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From God With Love

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Wanda:
I wanted to share my testimony so others might know that God in all his infinate wisdom is guiding  you and giving  you the strength to get through the trials of your darkest days.

When you finally come to rest at the place beside the still waters you will be blessed in ways that could never be possible any other way.

First, I should begin by telling you  I've  spent most of my life worrying and trying to control situations, for myself as well as those I love. Even as a young child I had the weight of the world on my shoulders. being the oldest daughter, raised by a single mother who had seven children.  there were many hardships and sometimes even the  harsh reality that she might have to give us up because things had reached the breaking point for her. She was given to complete strangers herself when she was just 18 months old, so she fought with everything she had to keep that from happening to her children.

It wasn't possible for me to rely  or trust on God, because I did not know one true thing about hiim, as a result  I always felt like I was on the outside looking in, never feeling like I belonged anywhere or trusted easily.

For All My Controlling  and untrusting Ways...
I would be learning a valuable truth in a very harsh way.

I've experienced the loss of all but one of my siblings, starting back in December of 88 when my 36 year old brother killed himself. I truly believed that was the worst thing that could ever happen in my life, thats how bad the pain was. Then I lost my oldest brother to a brain Aneurysm 5 years later at the age of 46. Followed by my youngest brother 6 years later  at 49 from a blood clot to his heart  Then my youngest sister, almost 7 years later at 49 from a sepsis infection.  And last my middle sister 5 years later who at  65 died of cancer just five months ago.

And all the while I was battling failed marriage loss of my home, lost career,  savings, religion. Being shown all the evils of the world  and on and on, such is life.

I had been led to Gods truths just before everything went dark. To me that is the Devine Grace of my Lord. It was my Saving Grace through all of this.

We can get so caught up in a thing we can't see the forest for the trees. My trees were 9 months of caring for a sister with relentless ongoing psychosis, the sruff of nightmares.
Something that was a part of her life and ours for many years. Then the day finally came when I could see and feel the hand of God
directing things in such a way, she was finally helped  and came back to me.

We had almost 5 days of peace and even some happiness before she became very ill. There were hospital stays and tests and lots of pain and suffering. Finally, after five long months of begging everyone who was treating her, for pain meds to relieve her terrible pain,  which they would not give her, until she got a diagnoses.  I was seriously considering going to the streets  to buy something , but for the Grace of God she was given her diagnoses.
For the first time in over five months her pain was under control, but she was given a death sentence and so was I.

I had spent so many years trying to save her from herself and those that were hurting her or might hurt  her,  and now it had come to this. She was going to die and suffer more than I could have ever imagined. There was nothing I could do to controll or prevent any of it.

I apologize this is so long but I used all the crayons in the box.

Part 2 below

Wanda:
Part 2

All the months of living in total insanity and the months of physical suffering, that  followed,  would total nineteen months, and it  took me to the very edge of the cliff  and still I did not fall down on my knees and cry out to my Father above,  and confess I  was completely and  totally helpless without him.

Stubborn carnal thinking with the force of my righteous indignation...

at everyone including God.  If things could EVER get any worse, my sister would finally,  for the first time in her life, speak the horrors that happened to her all the way back to her earliest memories. Something I had prayed to know. Now I knew. Why did I want to know? what difference could it possibly make in her life after so many years? All it did was add to the long list of things that angered me. She was going to die and I was lost and hopeless.

Don't stop praying for something you consider important no matter how long it takes, all will be given at the very best time.

I wasn't going to actually share my sisters secret but finally decided, what happened to her was important for the testimoney, because her years of silence came at a heavy price and that is why God revealed it in the end.


One day I was reading her one of Rays papers when out of the blue and matter of factly,  she told me when she was sixteen, and on her way to her summer job, three black guys with a knife at her throat, forced her into a car. They took her to a place that had a wood shed, kept her there all day, rapeing her in every conceivable way imaginable, before they finally left her. She was alive but it would be a very hard life I assure you.

A few days later she told me our grandfather had molested her fom her earliest memory until she was nine. God! Just kill me now!!!

By bringing this into the light of day, God  was healing her of this terrible pain she had been burdened with all these years.. Allowing her to accept love and comfort from another human being. Which is something she could never allow herself. He gave her the gift of his truth at the moment she was ready to receive it. I know I was there. She died knowing he loved her and all of mankind and that the very best was yet to come.

For me, he gave memories to sustain me when she was gone. He gave me the answer to my prayer and helped me see and understand the why of it all. He gave me the opportunity to hold her, cry with her, and say all those things I would have said  those many years before,  if I had known. He gave me everything

GOD IS LOVE...This is the magnificent power of it.

His love is as real as the air you breath
He will wrap you in it and comfort you with his peace.

He restored my hope in his promise
My cup runneth over
His goodness and mercy are with me all the days of my life. I am truly home, where I do belong.

And durring these past five months I have been humbled, by the neccessary amount of correction, to teach me why I must rely on him for ALL things. Now that's a MIRACLE!

Don't you EVER worry about anything

virginiabm:
Oh Wanda, That is the most heartbreaking story that I have heard in awhile, but the most uplifting as well, because we can see the hand of God in it. The strenght and courage our Saviour gave to you to get through your pain and yes, the love of the Father wrapping you in His Loving arms.

May Our Heavenly Father continue to bless and keep you in His REST.

   Your sister in Christ Jesus,
        Virginia

Doug:
Hi Wanda,

That is so sad the suffering your sister endured.

Your last statement don't worry about anything takes great faith.

Thank you for sharing.

Musterseed:
Hello my friend,glad you are back and feeling stronger. Thankyou for your testimony.
We really  are nothing without Him and He will never fail us, He has an infinite supply
Of Love and Mercy. ❤️ Pamela

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