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My Testimony! Hello!

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NateWhite:
Hello, finally I have been allowed in! My name is Nathan White and I am 37 years old. I became a believer in Christ Jesus five years ago and a "knower" as of March 13th which is no coincidence I found this site! I am from San Diego, now living in Texas however I have finally gotten used to the transition. I believe God has called me and I have been diligently seeking Truth like a mad man! I used to be a hardcore skeptic! I was the debater, the one who would say ignorant things such as "The Bible has been translated hundreds of times" "I would use the telephone game" "Wonderful book of fables with great messages" then I finally thought that Jesus was a figure in which people who hit rock bottom clung to for hope because they had nothing left even if he did not exist solely to create a purpose for their lives! OH HOW I WAS WRONG!!!!!! WHEW! WHOA, WRONG INDEED!

I went into rehab 5 years ago for xanax which almost killed me and I ended up in the high desert of California at Set Free Ministries where I read the Word of God every single day! I had no idea what I was reading. It might as well have been in Spanish! 45 days in, I got angry. I was in the portable John sneaking a cigarette at the time when I prayed. "God, I am being humble, you have me here, WHAT IS IT THAT EVERYONE ELSE GETS THAT I AM NOT HERE? I am about to leave, please show me the truth!" That very night I was reading the Gospel of John and Chapter 15:1 "I am the true vine and my Father is the vine dresser." IT HAPPENED! I was baptized by the Spirit or the Spirit simply "turned on" in me and the Word of God became REAL for the first time in my life I knew it was all real! I could not believe it!

Now, I am going to share a testimony for you guys about the 13th of March and it is ok if you think I am crazy because I assure you that I am not! I had been in school and took over 50 psychology courses for counseling in multiple fields and was on may way I thought to being in God's Will! I finished my Practicum but shortly afterwards I had 3 deaths in our family which side tracked my schooling because I spent every hour reading the Bible to my Grandmother because she requested me to and she was also scared but I made sure she was ready before it was time.

In order to understand this particular testimony I need to share some background info that is pretty rough. I grew up and had a great childhood from 1 to 12 years old. My Dad was my hero, my entire family was very tight! We were also very dysfunctional! Partied HARD together. Long story short I was the popular guy in high school and loved alcohol, loved drugs etc. I got engaged at 19 and made my first 100,000 in one year before 20. I imported car parts and sold them on Ebay plus wholesale markets etc. My Dad raised me to never be a "worker bee" blah blah blah. Well, he was on a drug called meth which began altering his personality. No longer was he the Dad I knew as a young boy. He was jealous of my success and sabotaged it as we worked in the same office and he did so in hindsight because I was moving into my first place but he had control issues due to that drug.

My High school sweetheart who I was madly in love with is who I proposed to at 19 and at the age of 22 my Mom had left my Dad and my Dad was heavy into meth! He told me about an affair he had in detail, ridiculous detail with my wife to be. It KILLED me inside. Literally took who I was, my self confidence, my self esteem and feelings and destroyed them all. I became and empty shell. The betrayal was the main issue for me. Well, my Dad wanted to get my girlfriend to his house but he knew she would not come if he were there so that we could all get it out on the table etc. My Dad and I conspired to get her there and it worked.

I was out getting cigarettes when I returned to my Dads and saw her car there. I got out and found all of the doors locked and heard her screaming! I had to break a window to get in and saw my Dad holding a gun to her head tied up and wrapped in a blanket with duct tape! Now, this moment, I believed that if I showed my Dad any sort of weakness I would become a problem and he would shoot me and her. He lied to me again, his motives were very personal, I think she had blackmailed him etc. I had to become as manipulative as he was in an instant to remedy a situation gone horrible! I finally did, without going into more detail she got out and one week later The Escondido SWAT team came and arrested my Dad and I turned myself in. I assumed my Dad being of the "NEVER RAT" policy and almost beginning his venture as a Hell's Angels Motorcycle Club Prospect he would tell the police the truth about me and get me off the hook. He never did. I had to take a Felony of assault with a deadly weapon after the fact. He got almost a year in jail. NEVER has he apologized nor takes any blame for losing his million dollar business, what he did to me, my Mother, my Sisters etc. Victim mentality. In fact, he blames everybody else and hes 70 now.

