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[JDH]

I have had trouble figuring out how to raise my son in a christian environment.  More to the point, I was raised in church and I know that at least one of the advantages of growing up in the church is being around christians.  Now I might not believe everything they believe, but they did believe in Jesus and it was good to have that fellowship.  Now that I have came to believe that the church is wrong in many of things that they preach, namely the hellfire and brimstone stuff, I can't attend church without thinking "These teaching are completely wrong."  So what I struggle with is whether or not I take my son to church? I want him to have that fellowship with young christians, but I don't want him to have the false beliefs that are taught in church.  Any ideas?

[JJ]

No ideas, but have same situation and now that the last 2 girls are teens,
it matters, but at least they have each other.   I still let 15 yr old go to
a youth group, because I know the leaders and it is safe enviroment.
She has some very good friends that are not hyper-religous, but very
clean-cut.  Being homeschooled, she is already very unhappy to not
be with people much.  I wouldn't do S.S. or Bible studies, but socializing
w/  moral kids........ better alternative than worldly kids, or locking them
in a cage!! 

They still have to make up their own mind what they will believe.
Really tough to change beliefs mid-life - hard for them to grasp what is right.
Life doesn't have set rules, but I do know God has a plan.  That is my only
peace that God's will, will be accomplished, through me or despite me.
JJ

[Chris R]

Hello,

We should be a example for our children, we have all heard the phrase "i'd rather see a sermon rather than hear one". this holds true for our children as well. be prepared to answer their questions, they will have many.

Chris R

[Kat]

Hi JDH and JJ,

It is a struggle we face constantly, what is best for our children.
I have home schooled 3 girls, the first 2 never attended in a school,
the youngest (17) is in high school now. 
 
There was a home school group that met monthly,
and the girls made friends there.
But I did bring them up in church,
because I felt they should be 'socializing w/ moral kids'.
I had a very close relationship with my girls,
and I can tell you churched kids are not always moral.
They did make friends there,
but there was unfortunate things that did happen there too.
With what I know now, I would not take them to church.
They do teach about Jesus,
but there is so much wrong teachings mixed in,
it would be a continuing battle to correct it all.
God is leading you in the truth that the church has no clue about,
you would be a much better teacher for your children.

Deu 6:6  Keep these words, which I say to you this day, deep in your hearts;
Deu 6:7  Teaching them to your children with all care, talking of them when you are at rest in your house or walking by the way, when you go to sleep and when you get up.
Deu 6:8  Let them be fixed as a sign on your hand, and marked on your brow;

We have to pray without ceasing that God will provide us with what our children need.

1Th 5:16  Rejoice always,
1Th 5:17  pray without ceasing,
1Th 5:18  give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

Homeschooling in not for everybody, but I do not regret it in the least.
Socialization is not as important is it is made out to be,
but seeking ways that they can be around other kids is good.
Hope this helped, I'll pray for your strength and courage in this.

mercy, peace, and love
Kat

[JJ]

Yes, Kat, I always believed and lived that:  socialization is not as important as world says--
the family is enough, with a little on the side..... but one of my teens is more social.... and
her best friend, her sister, just left for college, leaving the 15 yr. hurting and lonely--
very depressed at times. 

If you don't "do church"-- something we have never done-- and most of the homeschooled
kids are VERY churchy and don't do kids that don't do church........  leaves a teen with NO
opportunity for friends or teens...... but like i said there are a few kids that are balanced--
not hyper-religious but moral and mature...... so allowing a night a week to see friends
at youth group is not taboo..... no more than sending kids to school is taboo--- but it is
confusing when you have to avoid church, but don't want to let your kids join in on the
world's social life........ it works for me, but teens have to have a life as they approach
adulthood.   Again,  God  will work it all out -  have to trust.  thanks for sharing your
experience-- it can get lonely out here-- homeschooled but not  "churched".
jj

[Kat]

Hi JJ,

Seems to me you are working out things pretty well 
As I had said, I relended and have put my youngest in school.
She too is very out going and social, and wanted to go badly.
It has worked out quite well for her.
Having her home in her formative years, I believe made all the difference.
She is a good role model in her school, has made good freinds too.
It just worked out well in our situation, but I am still very much involved 
We have to make hard decisions, prayerfully we do what we think is best for our children.
I might be an ex-homeschooler, but I offer you all support in what you are doing.

mercy, peace, and love
Kat

[joyful1]

Feel free to email me, if you would like to...I've  home schooled seven, including one special needs... our situation was one of extreme isolation given that our special needs child was difficult to transport, plus, we home schooled and home churched. I have 4 either in university or on their way shortly...of the other three, one is special needs and will always be at home... and the other two are in public school now. Our family's biggest heart aches stemmed from problems that were brought into our children's lives through public school--still, these problems may have been necessary for purposes unknown to us as yet ! I always felt called to home school, and I am very satisfied with the results! Some of the isolation afforded various ones time to heal from trauma experienced in early childhood (I've adopted three that lost their mother at a very young age) The isolation also gave various ones lots of time to develop computer, writing, and research as well as musical skills. This would later translate into money for college. They also were able to "daydream" on long walks in the woods or by the river. Time alone with God....money can't buy that!

