tired of being scared

[Porter]

God played a funny joke on me yesterday. I was face to face with a former drug supplier of mine from many years ago. I had ripped him off a lot of money. I was expecting some aggressive action from him, or at least some harsh words. But all he said was hi, hey whats up, I'm headed to work. 

That wasn't even the worst of my problems. I jammed my head into my Uber drivers side door leaving a massive dent. Not on purpose, but I tripped on the curb or something. Boy was he mad as I left a sizable dent, not to mention a huge scrape on my knee and elbow. 

Not long after my heart rate became highly elevated. This lasted a good couple of hours and I thought for sure this was it. I never once called an ambulance out of some fear that is hard to express. Just stubborn I guess. 

Anyhow, I posted this because some days I feel at the end of my rope. I would rather be dead asleep sometimes, ngl. I pray for sleep often.

Not asking for sympathy or even prayers. God put me where I rightly belong. But its hard. I didn't even mention the spiritual turmoil. That's too personal, but God knows.

Please, hang in there. Know Gods ways.