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Via Dolorosa

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Prune Soleiado:
I just can’t handle this pain and loneliness God is inflicting on to me
It’s like I can’t find any comfort in anything.
It’s so hard to feel misunderstoid and being not able to share this pain I suffer for not being part of this world. That’s so hard I would prefer to disappear and not being awaken. So lonely, so alone. I know that God knows me, and that He knows about my sadness and pain. All this pain!!! All this loneliness!!! Like an overweighted cross.That’s to heavy, too difficult to keep on living. That’s sooo hard. I have this feeling God abandoned me yet I know He’s here, helping, giving me strenght to write this. But it seems like I’m not strong enough for this. People I love left me because of my thoughts and way of life and belief. And I don’t have faith in anyone or anything in this world. No comfort, no hope in this world. I suffer too much. Scourged and Crucified.

Wanda:

--- Quote from: Prune Soleiado on April 13, 2018, 07:59:13 PM ---I just can’t handle this pain and loneliness God is inflicting on to me
It’s like I can’t find any comfort in anything.
It’s so hard to feel misunderstoid and being not able to share this pain I suffer for not being part of this world. That’s so hard I would prefer to disappear and not being awaken. So lonely, so alone. I know that God knows me, and that He knows about my sadness and pain. All this pain!!! All this loneliness!!! Like an overweighted cross.That’s to heavy, too difficult to keep on living. That’s sooo hard. I have this feeling God abandoned me yet I know He’s here, helping, giving me strenght to write this. But it seems like I’m not strong enough for this. People I love left me because of my thoughts and way of life and belief. And I don’t have faith in anyone or anything in this world. No comfort, no hope in this world. I suffer too much. Scourged and Crucified.

--- End quote ---

P Soleiado,

I can certainly empathize. When you say you are alone, do you mean, totaly alone, without family or friends?

Okay, I read your post again and can see your friends all left you because of your thoughts, beliefs and way of life.

Did you by any chance try to convert them?

Prune Soleiado:
I tried to make them understand my thoughts about God’s salvation, not to convert them (I’m a woman, not a man so I’m no preacher at all, but acting with faith and respect), that’s not my « job »  but God’s, throught Christ. Nobody understand or want to hear about it. They don’t even want to read the Bible.  And anyway I’m surrounded by people who doesn’t want to hear about God. Real desert. Absolute Babylon. It’s like I’m living on a planet where no one has ever heard about God or even Christ. But the real « problem » is: how to keep on walking with a heavy cross I WANT to carry on my shoulders but without the possibility of having any  help of someone around me or even share my spiritual joy? At the beginning of my conversion to Christ, it was like, you know, when Jesus first arrived to Jerusalem: joy and people looking so happy to see me changing in a good way... but now they are groaning and rejecting me, and I feel like a real trash to them. They don’t want to hear anything about Jesus and God, sometimes with violence they reject me when I mention my faith. Then I pretend to be interested by their earthly interests just to stay in touch with them but it’s harder and harder to do so. I’m feeling totally out of all this. I’m sad because I love them, after all they are family and friends but in the same time I see that I love them lesser. I understand for example more and more every day when Jesus said He would separate the mother from the daughter, for that’s exactly what I am living nowadays. That’s soooo hard. I am torned/divided  into two right now: God put that cup away from me, but God, please, allow me to take this cup. See what I mean?

Wanda:
This walk can be a very lonely one, that's why this forum exists. It is a blessing from God, so that we can come together and share in these wonderful truths, without fear of persecution, or loneliness. Many of us have formed great friendships here. I personally consider the friendships I've made, to be the best I've ever had.

Many of us here have had a burning desire to explain these wonderful truths to friends and family, with the same outcome you're experiencing. It does not matter how unbelievably awe inspiring it is, if God has not willed they should want to know, and accept these truths, nothing you could ever explain, will accomplish it.

Matthew 7:6

6 “Do not give what is holy to the dogs; nor cast your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you in pieces.

I believe God led you here to BT for a reason, what do you think?

Prune Soleiado:
Thanks Wanda, it comforts me. God has guided me towards Ray’s light in a wonderful way, and I’m so grateful for this gift I never diserved. I want so much to see people stop suffering for they don’t know God. I can’t share my knowledge and joy with them, they wouldn’t understand. But Jesus was also lonely and misunderstood the time He was on earth. That’s for our instruction. He suffered far much. God reminded me that the sufferings we are going through are nothing compared to the glory that will come, this is the grace of God. Sometimes I forgot about that, then it seems harder. But darkness has nothing to do with light, so I can’t hope for people into darkness to accept the light of God if He doesn’t plan for it to happen now. I must be patient the way He is patient. Jesus guides me and comforts me. Even though it’s difficult, I know I have the love of God with me and I can see it here on B-T. And He puts into my heart the desire to please Him. Hope. Hope.

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