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[Daddysgirl.2]

For 7 years now I've been living in nothing short of an abyss. My now 7year old son was born with congenital pneumonia, hooked to machines I'd never seen before in my life, even high-tech movies. Had a nervous breakdown naturally, quit my career and it's been rough since. Also struggling with family, life and marital woes, being that I had always been pretty enduring and resilient(all God's undeserved gifts), so in the process I lost myself, still played physician & provider to family members while trying to maintain my own sanity and solidness. I've not been the same since and the overarching feeling is that of uselessness and lots of self loathing and self depletion to bitter ends.

Everyone of course moved on. I didn't. I couldn't. Tried many things.
My life in the outside had always seemed like a self created fairytale for which I always gave credit to The Master. Anxiety, low grade depression and physical illnesses have been my daily bread.
I'm not the pity type and so I isolate. A lot.

Tried to get back into the swing of things more times than I can count, to no avail. I left the church eons ago and have no inclination for physical fellowship with most christians, Always loved humanity and could navigate different settings with all kinds of people easily.

The forum used to be a place of more than fellowship and refuge, sometimes just logging in my troubles or struggles would be in a post somewhere. I'm finding that we're more guarded now.
I guess there's no groundbreaking purpose for this post but to try and remind us all from whence we came.
I am also mindful that I was away for a while as an active member myself so the irony is not lost on me.

Blessings and love,
Matty

P.S. as you saw in one previous post, I'm not oblivious to my own fallennes, reactions and leaving my first love through all of this.

[Dennis Vogel]

I'll be praying for you Matty. It's always harder when something happens to our children than to us.

[ralph]

I've been in a similar place for many years.  I know EVERYTHING you are going through.  The only difference compared to former years is that I don't stay in the abyss for long.  I go down for a bit during times of severe tribulation.  He keeps me there long enough to  humble me, to bring to the surface what still needs to be burned out, but also to show his strength:

2 Corinthians 12:9

9 And He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness." Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

I am not particularly guarded.  I will share anything if asked or if it is relevant to the conversation at hand.  

These scriptures come to mind as I am responding:

1 Peter 4:12-13
12 Beloved, do not think it strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened to you; 13 but rejoice to the extent that you partake of Christ's sufferings, that when His glory is revealed, you may also be glad with exceeding joy.

1 Peter 4:17
17 For the time has come for judgment to begin at the house of God; and if it begins with us first, what will be the end of those who do not obey the gospel of God?

Philippians 1:6
6 being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ

1 Peter 1:3-8
3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who according to His abundant mercy has begotten us again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, 4 to an inheritance incorruptible and undefiled and that does not fade away, reserved in heaven for you, 5 who are kept by the power of God through faith for salvation ready to be revealed in the last time.
6 In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while, if need be, you have been grieved by various trials, 7 that the genuineness of your faith, being much more precious than gold that perishes, though it is tested by fire, may be found to praise, honor, and glory at the revelation of Jesus Christ, 8 whom having not seen you love. Though now you do not see Him, yet believing, you rejoice with joy inexpressible and full of glory,

God has revealed much to me during my period of isolation, and I am happy to chat more.  

Your friend in tribulation.  Much Love,

Ralph

[friendofJC]

God loves you right where you are Matty.  I am praying that God comforts you. 

[Daddysgirl.2]

Thank you friendofJC. I recall your words a couple of times a day quite often. Knowing and being assured of God's love is priceless. I'd assumed that I did respond to your encouraging comment of comfort.

[friendofJC]

I am glad that my words encouraged you Daddysgirl.  That made my day!  1 Peter 5:7  casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you.