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Fleeting moments of joy

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chuckusa:
Hello all,

Lately, something has been occuring in my life that I don't understand.

I have been experiencing JOY.

This feeling only lasts a second or two, intense, profound and very clear...then it fades away, leaving me again in what I call my natural state. In most cases a very long sigh escapes me as I realize once again, that it was just another fleeting moment of joy. I've even labeled it, such is its presense in my life now.

During these moments, it is as if I am seeing the world through different eyes. I feel young again, almost like a teenagers body but yet with the wisdom of my experience behind it...an incredible purpose surging through my veins, a happiness beyond words...as if I could fly. Love seems to become the very fabric of existence, all is good, all is as it should be, all is forgiven, I am free, I have purpose, I have LIFE.

And then it is gone.

What follows is dread. Dread that I will never experience those moments again. That it is simply a mirage... that such a state doesn't exist. The contrast between those moments and my normal life is incredibly profound and depressing. I haven't been happy for a long time, despite my best efforts...I feel empty inside most of the time. These moments only make it worse.

I am very confused as to why God would show me this state. It only makes me feel more like giving up, it doesn't energize me, or encourage me, or seem to be leading me in any direction. It simply seems like just another thing that I will never have. That once again, I've been left out of something wonderful...like I am looking through the glass, but not being invited in.

I do realize all the good things that God has given me. It's not as if I don't realize that...but these feelings of JOY are incredible...like no other feeling I have ever had. I feel as if I want to scream at the top of my lungs, to shout as loud as I can that I can LOVE, that I can FEEL, that I can SEE...but I am so taken by suprise each time it happens, that only my mind responds with a racing stream of thoughts of how now, armed with this incredible feeling, that I am going to LIVE my life THROUGH this, and for this, and by this...how NOW...I can take on anything, that I will never fail again.

But then, like I said...it falls away. Leaving me...to myself. That is beyond depressing.

To be honest, it feels like he is trying to prepare me for something. As if the damn is about to break. Each time it feels so much like that, as if I need to prepare...but for what? And How?

If anyone feels like they understand what I am going through, would you please pray for me. I only want to understand what God is trying to tell me.

Maybe I am finally really going crazy.

Your brother,
Chuck

mongoose:
Chuck,
  You are not going crazy, that's for sure.  I spent 100% of the time I can remember growing up and until I was 24 or so being tied in knots, anxious, and unhappy.  I rarely was happy and when I was it felt frantic and almost fake.  Then, everything changed.  God talked to my heart and I felt joy, like what you are describing for the first time in my life.  And like you, it was only there for a second and came and went (and still does) and I wanted it to go on forever and would get upset when it was taken away.  The contrast made the rest of life seem dull and lifeless in comparison.

I've thought about this a lot over the years.  It was so bothersome to me.  The conclusion I came to: it's a dim little taste of what it'll be like for us when He completes His work.  We can't imagine the joy and happiness and love we will experience when we're with Him in the end.....

Never again will they hunger; never again will they thirst. The sun will not beat upon them, nor any scorching heat.  For the Lamb at the center of the throne will be their shepherd; he will lead them to springs of living water. And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes." Revelation 7:16-17

And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, "Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away."  He who was seated on the throne said, "I am making everything new!" Then he said, "Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true." Revelation 21:3-5

Then the angel showed me the river of the water of life, as clear as crystal, flowing from the throne of God and of the Lamb down the middle of the great street of the city. On each side of the river stood the tree of life, bearing twelve crops of fruit, yielding its fruit every month. And the leaves of the tree are for the healing of the nations. No longer will there be any curse. The throne of God and of the Lamb will be in the city, and his servants will serve him. They will see his face, and his name will be on their foreheads. There will be no more night. They will not need the light of a lamp or the light of the sun, for the Lord God will give them light. And they will reign for ever and ever. The angel said to me, "These words are trustworthy and true. The Lord, the God of the spirits of the prophets, sent his angel to show his servants the things that must soon take place.".....The Spirit and the bride say, "Come!" And let him who hears say, "Come!" Whoever is thirsty, let him come; and whoever wishes, let him take the free gift of the water of life.  Revelation 22:1-7,17

It's been like that for about 10 years now.  I know I am young and fanciful, but the coming and going of these flashes of overwhelming joy quit bothering me when I started thinking of them as kisses from God.  Like kisses, they are often quick...but they also I think are given out of love.  When I started thinking of them that way, then the bouts in between that had been depressing became more bearable.  The memories and anticipation of these little unexpected kisses from God make me smile.  And, when I look at myself now, I feel a bit of this all the time.  Not the peak for sure (which I don't think I could really bear for long anyway), but more of a quiet contentment and just general good humor.  I find myself smiling for no reason, even when I'm having a bad day.  I thought for awhile I was daft.  I think it may be God's way of strengthening you and expressing love....my opinion.  I hope that this helps; I think they are meant to give comfort and hope.  He loves you so much my brother.

Love to you in Christ,

mongoose

Andy_MI:
Brother Chuck,

What you've shared is exactally what I've been feeling also. The last time I felt a "fleeting moment of joy" is when you PMed me with your encouraging words. When I experience those moments I stop whatever I'm doing and close my eyes and surrender to that moment. Praise begins to flow out of my mouth for my Lord. It's like a rush of pure clean love from above. And then just like you said, it's gone.... and I'm back to my feelings of dispare and helplessness. I too have been on the edge of just giving up and laying down and waiting for death to relieve me of the pain, frustration, anger, and depression.

I think you are on to something though when you said that God might be preparing you for something wonderful.  I've had that same idea also.  

I feel that when God chooses someone he first chastens and breaks the person in order to mold and shape him/her into His new creation. The clay has to be kneaded and squeezed and beaten in order to make it plyable to be workable in the Potter's hands.  This hope that something good is about to happen is the only thing keeping me going, also the grace of God "keeping" me.  Without those things, I would surely fall away.

I'm praying for you brother,, please pray for me too.

Love,

Andy

Patrick:
Chuck, I understand what you are going through.
I don't have the answer you are looking for, my brother. But if it's any consolation, you are not alone.

Matt. 11:29; Take My yoke upon you, and learn of Me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.
II Peter 1: 2-10; if you do these things you shall never fall.
Jude 24-25; Now unto Him that is able to keep you from falling, and to present you faultless before the presence of His glory with exceeding joy. To the only wise God our Saviour, be glory and majesty, dominion and power, both now and ever. Amen

These Scriptures really help me in times such as now.
Thanks to Ray for the study notes from the conference.

I'll be praying for you and please pray for me also.
Patrick


 

buddyjc:
The trials of our faith give us HOPE. 

1Pe 1:5  Who are kept by the power of God through faith unto salvation ready to be revealed in the last time.

1Pe 1:6  Wherein ye greatly rejoice, though now for a season, if need be, ye are in heaviness through manifold temptations:

1Pe 1:7  That the trial of your faith, being much more precious than of gold that perisheth, though it be tried with fire, might be found unto praise and honour and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ:

1Pe 1:8  Whom having not seen, ye love; in whom, though now ye see him not, yet believing, ye rejoice with joy unspeakable and full of glory:

1Pe 1:9  Receiving the end of your faith, even the salvation of your souls

Rom 5:1  Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ:

Rom 5:2  By whom also we have access by faith into this grace wherein we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God.

Rom 5:3  And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience;

Rom 5:4  And patience, experience; and experience, hope:

Rom 5:5  And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us.

Boy, I can't wait to experience the joy that will never end.

Brian

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