I have been pondering your situation....and my initial responce.
What would I have done if I had been in your shoes. God was kind to me. He only opened my eyes after my idol of my heart attachment to my Church had been smashed. God knew I would not give it up so He smashed it and dragged me out.
You on the other hand are in a completely different situation. I wonder what would anyone do in your shoes! What an awkward and challenging circumstance to have to face!
My initial responce was one of for warned is for armed. John 15 : 18,19 " If the world hates you, know that it hated Me before it hated you. 19 If you belonged to the world, the world would treat you with affection and would love you as its own. But because you are not of the world, nolonger one with it, but I have chosen, selected you out of the world, the world hates, detests you."
The following may further add some light copied from one of Ray's e-mail responces.
Dearest Ray
You are a "ray" of light! Please would you tell me what Jesus could have meant in John 17:9 where He excluded the world in His prayer. Who did he mean to be excluded?
Thank you & bless you
Deborah
Dear Deborah:
Good question.
The "world" represents two entities in Scripture: [1] The Church, Judaism, the Whore, Mystery Babylon the Great, and [2] The social system of the the nations in general.
Jesus referred to both in John's Gospel account:
"...but be of good cheer; I have overcome the WORLD" (John 16:33). What "world?" Did He overcome China? Japan? Indolnesia? No, Jesus overcame the world of Judaism--"He came unto His own [the Jews] but they received Him NOT," and hence He had to overcome them all the days of his earthly ministry.
But in John 17:24 rea read, "...for You loved Me before the foundation of the WORLD" is speaking of the whole "kosmos"--the whole system of world governemtns.
Jesus prayed for NEITHER of these two "worlds," as their destiny is solidly fixed by God's divine providence, and therefore prayer would be of no value. Jesus does not pray that His Father's Prophecies should NOT come to pass, and neither do God's Elect pray such nonsense as is parroted daily over the air waves "pray for world peace." Nonsense. There will be no world peace--God has already decreed it.
God be with you,
Ray
Unquote....
If I seemed unsympathetic or judgemental please forgive me. I see what a painful predicament you are in.
God be with you and bless you in all your needs.
Arcturus