[joyful1]

Just one other quick note;
I've watched the ones that home schooled 12 years and the ones that just "had to go" to public school around grade 9...
the ones that stayed at home had to deal with "thinking" about EVERYTHING in life!

 the ones that went to public school had no TIME in their busy schedules to really bring about a good resolution to some of their problems..

I'm just giving you my observations here as a mom...but hopefully they may help?

the issues that we really need to deal with....come to the surface in quiet (albeit boring for teenagers) hours alone....someone, help me out with a scripture here?....
Joyce

[JJ]

I really appreciate all the comments and experiences that each of you have shared-- thanks!

that is true-- homeschooling teens have lots of time to think and she is doing that-- very scary
at first cuz of some of her ideas, but i see that she is doing some deep thinking at an early age
that possibly she would not do if she had a heavy social life.   her attitude has improved for
a time.  she is of the type that i would not want to trust in school...... good kid, strong-willed,
level headed, but possibly would be too easily influenced at the young age of 15......

i'm at peace about it all-- God is in control of it all. 

I don't think there is only one way to educate kids (home/private/public)-- different
seasons and strokes for different  folks.
and we have a grown son that
at this time would reflect very poorly on our methods (homeschooled, strick morals).
Thankfully, God isn't finished with him yet. 

anyway, i'm hanging/enduring/trusting that God will continue to help me serve these
girls and like i said work through me or despite me.  If they learn from my words or
life or even my misttakes and struggles, so be it.
jj

[Prosizz]

I have three children, age 9, 7 and three. We have homeschooled our first two until last January when we decided to send them to the public school system. I am sure each and everyone of us who makes a decision in homeschooling have  reasons for choosing that. ours was ultimately to protect our children from the influence of the world and at the same time faithfully went to church with them were mountains of heresies are taught...

Nevertheless, when we found out that some of the home schooled kids in our network are not that different from kids who go to the public school system (we have friends who have embraced homeschooling as we well as those who have chosing public school), I realized it was time I reevalualte my reasoning in continuing in that regard.

I agreed with the person who mentioned  here that not all people going to church or children from  christian families are always moral.

We have basically adopted the same attitude with our children whether they attend church or attend public school: we have the responsibility to teach our children the truth and set an example for them  by living daily  the truth. If the church teach them something that is contrary to scriptures, as long as we have the knowledge of the truth, we will show them scripturally where the church is wrong. We will continue thus until God decide otherwise for us.

Remember Psalms 127:1 "Unless the LORD builds the house, They labor in vain who build it; Unless the LORD guards the city, The watchman keeps awake in vain."
This scripture have been our strenght. We know that we cannot in our own might protect our children.God is the ultimate decider. We can only do what can and trust God for the perfection of his will.

[YellowStone]

This thread has been very good reading and it is clear to see how God has called each of you. My wife and I do not "home-school" in the strictest sense of the word; however, to say that we do not, would be foolish.

My wife works from home and is present when our son leaves and when he returns; she has always taken a very active role in Donny's education. Thiis includes meeting, and befriending all of his teachers. She keeps in touch with them all and they see her as a friend as well as a parent. My point is, that we as parents have taken a very special interest in Donny's education and we talk about his school, teachers, subjects, what happened, friends, people hurting or falling back and why? It is simply amazing how much we have learned just by discussing everything from chemistry, trigonometry, world politics, history, good teachers, bad teachers, etc. In doing so, we have been able to offer Donny alternative ways at looking at things.

For example, only rarely does a teachers teaching style "click" with a student; we soon fixed the "it's the teacher fault...." with it's not their fault if they don't know that you don't get something. There are of course any number of ways of asking for help or for anything that increase your chances of getting what you want that a better than "...Duh, I don't get it" These are life skills, some kids are born with them, Donny had to learn them.

But as a result of this journey, Donny has excelled and has made the national honor role in highschool three years running. He has become a very respected person, by peers, teachers and even the principal of very large highschool. He has become a leader, (not of his chosing) and is looked up too. This happened not by "chance", public schooling should not be looked as "out of mind and out of siight" as many parents tend to do.

Please do not think for a moment that we frown on home schooling, it's just that I wanted to show that "public schooling" is NOT (left that word out) necessarily bad. As God takes an active role in his children, so must we in ours.