After a while I lost my business, I took my cash 50k and blew it all partying and traveling literally cursing God! I actually remember telling God to bring on more. I was on a death wish downward spiral. I woke up 3 times in the ER from overdosing on muscle relaxers and xanax. I should be dead! for close to 10 years I just got drunk, high, you name it until one day, I was humbled, instead of making 12-15k a month I was over at Labor Ready for 40.00 per day! Because I loved my Mother and we were very very close, I decided to get real, man up, and get sober! So I did.
I flew out to California to detox there at my Dads because we were an OK basis after 7 years but this was the worst mistake of my life but best mistake as it brought me to Jesus Christ!

My withdrawal was insanity! 1 month taper from 8mg of xanax a day for 8 years I went through psychological hell... I began drinking whiskey which my Dad supplied in abundance and very quickly I became dependent on alcohol too and was in withdrawal from that every 4 hours and even hit up the Listerine a few times! I was not doing this because I was an alcoholic, I was CONVINCED by the side effects of the withdrawal from benzo's that if I did not drink alcohol I was going to die! Talk about a hindsight enemy trying to finish me off before finding God! 65 Days I did this until a random believer in Christ saw my situation at my Dads. I was 120 lbs. I flew in at 175 lbs. I was unable to read, write, do simple things, I was messed up from this drug. The man told me God put it on his heart to get me out of that house. That house was evil! Literally! Million dollar home, but evil resided and my Dad is now the oppressed one there..

I dried out for a week, went into a Christian rehab for 5 months and NEVER opened the Bible. I was busy getting my head right! But, I relapsed and told them, got kicked out and ended up at Set Free Ministries where I had my revelation. Now, fast forward 4 years. I got a girlfriend, moved into a house, began my own business and instead of sticking with school I grabbed my pride and started running with it! I was going to prove something! I had no idea what at the time, but in hindsight it all makes sense which I will get to.  After 10 months of starting a business from scratch with 800.00 I was averaging 18k per 60 days and Paypal put a hold on my account, ran my credit, and decided they would hold all of my funds for 180 days for NO REASON other than I was expanding and needed 50k in the bank to cover any losses. That killed my business because it was a simple business, I bought and sold items on Ebay! Im great at it but, God had other plans and I know that God had something to do with it as the 13th was only a week away.

Well, I was care taking for a friend of mine who was visiting California and he saw my Dad. Told me of his living conditions which really upset me.  Keep in mind after all the drama, all I ever wanted to do was make my Dad proud prior to the betrayal but instead i was sabotaged and betrayed... I still loved him and I did forgive him at Set Free which set me free from alcohol and xanax but something still bothered me. On the 13th I was depressed, sad, teary eyed.... I felt I let God down, I had NOTHING as all of my money was in Paypal and here I am 37 years old with NO FUTURE in place or savings etc.... I told my older sister we needed to go to the Spiritual Infirmary etc because I was Spiritually WEAK. I had not prayed in 10 months it seemed nor open the Word. I was being lead astray by my own unresolved issues.. I got in my truck and took off down the street and began to pray for my Dad the same one for his Salvation but in the middle of the prayer I thought "why am I even praying for this! nothing will change!" Then something strange happened......

Ok, this is the big Testimony I have feared to tell people because I am a counselor, Im gifted in empathy much more than normal and know that this sounds crazy, but as God as my literal witness, what I am about to tell you is true to the best of my recollection!

Right after I quit my prayer and complained no less, a question seemingly from my consciousness and also separate from it asked me "have you every really prayed for you're Dad though?" I thought how ridiculous of a thought that was as I have 1000 times. Then, once more but this time it was NOT ME. A voice within me but a part from me asked me "but have you truly prayed for YOURE Dad?" That moment I knew I NEVER have and at that very moment I was no longer in my truck driving but sitting down in I guess what would be called a Spiritual zone of sorts facing left of a presence I already knew who it to be. I knew I was in the presence of God!

Now, I felt as though I was in nature but my surroundings were purposefully distorted just enough to where I could not see what they were. I looked to my right at God and he was also distorted, human form, yet no defined features etc but this did not seem abnormal!!! God's first words to me were "I have heard your pleads and I have to tell you that I cannot answer that prayer and your Dad cannot give you what you are looking for." in my head I thought right at that moment "but you are God, you can do anything." I said and felt a bit sad too but God would have me understanding really fast all I needed to know. God, when he spoke, was like hearing SOLID ABSOLUTE TRUTH SO POWERFUL THAT THERE ARE NOT WORDS!!!! He used his hands too while he spoke as if transferring energy towards me and instilling knowledge within me!

