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[mongoose]

I'm not sure if this is the proper section to post this in (didn't know about this or General Discussions)....if this isn't it, I ask for forgiveness for my ignorance.  I haven't been posting much lately partially because things are hectic but mostly because I have been thinking and praying a lot about some things that have been bothering me.  I find that I need to retreat to be alone with Him.  But, I thought of some things last night that I wanted to share with you all so here goes.

I've been hurting about some things and wondering
1) why God seems to let some people be content with worldly ways and means (at least on the surface).....and then keeps some away from that so hard that it is impossible to feel even a moments contentment from those things that others seem to seek so thoroughly and constantly.
2) why some people have to go through so much in this life while others seem to skate by.  And I know that we are chastened and purified as God sees fit according to His perfect plan so that we will be perfected in His time.  It's not that, only more of seeking to understand.  Ok, this isn't coming across right.....I don't even know how to explain it, it's not questioning God's will or plan...curiosity and a need to understand things.

Anyway, I was really upset last night about some situations and hurts and was asking Him why it had to be this way.  I know a lot of people say not to question God but I do and, well, it's how I feel and the questions I have and since He knows my thoughts anyway, I just go ahead and ask (perhaps that is bad....but it's the only way I know how to be).

So, He answered me and that's what I wanted to share.  I wonder from time to time why He has never let me go, no matter how hard I've tried and begged Him to or cursed and hated Him even at times.  He has let me run from Him but always, always He tracks me down and lets me know there is no place to hide, no where I can go to get away.

His answer was that He would never let me go because I am His, bought and paid for and created by His hands for His will and pleasure.  I think He sometimes keeps me feeling isolated and alone to teach me more and more to depend only on Him.  He lets me run and try to hide and leave Him, and then breaks my heart and chastens me until I turn back to Him.  I find it hard to convey in words the possessiveness and ownership of the concept (but I hope you understand ).  I cannot get away from Him because HE WILL NOT LET ME GO.  He made that very clear as I was praying last night in a very very firm way.  It's amazing to me that I find this type of jealous, possessive love from Him so comforting, when if it were coming from a person it would be frightening and pathological.  But, somehow from Him it is so different. 

I think I am understanding these scriptures more and more:

You shall not make for yourself an idol in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below. You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God.  Exodus 20: 4-5

Be careful not to forget the covenant of the LORD your God that he made with you; do not make for yourselves an idol in the form of anything the LORD your God has forbidden. For the LORD your God is a consuming fire, a jealous God.  Deuteronomy 4:23-24

Place me like a seal over your heart,
       like a seal on your arm;
       for love is as strong as death,
       its jealousy unyielding as the grave.
       It burns like blazing fire,
       like a mighty flame.  Song of Solomon 8:6

I have tried to leave so many times but He has been making it more and more clear that He will pursue me to the ends of the earth and beyond, that there is no place where I can go that He will not be waiting to pounce.  The Lion of Judah who will tear anything away from us that separates us from Him....and yet the gentle shepherd, who will seek His lost and heal our wounds and restore us to God.  I wonder sometimes when I will ever learn, but I am more and more convinced and He will never let me go and that this will repeat until I am totally and completely His and His alone.  Every time I think I love Him as much as I can, He makes me love Him even more.

It also amazes me how much God teaches directly to my heart sometimes.  I have a habit of seeking answers by looking to other people's thoughts and writings.  And I think I learn a lot that way.  But I forget sometimes that those are just tools in His hands and that while He does use those ways to teach a lot, He is not limited to them and often teaches directly to our hearts and minds.  I am constantly reminded of these verses:

As for you, the anointing you received from him remains in you, and you do not need anyone to teach you. But as his anointing teaches you about all things and as that anointing is real, not counterfeit—just as it has taught you, remain in him.  And now, dear children, continue in him, so that when he appears we may be confident and unashamed before him at his coming.  1 John 2:27-28

