Heavy Heart

[Musterseed]

Dear brothers and sisters,
I pray you are all well. I feel the need to release the feelings of my heart
to you today. I have been reading Scripture and praying since I opened
my eyes this morning and although I know my Father is near, I just need
to express my heart to the family I know will understand. You see, today
is my sons Birthday, his name is Matthew and is 34. Two and a half years
ago, we were in Newfoundland attending my sister in laws funeral when
I got a call from my son who was 9000 kilometres away in Yellowknife,
crying his heart out because his daughter was born early and was dead.
It broke my heart to not be able to be there with him and his wife. A little
baby girl who's name is Ayla was here for four hours in her mommy and
daddies arms and I know who is safe in her sleep and will be given to her
parents in the future. At the time I was going through a horrible experience
and being dragged to the Lord and did not hold the knowledge I have now .
I did not know how to console him except to say" everything is for a reason".
I was quickly put in my place. My son and his wife do not believe in creation.
I guess what's bothering me today is the fact that I hold in my heart the most,
wonderful news of life after death and cannot share it with my son and daughter
in law who still grieve deeply. She is almost forty and may not be able to conceive
again.She had already had two abortions, one of which was Matthews. I cannot
help but feel guilty about not trying to talk them out of it. I know this is all of
God and is part of what must be , but I just felt I needed to share so that I can let it go.
i know you all have your own trials, and pray for you every night. I am very thankful
to Our Lord for this safe haven. Somehow just writing it down makes me feel better.I
bottle up a lot of my emotions because of being naive and trusting of people. All my life
I have been betrayed and manipulated. Look at this, I have gone into a self pity mode.
I really want to delete this right now but my fingers keep typing, why? I know God forgives
me for my sins, do I need to forgive myself ? Can you answer that for me please? I'm sorry
for my self pitying rant, I don't know what's wrong with me today, I feel empty,and broken.
I still want to delete but I'm too tired. Thank God for you, and God Bless You All. Pamela

PS, here is a lullaby for God's children..... May it be..lyrics...Enya,  the words are beautiful.

[lareli]

I'm sorry to hear that you are hurting right now.

[Musterseed]

Thank you Largeli ❤️ Pamela

[Dave in Tenn]

I can't find a "verse" that says we need to forgive ourselves for our sins, but maybe these two go together.

"Forgive us our trespasses even as we forgive those who trespass against us."

"Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself."

How do you truly do the latter without doing the former for yourself? 

[cheekie3]

Pamela -

Regarding your pain and your concerns:

Dear brothers and sisters,
I pray you are all well. I feel the need to release the feelings of my heart
to you today. I have been reading Scripture and praying since I opened
my eyes this morning and although I know my Father is near, I just need
to express my heart to the family I know will understand. You see, today
is my sons Birthday, his name is Matthew and is 34. Two and a half years
ago, we were in Newfoundland attending my sister in laws funeral when
I got a call from my son who was 9000 kilometres away in Yellowknife,
crying his heart out because his daughter was born early and was dead.
It broke my heart to not be able to be there with him and his wife. A little
baby girl who's name is Ayla was here for four hours in her mommy and
daddies arms and I know who is safe in her sleep and will be given to her
parents in the future. At the time I was going through a horrible experience
and being dragged to the Lord and did not hold the knowledge I have now .
I did not know how to console him except to say" everything is for a reason".
I was quickly put in my place. My son and his wife do not believe in creation.
I guess what's bothering me today is the fact that I hold in my heart the most,
wonderful news of life after death and cannot share it with my son and daughter
in law who still grieve deeply. She is almost forty and may not be able to conceive
again.She had already had two abortions, one of which was Matthews. I cannot
help but feel guilty about not trying to talk them out of it. I know this is all of
God and is part of what must be , but I just felt I needed to share so that I can let it go.
i know you all have your own trials, and pray for you every night. I am very thankful
to Our Lord for this safe haven. Somehow just writing it down makes me feel better.I
bottle up a lot of my emotions because of being naive and trusting of people. All my life
I have been betrayed and manipulated. Look at this, I have gone into a self pity mode.
I really want to delete this right now but my fingers keep typing, why? I know God forgives
me for my sins, do I need to forgive myself ? Can you answer that for me please? I'm sorry
for my self pitying rant, I don't know what's wrong with me today, I feel empty,and broken.
I still want to delete but I'm too tired. Thank God for you, and God Bless You All. Pamela

PS, here is a lullaby for God's children..... May it be..lyrics...Enya,  the words are beautiful.