Thanks, to you all.

Darren

[joyful1]

Darren--
I really must respond to your post!!
And here is my response:
Would you allow me this "public confession" and would you consider forgiving me?
I re-read my posts on the subject and thought to myself: you arrogant fool!
I'm sorry! I'm VERY sorry!
It's silly for me to say something like; "oh--but I didn't mean it that way!" because I did mean it!  What a fool I've been!

I did cry out to God for guidance in deciding to home school...and I did feel that for our family...it was His will.  I did give it my very best effort ...and I am satisfied with the educational results as well as the relationships that I have today with MOST of my children.
However, in trying to "brag" a bit about all of that I realized something that is VERY important;
Any GOOD that came of it can only be attributed to God and not me or my children!
It is ALL of God!

Just one last quick thought:
I do think its important sometimes, to delay ( *not remove, but delay) the temptations of easily accessible and potentially life-threatening drugs, such as ecstasy, as well as hetero-sexual relationships outside of marriage, and "alternative lifestyles."  I knew that my girls especially, would have to face these temptations one day--I felt that the age at which they would have been forced to deal with them in public school, was in fact, for them, too young.

So; for right or wrong--that is WHY I did what did.
anyway; no more books online! sorry!   Joyce

[JJ]

Many of us homeschoolers think h.s. is only way-- i felt that way in past,
but really there is only one way to do the best as a parent -  to be totally
engaged as Darren spoke of......  and then there are failings, because we
are human and in a learning process...... but if we are totally engaged,
in love, for the love and best interest of our children,
whether homeschooled, public, or private,  they will grow up to know we
did the best we could and find comfort and security in that fact. There
will be learning gaps, both academically and socially either way we
choose, cuz none of us are perfect.  That leaves room for God to
work in the children as they mature, to teach them  humilty and
show them that they NEED HIM- just as He is doing w/ each  of us.

Again, love is the most important ingredient here-- and love promotes
us to be engaged with our children, as well as set restrictions-- just
as God, our Father does w/ us.

Thanks joyful for your humiility in your confession.
I got my awakening when  my son went the opposite of the way
he was taught--all my engagement and love fell short of producing
a neat package.....  this was the beginning of God showing me that
HE is sovereign and I  can not control outcomes in life...  and yet i
see God's hand working thru the heartaches-- good news is that
the story of my son's life is not complete and God will set all things
right in time-- we will all bow before Him someday.
JJ

[YellowStone]

Joyce asked:

Darren--
I really must respond to your post!!
And here is my response:
Would you allow me this "public confession" and would you consider forgiving me?
I re-read my posts on the subject and thought to myself: you arrogant fool!
I'm sorry! I'm VERY sorry!
It's silly for me to say something like; "oh--but I didn't mean it that way!" because I did mean it!  What a fool I've been!

Joyce, you have NOTHING to apologize or to be forgiven for.

And don't ever be sorry for something that you prayed about and believe in. If anyone should apologize, it is me for writing in such a way to make you feel this way

There are pluses and minus's to both home-schooling and private/public schools. God helped us by allowing us to move to a wonderful school district. Our son is a god kid and we thank God for him regularly, but I imagine that you do the same for your children.

Thanks Joyce,

Love to you and your family,

Darren

[gmik]

Just a quick thought from a public school teacher.

I have a student this year who has always been home school with her other 8 siblings.  I teach 4 th grade and she is on a 1st grade level.  She can't spell her last name.  She is sweet bright and not impaired.  But she did have LAZY parents.  If you home school be sure to be vigilant and dedicated!

I used to teach in a private school. Some problems but not too many.  Search around & find a good one.  Do your homework. I didn't worry about the christian teaching, but I liked that I could pray with my students and talk about God.

My belief is that public high school has got to be one dangerous place, on many levels.  The availablilty of drugs is unparallel. Bullying, ethnic divisions, sex, you name it.

Just my opinion.  As all the posts indicate the Lord has us in different places.

gena

[Phazel]

I raised my kids early on in church, because I felt it important.  Yet, thier experiences have not helped them in thier lives to any significant degree.

Most churches have kids in them that can be every bit as hurtful as thier public school counter parts.

One church was always bragging about thier youth group and how friendly and loving they all were to each other.  They forgot to mention the kids that were caught having sex, they forgot to mention the group leaders who didn't pay enough attention to them to see the fondling and I was at a home once where if a few youth guys weren't exhibiting gay tendencies (of course they were just very friendly) then maybe you can call me a homophobe.

That rambling being said.  If you as a parent aren't involved in thier lives, if you aren't thier source for spiritual leadership, if you aren't thier primary source for fellowship, fun and memories then what will happen is they will just get in trouble with church kids rather than secular kids.