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Struggling to Forgive
SandyFla:
Well, I’ve read and reread each of your replies and would like to respond to some of them. (If I don’t respond to yours, please don’t take that to mean you weren’t helpful, because each of you were!)
Patrick – I can relate when you say, “I can be having a great day, and someone nearly crashes into me or is rude/vulgar; I can explode in a rage so fast.” I can be the same way. It’s weird how sometimes the littlest thing will set me off, but at another day or time, I would’ve just shrugged it off or laughed about it.
Ward – I really do think I have forgiven him, as you said, but what God is teaching me in all this, I have yet to discover. As for your question (“If somehow you come to the conclusion that you have actually forgiven this man, will you remember that it wasn't you, but God?”), my answer is Yes. I can’t forgive him (or anyone) on my own; I tried that. Didn’t work.
Angie – You could be right that I’ve made him my mental scapegoat. Any time I go off on my “man-hating” rants, he’s one of the first to pop into my head. All those old feelings from the past get drudged back up, and the hurt is still there.
Marie – Yes, he does need my prayers. As I said, if he’s that miserable, he is to be pitied.
Chuck – You said, “Something about this man just really got under your skin, and it's being used over and over against you.” Yep. You hit the nail on the head! It reminds me of all the emotional abuse I endured with my first boyfriend, and how I wish I would’ve kicked that repairman out like I eventually did to my b/f. If I had it to do over again—give me just 5 minutes with him—I’d get all my anger out and be done with it. (OK, it’s starting again … UUUUGGGGH!!!)
Mary Ann – You said, “When you find yourself in this state, try singing your favorite song, worship God, sing praises to His name. Keep praising him until the yoke is broken.” Looks like it’s time for me to start doing that now, LOL!
Sandy
sansmile:
Hi all,
Don't know if this will help you but what helps me forgive is God inside me saying: :)
"Hate the sin not the man"
Sandie
chuckt:
--- Quote from: SandyFla on September 27, 2006, 05:34:55 PM ---I am having a terrible time forgiving someone.
Back in January 2004, we had a repairman come to our house. He didn't know what he was doing and got extremely angry. His boss told me that the man had been working for him for 15 years, and he knows how to do the job. After 3 or 4 days of enduring his temper tantrums, I'd had it. As soon as he left, I called another company, who sent a repairman out and fixed the problem in a matter of minutes. I then called the other man's boss and told him we no longer needed his services.
Immediately I began fantasizing about the most vicious things I'd like to do to that incompetent worker. Truth be told--I despised him with a passion, more than I ever thought it possible to hate another human being. I know that to feel that kind of hatred is equal to murder in God's eyes (I John 3:15). I also know that if I don't forgive him, God won't forgive me (Matthew 6:15/Mark 11:26).
For nearly 3 years now, I've done everything I can think of to try to forgive this man--from making a conscious effort to quoting Scripture to begging God for help. I've even tried to feel sorry for him, because anyone who acted like he did would have to be a very miserable person. It works for awhile, and I can think about him without any hard feelings. But other times, I'll remember what he was like, and all that old hatred comes back to the point where I don't WANT to forgive him.
But I do.
Can someone please tell me how I can forgive him once and for all? Or, have I already forgiven him, but sometimes my emotions get out of hand? (As I said in another thread, DARN those hormones!) I don't even have to think about him for very long before it starts ... I'll think of him one second, and the next second, BOOM! I'm already fantasizing about taking vengeance. Then I catch myself and try to stop. What's wrong with me?
Sandy
--- End quote ---
love.
most likly you have forgiven him but not yourself. forget about it.
In order to renovate the house, someone in Japan tore open the wall. Japanese houses normally have a hollow space between the wooden walls. When tearing down the walls, he found that there was a lizard stuck there because a nail from outside was hammered into one of its feet. He saw this, felt pity, and at the same time he was curious. When he checked the nail, turns out, it was nailed 10 years ago when the house was first built.
What happened?
The lizard had survived in such a position for 10 years! In a dark wall partition for 10 years without moving, it is impossible and mind boggling. Then he wondered how this lizard survived for 10 years without moving a single step--since its foot was nailed!
So he stopped his work and observed the lizard, what it had been doing, and what and how it had been eating. Later, not knowing from where it came, appeared another lizard, with food in its mouth.
Ahh! He was stunned and at the same time, touched deeply. Another lizard had been feeding the stuck one for the past 10 years...
Such love, such a beautiful love! Such love happened with this tiny creature...
What can love do? It can do wonders! Love can perform miracles!
Just think about it; one lizard had been feeding the other one
untiringly for 10 long years, without giving up hope on its partner.
If a small creature like a lizard can love like this...
just imagine how we can love if we try!
keys2heaven:
Sandy,
I was involved with a discussion this past weekend where we discussed the recent school shootings. We talked at lengths about how the Amish community almost immediately forgave not only the family of the shooter, but the shooter himself. In fact, they have wrapped their arms around the family of the shooter. Can you imagine!
Most in our group agreed that while this "act" of forgiveness was demonstrated, there will be an emotional process to be worked out. Some feel that the Amish will feel the process of forgiveness for years.
This brings up a good questionn; how does one PROVE forgiveness? If you forgive in your HEART (where Christ now dwells with and IN you), doesn't that mean that you have truly forgiven? Are you to now become an "emotional corpse" because of the act of forgiveness?
Perhaps, just perhaps, this man embodied someone or something else in your life. Maybe this person reminds you of something that happened long ago and God is now using this event to focus you on it. There could be many reasons.
How many of us will say that we forgave someone, only to walk the other direction when we see that person on the street or in a hallway at church? When Jesus forgave, did He then avoid us?
What if God were to have you go to this man and tell him how his attitude affected you. What if you then told him that you forgave him and have been praying for him? What if he then broke down and cried? What if you were being directed to God to minister to him in his time of need? What if? What if?
Remember, it is the constant submission of our "will" to do that of God's will that causes the disconnect. Since emotions are tied to our "will", this can be a painful process, but one that God has already worked out. Remember that His plan IS perfect!
SandyFla:
--- Quote from: sansmile on October 10, 2006, 11:38:57 AM ---Hi all,
Don't know if this will help you but what helps me forgive is God inside me saying: :)
"Hate the sin not the man"
Sandie
--- End quote ---
See, that's where my problem lies. It's hard for me to separate the man from the sin; i.e., "hate the sin but love the sinner." To me, what someone does is them, a part of who they are.
"Who shall deliver me from the body of this death?
God, through Jesus Christ."
But when, O Lord?
Sandy
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