We can only forgive those have have trespassed against us, and only Our Beloved Father can forgive our sins. We must repent of our sins.

He has planned every desire, thought, words and actions that we all must have, think, say and do; and we are all accountable for these.

We can pray privately for our families, in case they have sinned.

As Ray taught, humanity must experience evil to humble us, and appreciate the Good that is Our Heavenly Father.

Job comes to mind, that even though Job desired that he was not born while in torment and pain, Job did not curse God - and God confirmed that Job did right.

Our Heavenly Father knows what He is doing at all times, and we are not in complete control of our lives.

His Chosen Elect rely 100% on His Holy Spirit to direct their lives in Righteousness and Truth; and the desires and lusts of the world cease to dominate and have dominion of His Elects' lives.

We must pray without ceasing, and His Holy Spirit helps His Elect to pray correctly in private.

I hope this helps and comforts you and your family a little.

Warmest Regards.

George

[virginiabm]

Dear Pamela, I know the heartbreak very well, and I also know that God will fix it in His time and way. My heart breaks for you. So many times in life it is our very own that hurts us, and that is why it hurts so bad.
  God is with you and I pray that God will comfort you and give you peace in your heart. I am so sorry for your pain, but the word says Joy comes in the morning. Keep on believing and trusting in the One True God.

    Your sister in Christ,
      Virginia

[Porter]

Don't be too hard on yourself Pamela. Delight in the Lord because this is why we were called. Whenever I get down about something I try to remember Paul's words of encouragement. I hope they encourage you too.


2Co 12:10 Wherefore I delight in infirmities, in outrages, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ's sake, for, whenever I may be weak, then I am powerful.


2Co 4:17  For our momentary light affliction is producing for us an absolutely incomparable eternal weight of glory.

2Co 4:18  So we do not focus on what is seen, but on what is unseen; for what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.


Your son and his wife can't see this because God has blinded them, but you can see it. Someday Jesus will give them sight and you will probably play a part in this. Do good, endure to the end, overcome, trust God, hope for and expect the best and you'll go far. He will finish the work He started.


Thanks for sharing with us your heavy heart and allowing us to help take a load off.

[Musterseed]

Dave, George, Virginia and Porter, Largeli,
Thank you from the bottom of my heart for taking the time to
care and lift me up, I really needed a helping hand.
I have been awake for 28 hours now, I cannot sleep and I am so
tired and shakey, But I know all is of God, He loves and forgives me
and this too shall pass. He never fails us. I love Him and you.❤️ Pamela

[Joel]

Sometimes I am reminded that, yes my child and grand sons are of me and my wife but above that they are God's.
Psalms 100
1-Make a joyful noise unto the Lord, all ye lands.
2-Serve the Lord with gladness: come before his presence with singing.
3-Know ye that the LORD he is God: it is he that hath made us, and not we ourselves; we are his people, and the sheep of his pasture.
4-Enter into his gates with thanksgiving, and into his courts with praise: be thankful unto him, and bless his name.
5-For the LORD is good; his mercy is everlasting; and his truth endureth to all generations.

Joel

[Stacey]

Pamela, hope you were able to get some rest and that God has given you peace and comfort concerning your loved ones. Your signature verse is one of many reminders for us all that when He is ready, on this side of glory or the other, the Father will draw all our loved ones to Him.

Sometimes I too get caught up in reading and studying for many hours as you mentioned. I remember a Preacher telling a story how he would get so deep in scripture study for untold hours to the point he would tell the Lord, you got to turn me loose now, I have got to get some rest!

Never heard a song by Enya I didnt like.

[Musterseed]

Joel ,thank you. Above that they are God's, and I am so grateful that they are.

Stacey , your absolutely right. I had to pray and ask the Lord to please slow down my mind.
I tried to pray through it just talking to God but the things of the world kept creeping in
with rudeness and interrupting my time with the Lord. I was to the point of anger and I
don't like that feeling. Finally at eight thirty last night a calm came over me and I slept
for ten hours straight, it was the best sleep ever. Our Lord God is so good. Thanks Stacy.

May God Bless and keep you all. Your experience, kind words and understanding is very much
appreciated.

My son,his wife and grandson from our daughter are all coming for two weeks in July and I am so excited.
I know I will have to deal with their carnel nature and am a little worried about that.
Do you have any advise about that. I mean, I cringe when I hear a curse word and these
guys curse a lot, not in anger but just in normal conversation. How do you guys deal with
being around others. I have been avoiding the world, it's too peoplely. Thanks for listening.

❤️ Pamela