> General Discussions

Spilt milk-don't cry

<< < (4/5) > >>

brothertoall:
Paula please forgive me for being so selfish and going on about me. That was not right! I want you to know that I pray that you will have the peace of our Father and He will give you understanding.

love to you dear sister,

bobby

PKnowler:

--- Quote from: brothertoall on November 15, 2006, 05:31:52 PM ---Paula please forgive me for being so selfish and going on about me. That was not right! I want you to know that I pray that you will have the peace of our Father and He will give you understanding.

love to you dear sister,

bobby

--- End quote ---

Bobby,

   Ha ha You are funny. With all due respect Dear sweet Brother- You have not been selfish. It is me that has been selfish. It appears that "I" have stolen the thread. I was kind of feeling convicted about it. But you know everyone's response to my post is greatly appreciated! Thank you all! It is nice to know that I am not alone in my beliefs. Praise God!

Blessings, Paula

brothertoall:
Paula thank you my friend and I think that is why Jayle started this thread so that we can all share with each other and I am just loving every word of it.I am sure Jayle is enjoying very much also.

bobby

MG:
Paula,

My son is an alcoholic and his alcoholism progressed to the point that he was walking in a blackout from morning until he went to bed. One time a few years ago he also became addicted to crack and called me suicidal on the streets. I went and got him and took him to a 60 day rehab. He came back home and stayed with me for 3 months and stayed sober. Then one night he drank and became violent. He stabbed a knife in the fence right next to me and broke every light on the outside of my house. I had to lock him out. He then tried breaking my windows and I had to call the police. I tried very hard that night to get him arrested, but they wouldn't do it.

It started raining and was freezing outside. He kept ringing the doorbell every 30 minutes trying to get me to let him in. I logically thought that I can't help him and it would not do us any good if I died with him. I turned my heater off because I couldn't stand that he was freezing and I was warm. I sat in the dark in the kitchen and listen to the doorbell ring all night. The emotional pain was so bad for me that at one point I felt something inside me die and shut down. At that point I saw the Father for the first time. I had been following Jesus, but never had a relationship with our Father. The Father revealed to me his heart that night. He showed me a little of it through my experience with my pain over my son. He showed me that he loves us so much that he gave his son so we all can be saved.

I didn't know if my son would live through the night, but he did. He knocked on the door that morning and I handed him out a sandwich and a hot cup of coffee and sent him on his way homeless. He was broken and I was broken. I knew my boundaries and knew that enabling him would just as easily cause his death as sending him out in the world. Having him take responsibility and live his own consequences that God gives him was and still is what God wants me to do. God's purpose will be fulfilled in life and in death. There is no changing God's will. 

My son threatens suicide a lot. His last attempt was a couple of months ago. I helped him again outside my home. I sent him to the hospital and did not let him in after he was released. I know that I did not cause his alcoholism. I can't cure it and I can't control him or his drinking. I've learned that I can't keep him alive. I've learned that I don't have the power over his life and death. God's will for his life will prevail no matter what I do.

I work with mothers every day who have lost their children to addiction Paula. You are not alone. They also kept their boundaries in place when their children died. It really is the best chance their children had to find recovery from their addiction. You will wake up with your son one day and God will restore all to you. We do not grieve like those who have no hope. My husband took his own life many years ago so I know some of the pain you are facing. Trust in God and he will see you through this. Guilt was the last thing I learned to let go of. Guilt is useless and changes nothing. You can't change the past so guilt has no purpose. I had to think of other things when I found myself obsessing on guilt. I found that I obsessed because I was trying to fix it. Then I realized it couldn't be fixed. I had to let it go.

May God continue to bless you Paula.

Hugs,
MG

JJ:
Thanks to all that have shared-Bob, Scribbles, Gary, CIY, MG and Paula.
  In my mind, nobody was being selfish.  All were sharing from the heart and it helped me.
Can't talk now or explain, but God used your experiences to show me things concerning my own experiences.

My heart aches for Paula and MG - my son is alcoholic, but functioning.   Can't bear the thought of the pain you two have
and will have to endure.    too close to home for me...... can't  speak now........ thanks for sharing and may God comfort
your hearts and continue to grow you in faith.
love to you all,
jayle

Navigation

[0] Message Index

[#] Next page

[*] Previous page