Also, I had written a long post, I reconsidered when I recalled how living in a dysfunctional body is, which I am not out of the woods of yet. I know the wishing for death ( but consider the sensitive) of whom I was and really still am.
I wanted to simply say Dennis, I never really left BT, I stayed in the shadows because Ray’s death really hit hard. I am a lousy speaker and don’t feel confident about measuring my words. So, when I see you I’ll.. it all comes back.
Not only your son needs you.
The comforting word about death paper had people even thinking I’m a stone, unaffected. I partly was because that paper truly was comforting. Then I was with a series of very close deaths, a long tiring spell. I eventually crumbled given I was unwell too. To be honest, even my own mother’s passing found me worn out, tired and just eager to get the burial done and asked to be spared the devastation. There was no person left here anymore.
I don’t check in and write these things because for a 40yr old it sounds disparaging to the hearers. I think for many it’s difficult but understandable when one thinks the mature in age suffer an ache or two. I can’t handle it. In this whole world I have God and days like this when I’m in doubt, I get so confused and realise I truly could not go on without BT.
If I’ve offended, truly sincerely I am sorry. I won’t even proofread in case I delete like before.