God said to me "You have been praying for a mans Salvation in order to give YOU something rather than simply praying out of Love for another human being." I HAVE NEVER EVER FELT SO EXPOSED IN MY LIFE!!! I knew I had been praying with a selfish motive, I wanted my Dad to be saved and get normal etc. but I wanted him to apologize to me, just acknowledge me and apologize for what he did. God said "You have forgiven your Dad, but why not forgive him all the way?" God walked me through my Dads life. He said "Your Dad, the Good part of your Dad that you remember has been taken away... He has been lead astray now for many years, even longer than you suspect through no fault of his own." At that moment I thought about drugs etc. that destroyed our family and God made it clear that it is not drugs in particular that are sinful, it is what they are used for by our enemy! They are used as tools to pull us away from God essentially and he made it clear that Sin is not the issue in the big picture, duh, Christ paid those wages for us but rather evil on earth, the unseen world and the cunning of our enemy.

God Said "Your Dad is not a bad man but a good man lead astray by bad things and is so far from me now that I can no longer help him. He believes the lies he has been told. Now let me show you something." As he said this an image of my Dad, life size, appeared directly in front of me slightly to the left. He was 35 years old about wearing a Hawaiian shirt, shorts, sandals, and he had his sunglasses on his head. It was as if God took a facsimile of my Dad and placed it there. He was laughing and smiling which was something I had not seen my Dad do in a long time. A few seconds later I was no longer looking at my Dad from my point of view, but God allowed me to see him the way God sees us! I was now looking at my Dad and he had an aura! I have NEVER studied auras, never even given them much thought but he had one!!! It encompassed him and was 2 colors. See through yellow with green accents on the outer edges etc and it got really wide in the mid section and had what looked like "flame tips" of energy that would go off of it... I have NO IDEA but I saw it! Then, out of nowhere a love came to me, I can NEVER make it past this without crying...... I cried for 3 days afterwards from this love and I am a Man, not easily swayed.. This, broke me emotionally.!

Agape love in the Bible is what it had to have been. I have never in my life imagined a love so powerful as this love and it had tangibility to it. It was PURE UNCONDITIONAL LOVE! It blew me away and right now thinking about that Love makes life on earth seem so bleak! We have a lot to look forward to, You have NO IDEA... My God, it was overwhelming!! I then found myself back to normal and God said "This is how I see your Dad, and this is also how I feel about each and every one of you!" I at that moment understood Gods Love! It changes EVERYTHING and why I AM HERE ON THIS SITE because I DO NOT BELIEVE IN HELL! NOT AFTER THIS.....

God then showed me my Dad now to the right and he made it apparent by showing me the earth and it rotating a bit before stopping to show me a 4 or 5 inch version of my Dad without an aura, and just gloomy. Oppressive. I saw he had on a beige and purple shirt and could see his hair but that was it. God Said, "just because I could not answer your prayer does not mean I cannot help your Dad, you are right, I am GOD and I can do anything!" God wanted me to understand the essence of Evil and GOD himself going back to when I thought about how God could do anything in my head in the beginning. He was now answering that.. God went from human form to the LIGHT everyone talks about and I was overwhelmed to point of even though in the Spirit World I got really close to the ground and looked away. It scared me but immediately God made it known that it was ok and not to fear him. I honestly do not recall looking into this light accept in the very beginning but the power that radiated from it made me move and look away so I only recall seeing the next form of light he became which was pearl white, pure and tangible it looked like. On the left was a very thick black mist which God made me aware to be anything of Evil or opposite of God and it was thing inching its way towards Gods light and once it got about 2 or 3 feet from the edge of God it vanished... Simply gone.. God instilled into my being who he is and what he is and he did not emphasize anything like we are less than or he is better than us in any way, IT IS JUST THE WAY IT IS is what he gave me. He simply is perfect in all ways and Evil, does not hold a candle to God. What was Lucifer THINKING? (Actually, I suppose God created Lucifer to be exactly who he is) Now during this sort of demonstration he made me aware that evil flees from him real quik, it is not a problem for God to help my Dad but he will not voluntarily do it, nor answer a prayer based in sin either but God our FATHER showed me, little me, how to pray and forgive my Dad on earth.... I have felt so unworthy to have received this gift....Why did this happen to me.. why?

