Need Prayers

[nshan]

Hey all, new here and have been a lurker for a while now.

Long story short I could use some prayers. I've been having some very sick and evil thoughts constantly for at least the last year or so. Basically they keep getting worse and worse, and recently I've been blaspheming more often (as if once wasn't bad enough) even right after I know I sin. I don't mean to bore you with all the details, but I think it's important to know where I'm at right now. I am definitely not exaggerating my sins since they are very bad. A lot of it comes from my own lusts and envies. Even though I really do appreciate all God has given me and still gives even in my state right now, there is a part of me that doesn't because of the way I was born and all that.

I really would love to just stop being wishy-washy and accept the hand I was given since I know I don't direct my own steps or control my own influences. I am very double minded right now. I do thank God for teaching me all sorts of things by answering pretty much all of my prayers in the past and especially that he wasn't going to torture me and my brothers and sisters aka humanity. However, it's both easy and difficult for me to accept evil. I just wish people weren't sad and didn't commit suicide since I know what those thoughts are like. It also really doesn't help try as hard as I might to control these evil thoughts. It never works. I definitely cannot save myself or redeem myself though I do have an idea on who can, but I still need your prayers. This life really hurts sometimes, but honestly just writing this has made me grateful to God which is sort of funny lol.

Thank you.

[Wanda]

Hello nshan and welcome to the forum. ☺

You're certainly not alone in this battle against the flesh, as we all have to contend with it. I found this email from Ray I think may bring you some comfort. I will pray for you nshan.

Hi, Ray,

Thank you for your recent article.

I have a question:  Does God hate me when I am tested and fail miserably?
What will He do to me?


Dear Gina:  No, Gina, God does not hate you when you are tested and fail.
And how can I say that. Many reasons, not the least of which are the teachings
of Paul where he says:

Rom 6:12 Let not sin therefore reign [to RULE your life in your
mortal body, that ye should obey it in the lusts thereof.

Rom 6:14 For sin shall not have dominion [that is RULERSHIP,
complete control]over you: for ye are not under the law, but under grace.

It all has to do with your motivation.  Is your desire to please God or to
sin and please yourself not just occasionally, but as a way of life.  Notice
this encouragement from Paul:

2Co 13:5 Examine yourselves, whether ye be in the faith; prove your
own selves. Know ye not your own selves, how that Jesus Christ is in
you, except ye be reprobates?

I don't think you are a "reprobate," Gina. A reprobate is one who is
morally unprincipled, not one who is striving to overcome sin.

Take a closer look at the Scriptures I presented which show the attitudes that God hates.
I will just give a few of the obvious ones, but I could go through every one of them:

They provoked Him to jealousy with strange gods (Deut. 32:16).

the wicked and him that loves violence His soul hates " (Psalm 11:5)

And ye shall not walk in the manners of the nations which I cast out (Lev. 20:23)

If ye will not hearken unto Me, and will not do all these commandments (Lev. 26:14).

You hate all workers of iniquity ..." (Psalm 5:5)   Etc., etc.

Do you do these things as a way of life, Gina?  Worship strange gods? love violence?
live like the wicked nations that God cast out? refuse to do all Gods commandments?

Are you a worker of iniquity?  I don't think so.  Listen Gina, once God calls you and you
accept that call then here is your spiritual condition from then on:

Rom 8:1 There is therefore now NO CONDEMNATION to them which
are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.

Hope this strengthens your faith, Gina.

[nshan]

Hi Wanda and thank you for welcoming me. The email you posted does help a lot and I will have to learn to start having real faith in God and examine myself. It may be silly but I think a lot of these things are for my development even though I don't want to admit it sometimes. Even in the past when I felt cursed it always ended up working out which is definitely from God and I know it's different for each person since we're all different. But yes this flesh is really annoying lol it's like a bad roller coaster. Thank you for praying for me too, I really appreciate it.

[Dave in Tenn]

You sound something like me...someone who doesn't need just a trim around the edges.  I've found this to be true:

If we confess our sins (be that a litany of moral short-comings or an acknowledgement of a deep need for all our thoughts and actions to be rooted in love) He is faithful and just to forgive our sins AND to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.  What a strange and counter-intuitive Gospel.  I can't say it's easy, and it doesn't seem to lead to uninterrupted growth in grace, but for those of us truly messed up, it works--because He does.  It doesn't surprise me that you said, "This life really hurts sometimes, but honestly just writing this has made me grateful to God which is sort of funny lol."

This fell under my face a few days ago.  Maybe it speaks to your post.

Luk 6:35  But love ye your enemies, and do good, and lend, hoping for nothing again; and your reward shall be great, and ye shall be the children of the Highest: for he is kind unto the unthankful and to the evil.
Luk 6:36  Be ye therefore merciful, as your Father also is merciful.

Consider this post a "prayer".  It's accompanied by prayer, at least.  I'm not great at that virtue, but will remember you as He reminds me.  It's really HIS prayer and HIS faith that accomplishes HIS work.  There's none better.


 

[nshan]

Thank you Dave. Yes, I would consider your post both a prayer and an answer to one. Sometimes I forget that God really is love and mercy and gives both a lot. I should know that he would forgive me. I know this faith really is not my own like you said, it is God's. It basically came out of "nowhere" during my last couple of quarters in university, the last place you'd find God next to probably your local church or temple. This was a year or so back and I highly doubt God would just start a work and not finish it since he isn't me.

Your scripture is interesting because I have it and its second witness Mat 5:44 pretty much embedded in me. I'm just amazed on how I can forget some very important previous statements in the same chapter like:

Mat 5:3  Blessed are the poor in spirit: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. 
Mat 5:4  Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.
...
Mat 5:7  Blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy.

It does feel counter-intuitive at times haha. I feel like Esau where I seek the promise but do not obtain it because I cast it away for worthless things. However, I know even Esau was blessed and him and his descendants will be saved so that's of great comfort. In fact what's great is that everyone will be healed. I don't really know of any person who believes such a statement especially Luk 6:35 let alone wanting to bless, forgive, or help those who have hurt them.

Like you said, it all boils down to God being faithful and just to forgive me of my sins and unrighteousness when I just simply ask him. I know it is him who causes me to repent too. It's not like I'm asking Satan, I should expect kindness from the one who has literally taught me kindness. All of this is definitely very strange and looking back now I can easily see that I am not my own.

[Dennis Vogel]

Tell yourself that "it's not my thought" because most likely it's not.

Eph 6:12  For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.

[Musterseed]

Welcome. nshan
I will pray God's will be done in your life.

The one who is operating all in accord with the council of His will.(Eph. 1:11)

In Christ,, Pamela

[nshan]

Yes you are probably right Dennis. That scripture rings true daily for me as it's a constant struggle. I basically need to stop the thought pretty much the very minute it enters/shouts in my head before it gives birth to sin. I have a feeling I probably am wrestling with something very wicked including myself (the son of perdition). It definitely feels like spiritual warfare.

Thank you too Pamela. It is good to know that God will help me on his terms and schedule.