person accepts himself, warts and all and accepts there's not a whole lot he can do about it, well, then let it all go. It has taken me a long time to accept that God loves me, why?? I guess just because that's what He does, He creates and loves.  So, I decided to love me too and I find my faults rather amusing at times, so naturally human and expected. He likes to see things grow and learn and come to Him. He's a good parent. Like an old couple am I with Him now. He doesn't always see eye to eye with me and sometimes He is soooooo silent and I am impatient but we look at one another and know it's as it will be and we go about our business. Every once in awhile i think of the days of our passion together and remember how much we were in love but it is different now. A different kind of love, quieter, sure, trusting. There used to be honeymoon phases but very few anymore. I am unable to love Him unless He moves upon my heart and then i usually cry. The longing to be with Him remains but it is mostly dormant. To me it is peace. All is well. love, judy

Thank you Judy, that was very beautiful.

My love for our Heavenly Father, for our Beloved Saviour, is maturing too. I only recently began thanking Him for even the trials and tribulations. It took a long time to get there because the evil days had not yet come upon me. My longing to be with Him is perhaps only dormant in the sense that its always there in the back of my mind and when He does His wonderful work in me, I too cry out. Abba, Father! Our lives are so strange, transient, passing, fading, yet in Him is all surety. The only thing worth hanging onto. Despite all the promises and my immense faith and trust in God, my own mortality and frailty as a fleeting moment in time can frighten me. Im learning to let go, to be at peace with whatever time the Lord has decided should come my rest, if it should even come or if He should return before. I hope for His return but I'm learning. Seperate, a sojourner in a foreign Land, longing for a kingdom still yet to come, growing in my love with God, learning to rejoice in all situations. Slowly but surely we are growing old together. I'm learning to see that all is well, always.

God bless,
Alex

[judy]

AWESOME SAVIOR, I am so happy for you. The unexpected (which we are really good at dreading) can be beautiful also. Yes, the good God does give us moments that are unforgettable and these are the ones to always remember when times are tough and God is silent. He never takes His eyes off you, believe me. Recall the sparrow, God knows how and when to deal with you because you are unique and His beautiful creation. I love it when others experience the presence of God as much as when I do and it helps us all because we are all one body. judy

[AwesomeSavior]

Amen Judy, Glory to Him.