God pulled up the image of the healthy Dad I knew and said "If you pray from the standpoint of Love, Pure in Your heart, with NO selfish motives, That is the language that I speak and hear and WILL RESPOND TO because I AM LOVE!" and I knew what I was supposed to do, what God was allowing me to do for him... I prayed, I prayed in my head not for salvation, but for my Dad to be released of the evil that has oppressed him for 30 years because he deserves to be free of it, he is unaware of it, and hes a human being, a Child of God and deserves the opportunity to know the Truth because he is loved, loved by our Father God. Once I was finished God said "That prayer, I WILL answer, and then he can choose." Throughout this entire encounter God was giving me much more by way of instilling into me knowledge such as about the reality of what is going on we cannot see. People and an understanding of how precious individuals are and my empathy and love for people has grown exponentially! God does not blame us, nor sits up there forgiving us... He is concerned for us and our battle but he understands EVERYTHING WE GO THROUGH AND HOW HARD IT IS THAT WE HAVE IT." He is totally fine with it in fact. We are not to sin, but God is way different than I imagined and he is just like us, but with a power UNIMAGINABLE to human minds.

The entire time I NEVER asked a question. I was glued to his every word. He was so loving, caring, empathetic beyond what I thought was possible for God as we are sinners and he is not but he gets us better than we do! He does not blame us because he made us like this and has us on earth against powerful unseen enemies and he gets it!!! He IS NOT A GOD WHO PUTS PEOPLE IN HELL!!!! MY GOD NO WONDER I FELT A BIT OF SADNESS AS THE ENTIRE WORLD HAS BEEN LEAD ASTRAY... All God wants is for people to believe and turn to him! I have been called, and I will introduce the Gospel or whatever Gods Will for me is forever because I have never felt more loved and cherished in my life! It was like a Father holding a five year olds hand giving me simple truth I already knew but this was different because just like the Bible, this entire event held more meanings for me over the next week... God also knowing the hurt and pain I was put through by my Dad did for me something so beautiful I will NEVER forget and ALWAYS want more of and he gave me the attention and love I had not gotten from my Dad since I was a child and he did it more so just because he knew I needed it! He was GENUINE and that is something I will always cherish.

So much more went on but you can ask questions if you want unless you pegged me as nuts.. Thats ok. God left me with parting words in two different ways. He gave me the same saying from outside and from within "isn't it amazing how God works through us all, for us all, to accomplish God's Will, in Gods perfect timing!" He even said it as humans do bringing it down to average Joe level with a sort of humor tied to it. Right when he said this a bolt of energy shot through my, my mom, and my sister. Next thing I knew I was in the driveway of my destination outside of my truck looking up Praying towards the stars with a warmth around me. It did not dawn on me till the next day what all happened and it was not easy to accept because I needed an explanation... However over time, through confirmation etc. I have now accepted it. I cannot believe I just told this to all of you...

Over the next week I was being shown the error of my Spiritual ways, discernment became immense, prayers were being answered all in one day such as confirmation my Mother is saved, and other prayers I have been praying etc. My trust issues were made known, my wants became an issue, I mean, God was showing me what I needed to work on! I am so tired or I would keep going but this is the conclusion. I appreciate you reading and GOD BLESS ALL OF YOU. I cannot wait to learn and fellowship with everyone here![/size]

StevenL:
Hi Nate! Glad to have you around.

It matters not if someone thinks you're nuts for relating your experiences with God. These things are personal... between you and God only, and it's either true or it isn't. If I told people in general some of the things I've seen of the workings of the Spirit, I'd probably be hauled away and locked up as a danger to society. But I've seen what I've seen and it doesn't matter to me what anyone thinks of it. I know God is alive and still works in great power, sometime in very strange ways, among his sons and daughters.

And yeah, it's such a grand thing to realize that He is not the Grand Tormenter that the entity that claims to be His body purports Him to be. If that were the only bit of revelation knowledge I'd gotten from Him, it would be enough. But He dragged me in and caused me to seek, just like you said, "...like a madman..." There was no choice really to it; I just had to do it. No stopping it.

Your dad ... God will have His will in his life as well. Wonderful!

So... welcome from a fellow nut.  :o

NateWhite:
Thank you so much! I realize discretion is called for according to Proverbs in some cases however, I am compelled to share because although it was personal, God being who he is, I think its valuable to share so insight can be gained into our Father. If you ever do decide to share your experience, I would be honored to hear. Thank you for responding. I am blessed to have found this site!

Nate

virginiabm:

 Welcome Nate, I am glad you are here to learn and grow in the will of God with us. May God bless you on your journey. It is wonderful.

   Your sister in Christ Jesus,
      Virginia Miller

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