Obviously, I can't speak for Ray (and wouldn't want to try). Given the context of the email Ray was responding to it seems likely that he is talking about us loving God, which in a way is an entirely different thing than us loving our enemies. So, I think it might be easiest to understand if you take his comment that we love someone based on what they do for us as an explanation for the why we love God, which seems to be the question he was answering. We can't love God before He loves us, and we love God because He loves us first. I think the point is that God is fine (and actually plans and knows) that we love Him as a response to Him loving us. This is not what those who believe in "free will" often teach. In the same way, if you come to love someone who loves you first, do you expect that person to go...oh no...your love isn't real (or valuable, etc) because I loved you first. No, most people I think would be happy that the person they loved had grown to love them.
Those who are spiritually young or haven't had their eyes opened love someone for "what they do for us". We love God because He loves us and shows us His love. So, loving in response to someone else's love, for what they do for us, that is how we are when we really start to love God. As we grow and mature in our spiritual knowledge, God leads us beyond this basic carnal form of love
"You have heard that it was said, 'Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect. Matthew 5:43-48
Loving your enemies is not loving those in response to their love (obviously). This is one of the fruits of becoming more spiritually mature. We move beyond the carnal state (loving others or God because they love us first) to the more mature state of loving others who don't love us. It is a progression in our maturation to becoming perfected in Him that we all go through. We love those who love us (including God) then God teaches us to love even those who don't love us or seek to hurt us. I don't think we love our enemies "because we need to be obedient to God". We grow to love our enemies, which is God's will for us, because He puts His love in our hearts...and He already loves them.
Does this make sense?
mongoose