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How to be saved
ML:
Here are 7 steps that YOU can do, to make sure that you are saved:
1. Pay your tithes
2. Have as much doctrine as you can
3. Take everything Scripture physical and literal
4. If God didnt give it to you, then you didn't ask hard enough
5. Free will guarantees you anything you want
6. If there's pain, then God hates you
7. Everything starts and ends with you, and God can only be a tool to get your desires
And, you can find all this and more, in my book "Getting God in Your Pocket"
Find me at the nearest Secret Name Society.
Wanda:
What about works? 🤔
ML:
--- Quote from: Wanda on August 14, 2018, 08:00:58 PM ---What about works? 🤔
--- End quote ---
Ah yes, sister Wanda. Almost forgot to bring out our favorite Bible!
Phillipians 2:13 Free Choice Version
For it is God who reminds you to will and to work Your Sinners Prayer.
John 24:31 You Choose Version
Not only did you choose me, but your wish is My command
Wanda:
Excuse me sir, but I have a couple of questions. Do you mean if I follow all of the steps, I will literally have God in my pocket? If so, am I always required to wear pockets?
These might seem like stupid questions, but I take my salvation extremely serious.
ML:
Yes, yes sister. We take your money.... Er, I mean concerns very seriously. Where else will God work, if now from our pockets?
Always remember this verse, dear friend:
1 Corinthians 2:9 FWV
But as it is written: Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither entered into our pants pockets, the blessings that come outeth unto those who tithe us money.
Don't forget the true name of our Savior: Yeshualabadadoodachilidee Halmayeshamadogeedooda. Yes, we found this on a nonexistent manuscript, in a nonexistent language, in a pigs dinner. Unless you speak this language perfectly, you will never fully be blessed from your tithing.
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