As of late, the Spirit has impressed on me the importance of resisting the devil and his temptations. I've never thoroughly understood this idea, until the Spirit began making me more aware of the moments where I am being tempted in my heart and mind. So, these last few months, whenever I've been tempted to think of something sinful, I would call out to Jesus to help me with the full understanding and through confession to Him that I cannot do it myself. So far, so good, I thought. That's not to say it's been easy, as these forceful pulls of the flesh command my full attention as Christ brings into obedience my every thought and emotion. Nevertheless, Christ has fought and overcome for me each time.
However, these last three days and especially yesterday have been spiritually much more challenging and demanding than the last few months. I've been in tremendous physical pain for the last three days, to the point I began wishing for death. These overwhelming bouts of pain can last a good two, to three hours at a time and I have to endure these bouts of pain at least twice a day. Even when the pain subsides, there is always a lesser lingering pain that can last all day. I would rather not take painkillers, as I'm afraid they might interact with my heart and thyroid meds negatively. So, I'm feeling like I'm between a rock and a hard place once again.
Now, I'm not here to complain about the pain, or to try to make you feel sorry for me. I am here to say how much harder it was to resist temptation during the intense pain. My guard was completely down, I couldn't concentrate on that which I was supposed to be resisting due to the pain. The sinful thoughts began trickling in, and I sinned in my heart. I just could not resist the overwhelming irritability that came with the pain. It's like sin and the devil took advantage of me in my weakest moment. Everything within my sight was offending me to the point I had resentment and hate, as if everything in my sight was the cause of my pain. I was begging Jesus the whole time to have mercy on me to make these thoughts stop, and He made them stop, then the pain began to stop. I cried like I haven't cried in a long time afterward, to the point that even the crying became painful. It felt like some part of me died, I was so ashamed and so sad. Suffice it to say, I don't want to go through that again. The physical pain and emotional pain was too much. I know the devil inflicted this evil on me, but at the behest of the Lord. So, I rejoiced eventually, knowing that it creates godly character.
Today, I've been thinking an awful lot of all of you. It is said that when one part of the body suffers, the entire body suffers with it. I don't claim to fully understand this, but I'm almost inclined to believe that what this means is that we are all suffering greatly for Christ at the same time. So, I ask, how do we carry each other's burdens?
Brothers, if someone is caught in any wrongdoing, you who are spiritual should restore such a person with a gentle spirit, watching out for yourselves so you won't be tempted also. Carry one another's burdens; in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. For if anyone considers himself to be something when he is nothing, he is deceiving himself. But each person should examine his own work, and then he will have a reason for boasting in himself alone, and not in respect to someone else. For each person will have to carry his own load. The one who is taught the message must share his goods with the teacher. Don't be deceived: God is not mocked. For whatever a man sows he will also reap, because the one who sows to his flesh will reap corruption from the flesh, but the one who sows to the Spirit will reap eternal life from the Spirit. So we must not get tired of doing good, for we will reap at the proper time if we don't give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, we must work for the good of all, especially for those who belong to the household of faith. - Gal 6:1-10
If anyone has anything to add to this to help aid in my understanding, please feel free to do so. Let us not stop praying for one another so that the faith, hope, and love may never be extinguished.
Peace and God bless you all.