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Prayer
Dave in Tenn:
Thanks for that, Terry.
Jeff:
--- Quote from: Joel on November 21, 2015, 12:51:58 AM ---How would it change things if he told you that you would live another 25 years or even longer?
--- End quote ---
*sigh*
Jeff:
--- Quote ---You mentioned that verse about praying ceaselessly in 1 Thessalonians 5. Have you been doing the two things sandwiched around that? Verse 16: Rejoice evermore. Verse 18: In every thing give thanks.
--- End quote ---
I have been. I know what to do, how to do it, why I need to do it.
There are some in society who are incapable of "doing" what they know is right or really, anything, even normally. Mental illness is a "fault" in brain chemistry. For example, we're told that not being anxious is how we should live. I have an anxiety disorder that makes it difficult to be obedient in that way. I try but normally it's just not possible. I was born this way, and have been this way since childhood. I also have a genetic predisposition to severe depression. Depression isn't sadness, but it can include that - for me - sorrowful to the point of death would probably be more accurate. Depression has such a profound effect on me that I'm not able to function at any reasonable level in most situations without being heavily medicated. Both the depression and the medication limit my ability to think the way I would like to.
Depression effects how we view the world, circumstances, relationships (including with God) and how we handle those things. Much of what we're told to do in the Scriptures is often beyond my capacity. God knows this and I hope that He still sees me as I'd like to be, but there's nothing more I can do about any of this, other than to simply pray for His will.
God is in control. If I needed anything that I don't have God would give it to me. I've been able to get to a place where the only thing I pray is for God's will in my life.
It isn't a matter of impatience, or disobedience, or a lack of understanding. It's different than having cancer, or some other horrible illness, although cancer is far more catastrophic, but because the mental illness affects how I think and act, it impacts every single moment of every day, and it's been this way my entire life - a long, long time.
There have been many days in my life where I've woken up wishing I hadn't, but it's not "me" that feels that way, it's my faulty brain chemistry, with misfiring neurons due to a lack of serotonin and dopamine, that make it almost impossible to think and act rationally, and normally. I thank God that it isn't worse - it certainly could be. But no matter how much I know, and understand and how hard I try to live that - the depression makes it mostly impossible.
I don't know if it's better or worse that I'm so aware of it. :)
I can't help that I'd rather not be here. Only God can change that.
I wish there was a way for me to really show how much I appreciate all of you. I guess the most damaging thing about all of this is that it's difficult for people to be around me. You are literally the only mortals in my life right now and you're a lifeline.
lilitalienboi16:
Jeff, none of us by our own power can do what is commanded of us. We are marred in the hand's of The Potter, His workmanship, created with weak hearts and carnal minds, subject to moral futility not willingly but by reason of Him. Its a very slow painful process. Jesus said, Eonian life was coming to know the true God. If it takes an aion of time just to know, how much longer then to act upon that knowledge? It seems knowing is the easy step (and i'm sure there is much more to know), obeying is the hard part.
We are no different than the discples and the apostles. We are where they were.
Mark 10:26-28
26 And they were astonished out of measure, saying among themselves, Who then can be saved?
27 And Jesus looking upon them saith, With men it is impossible, but not with God: for with God all things are possible.
Matthew 19:25-27
25 When his disciples heard it, they were exceedingly amazed, saying, Who then can be saved?
26 But Jesus beheld them, and said unto them, With men this is impossible; but with God all things are possible.
So we wait. Wait for God. What more can men do?
God bless,
Alex
judy:
Jeff, now I know what you are talking about. This I do understand. I have been diagnosed everything imaginable from Bi-polar to schizophrenic to biologically depressed to mania, I mean you name it. I think I am finally after 40 yrs down to anxiety and some depression. I think mine started because once I drowned, once in a coma and once fell 2 stories from an upstairs apt. building and fractured my skull. Why I lived, I'll never know. But listen there are days when I could only put one foot in front of another and keep going because I had 4 children. I was full of dread at times but besides medicine the one thing I practiced was dissasociating myself from the illness. This took yrs of practice. In a few words, step back and look at it (the crap going on in your head) see it for what it is worth. Ok, today I have unrelenting fear, ok, but that is not me, there is another voice, you have to learn to hear it because it is from God. That something in you that says, "yes, it is there but THIS IS NOT YOU. It is a sympton, reduce it down. This symptom will pass one day if you overlay it with God's word. Some days all I could say to myself is, "God is good, a hundred times, over and over. This is not from God, it is evil and wants to destroy you. Do something that distracts you, do dishes, vacuum, walk anything to get that serotonin working. Just get up and keep going and one day along with your meds it will get better and these meds have to be continually changed, modified, etc. Please believe me because God is no respecter of person and if he can walk besides me through all this bs, he will be with you too. I will pray everyday for you, I promise. I feel you, I understand and please, please, don't give up, fight the darn fight you were allowed to have. My grandson shot himself in the head 2 yrs ago, my mother tried suicide, my uncle killed himself, my family were alchoholics, my other uncle was a murderer. I have seen a lot of crap but you can win with God. I love you like a brother in an illness not many understand. judy
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