I tried to make them understand my thoughts about God’s salvation, not to convert them (I’m a woman, not a man so I’m no preacher at all, but acting with faith and respect), that’s not my « job » but God’s, throught Christ. Nobody understand or want to hear about it. They don’t even want to read the Bible. And anyway I’m surrounded by people who doesn’t want to hear about God. Real desert. Absolute Babylon. It’s like I’m living on a planet where no one has ever heard about God or even Christ. But the real « problem » is: how to keep on walking with a heavy cross I WANT to carry on my shoulders but without the possibility of having any help of someone around me or even share my spiritual joy? At the beginning of my conversion to Christ, it was like, you know, when Jesus first arrived to Jerusalem: joy and people looking so happy to see me changing in a good way... but now they are groaning and rejecting me, and I feel like a real trash to them. They don’t want to hear anything about Jesus and God, sometimes with violence they reject me when I mention my faith. Then I pretend to be interested by their earthly interests just to stay in touch with them but it’s harder and harder to do so. I’m feeling totally out of all this. I’m sad because I love them, after all they are family and friends but in the same time I see that I love them lesser. I understand for example more and more every day when Jesus said He would separate the mother from the daughter, for that’s exactly what I am living nowadays. That’s soooo hard. I am torned/divided into two right now: God put that cup away from me, but God, please, allow me to take this cup. See what I mean?