39 steps to wisdom

[all4love]

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

2. Don't worry about what people think, they don't do it very often.

3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian anymore than standing in a garage makes you a car.

4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.

6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.

8. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.

9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.

10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

12. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.

13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.

14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.

15. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

16. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

19. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.

20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

22. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

23. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.

24. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.

25. It ain't the jeans that make your butt look fat...

26. If you had to identify, in 1 word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, & never will achieve its full potential, that word would be "meetings."

27. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

28. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

29. You should not confuse your career with your life.

30. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

31. Never lick a steak knife.

32. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

33. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.

34. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

35. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.

36. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.

37. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)

38. Your friends love you anyway.

39. Thought for the day: Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark, but a large group of professionals built the Titanic.

[Kat]

Hi all4love,

I'm in total agreement with this wisdom 
It's nice to take a break, and have a chuckle.
Thanks for the humor or real life, whatever 

mercy, peace, and love
Kat

[mongoose]

     

#3 made me laugh...

"Going to church doesn't make you a Christian anymore than standing in a garage makes you a car."

That's just a great mental image.

THANKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[gmik]

I love it!!! Where do these people dream this kind of stuff up???  Thanks

[buddyjc]

#19 is soooo true.

Brian

[hillsbororiver]

The best humor has the ring of truth to it.

Thanks All4love, got some good laughs 

Joe

[Patrick]

# 27 is a real eye opener, my hobby became a mental illness; # 29 described me just a few years ago, my career was my life.

[all4love]

The majority of these fit me very well, at least I should say did in one way or the other at some point in my life.  I'm very glad that it put a smile on everyones face.  I'm the type of person (and from what my mom told me, always was) that likes to make people smile and laugh.  What's really neat is that I am seeing this in my son as well now.


Love ya all,
Amy

[gmik]

Just ran out of ink as I was trying to print this.  I am replying so it stays on page 1 or I will forget where it was

gena

(rereading and they are still a hoot!)