How I discovered The Truth (my story)

[Anjel Uriel]

Hi, my name is Anjel and I've been a believer of these truths for almost a year now. Now, I've been a believer for as long as I can remember; In fact, I don't know of a time when I didn't believe in God. I was born into a catholic family and was raised in the church. I went to catholic school until around second grade but still went to Saturday catechesis classes for years during which I was baptized, did my first communion, and so on until I turned 14, when I did my confirmation. After that, I stopped going to church and would only go when I was dragged there by my grandma. So naturally, I strayed from The Lord. I never stopped praying or believing in God, but the desire for other things and youthful lusts, would not let me read the Bible or go to church without being bored out of my carnal teenage mind. So I carried on like this for my adolescence and during this time due to the world and my carnality, I strayed further from God and started chasing unrighteousness, I.e. getting a girlfriend, losing my virginity, being popular so people would respect me (which was to feed my pride). However, I could never get close to these goals because I was too insecure and awkward to commit to them and would get mad at God for this. Saying stuff like "Why do You do this to me, do you want me to be lonely and friendless all my life? Why do you make me suffer while those around me get the things I want?" Then after 2 minutes I would feel shame and say "I'm sorry, that was wrong of me" and the cycle would continue. I now see that this was Him protecting me from sinning by denying me those things and the shame I would feel was Him giving me repentance for when I did sin.

So I carried like this for years until I graduated High School and went into college to study audio engineering. I wanted to become a famous rapper so I could get the admiration, money, and fame I wanted. There I started hitting my stride and getting what I desired. I became more confident, for the first time in my life I started to become popular and make friends. I felt I finally was on my way to become the man I wanted to be. Then, 6 months in COVID happened. I spent the next 1 and a half years inside my home and finished my associate's degree from home. I felt robbed by God of my college experience and I believe a part of me resented Him even if I didn't recognized it at the time. I planned to study another degree because my family told me to so I decided to study Film, because why not? It could lead me to fame and money plus I could finally get the college experience that God "stole" from me. I graduated in April of 2021 and decided to enroll to the semester of August. So during this time I lounged around home doing nothing and started watching this anime called My Hero Academia, (trust me this connects back to God in an unexpected way) where it was about kids becoming superheroes and I was weirdly fascinated by it. I stated binge watching it and seeing characters, even if in the carnal sense, doing the right thing sparked something in me (I grew up idolizing Spider-Man) and I no longer wanted to become a famous rapper or a movie star, I wanted to have a job where I could help people and do the right thing. But, of course, superheroes aren't real so I was stumped. I then spent the next couple of months lost on how to be righteous and eventually for what a the time seemed like no reason, I had a question about God so I searched on Google and found a Protestant website where I got hooked on learning about God.

Then I started watching YouTube videos about God and I felt that this was strange since I was used to being bored when people would talk about God but I was intrigued. I was watching a video about hell and someone in the comments said something about hell not being real, of course I thought, "but of course it is, everyone knows that". But, his icon was a pictured of the cross and the user was named "The Real Gospel of Christ" so I clicked on his channel and followed the link to his website where he gave proof that hell wasn't real and that God will save everyone. Now when I read this, I felt a feeling of "I want to believe this but it seems too good to be true". So I did a thing which I only did in times of real despair. I went to an isolated place, bowed on my knees and fell to my face and prayed. Saying something along the lines of "My Father (I never referred to Him as such, usually I would call Him God), I want to know The Truth and nothing but The Truth, please I beg of you, do not let me be deceived by Satan or demons but show me what is The Truth, regardless of what I want or how I feel, please I beg of you". Then I went to sleep and started reading that site about universal salvation and believed. Then someone asked for another source of Truth and the writer linked The Lake of Fire series by Ray Smith so I clicked on the link and at first I was put off by Ray's article on homosexuality since I believed the lie that it was "normal" but regardless my wanting to know the Truth overpowered my discomfort and I started reading Ray's papers.

I became more and more convinced of The Truths and instead of feeling like a chore, I found it fun and enjoyable to learn about God, to pray, to help people, to read the Bible and for the first time in my life, I started to understand The Scriptures, and overcome my sins. I have made a ton of progress in my knowledge of Christ and overcoming my sins. In a matter of months I went from a lying potty mouth that had anger issues and wanted to fornicate with as many women as possible. To a guy that practically never lies, never cusses, can control his anger and doesn't want to lose his virginity until he's married. However, I still struggle immensely sometimes with porn and masturbation and I believe this is "my thorn in the flesh" that God has not removed yet so I can keep growing and keep me humble. Cause I've noticed that every time I start to feel proud about overcoming my sins, I fall flat on my face with porn and lust in general. So I'm convinced that God has not removed that sin yet until I learn to stop becoming self righteous and proud and recognized that is Him through The Lord in me, who is doing the overcoming, not me alone. Especially now where I went a full month non stop falling and failing to overcome porn and it has been the most humbling experience of my life because it showed me that I of myself can do nothing. But, I wanted to share my testimony so I can introduce my self to the forum and ask you all to have patience with me since I learned The Truth less than a full year ago and I'm still a spiritual fetus.

Your brother in Christ, Anjel.

[Rhys 🕊]

Welcome and thanks for sharing your story. I understand the feeling of being robbed by God as lost my wife in a accident. It's hard to make sense of God's plan at these times but I know He is still working in my life even if the answers you want now are not there.

Rhys

[indianabob]

Hi Anjel,
Very much appreciate all that you have shared with us.
Your story and experience is inspiring and helpful.
I will be looking forward to hearing much more from you as we grow together in God's spirit.

A new friend, Indiana Bob, Plymouth, Indiana

[Anjel Uriel]

Hi Rhys and Indiana Bob, thanks for your thoughts and for welcoming me to the forum and I look forward to fellowshipping with you more here.

[indianabob]

Hi again Anjel,

I would like to comment further about overcoming.
Yes Jesus our Lord would like it for us to grow in grace and knowledge of God's will for us and for all of mankind as we experience life. However, let's not take ourselves too seriously when it comes to setting goals and measuring up to the standard some would set for us.
One of the major items that God wants us to realize is just how weak we are and how impossible it is for any human to obey the law successfully. Of course, nothing is impossible for God, but that doesn't mean that God expects us to ever, in this mortal existence, live as obediently as His only begotten son Jesus did.
No mortal other than Jesus ever could.

That is the lesson and that explicit truth is why we will be so amazed and pleased when we are changed by a miracle gift and find ourselves able to see Jesus as he is because we will be exactly like Him. 

1Jn 3:2 Beloved, now are we the sons of God, and it doth not yet appear what we shall be: but we know that, when he shall appear, we shall be like him; for we shall see him as he is. 

Rom 3:9-20 Therefore by the deeds of the law there shall no flesh be justified in his sight: [for by the law] is the knowledge of sin.