But God found fault with the people and said:
   "The time is coming, declares the Lord,
      when I will make a new covenant
   with the house of Israel
      and with the house of Judah.
 It will not be like the covenant
      I made with their forefathers
   when I took them by the hand
      to lead them out of Egypt,
   because they did not remain faithful to my covenant,
      and I turned away from them, declares the Lord.
 This is the covenant I will make with the house of Israel
      after that time, declares the Lord.
  I will put my laws in their minds
      and write them on their hearts.
   I will be their God,
      and they will be my people.
 No longer will a man teach his neighbor,
      or a man his brother, saying, 'Know the Lord,'
   because they will all know me,
      from the least of them to the greatest.
 For I will forgive their wickedness
      and will remember their sins no more." 
Hebrews 8: 8-12

Then I said, 'Here I am—it is written about me in the scroll—
      I have come to do your will, O God.' " First he said, "Sacrifices and offerings, burnt offerings and sin offerings you did not desire, nor were you pleased with them" (although the law required them to be made). Then he said, "Here I am, I have come to do your will." He sets aside the first to establish the second. And by that will, we have been made holy through the sacrifice of the body of Jesus Christ once for all.
 Day after day every priest stands and performs his religious duties; again and again he offers the same sacrifices, which can never take away sins. But when this priest had offered for all time one sacrifice for sins, he sat down at the right hand of God. Since that time he waits for his enemies to be made his footstool, because by one sacrifice he has made perfect forever those who are being made holy.
 The Holy Spirit also testifies to us about this. First he says:
 "This is the covenant I will make with them
      after that time, says the Lord.
   I will put my laws in their hearts,
      and I will write them on their minds." Then he adds:
   "Their sins and lawless acts
      I will remember no more." And where these have been forgiven, there is no longer any sacrifice for sin. Therefore, brothers, since we have confidence to enter the Most Holy Place by the blood of Jesus, by a new and living way opened for us through the curtain, that is, his body, and since we have a great priest over the house of God, let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds.   Hebrews 10: 7-24

The image of someone "writing" on the hearts and minds that I have is of someone literally carving the words into the flesh....truly painful...and I know it's not literally carved in....but doesn't it feel that way.  The learning is sometimes as painful as having the words carved into your flesh.  And yet, it is so permanent and lasting and unescapable.  Our God truly is an amazing, awesome, jealous, loving, God.

Peace and love to you all in Christ,

mongoose

[hillsbororiver]

Hello Mongoose,

This post would fit in either area, it is beautiful.

I can relate to what you have shared, once He calls there is no running away or hiding, in weaker moments I too have just wanted to go back to day to day living as I did for most of my life and be "just like everyone else."

The feeling of isolation, being seperated from most people can be overwhelming and stressfull (especially early in our walk) as we are still living here in this flesh. Remember even our Lord had these moments of lonliness even despair but He never stopped seeking and doing the will of His Father.

What a humble, heartfelt post, I am sure many here can empathize with you Sister.

His Love and Peace to you,

Joe   

[brothertoall]

Mongoose,

 I can certainly understand and relate to everything you posted and it was wonderful. It is so comforting to know that there are others who have the very same feelings and thoughts that I do.

 It is so very painful at times and I guess we should sorta kinda look at it this way. It would be like having surgery done. It is very painful but when the healing is done it is fixed and made whole.Good as new.

Thank you dear sister and friend for posting that,

bobby

[eggi]

I ditto what was said by hillsbororiver and brothertoall.
In these times when isolation and loneliness become so obvious, these verses come in my mind:

I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you. (Joh 14:18 KJV)

Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid. (Joh 14:27 KJV)

It is indeed a different peace...

[mongoose]

I thought these verses from Hosea 2 fit with what else was being said here. The blue writing is mine.  I think these verses especially relate to those who are being called.  Those who are not yet being called it seems can live by worldy values and yet, there are those of us who cannot.

She (Israel) will chase after her lovers (idols of the heart) but not catch them; she will look for them but not find them. Then she will say, 'I will go back to my husband (God) as at first, for then I was better off than now.'

She has not acknowledged that I was the one who gave her the grain, the new wine and oil, who lavished on her the silver and gold— which they used for Baal.

I think this can apply to each one of us likely at some point, especially when we have "fallen away and left our first love".  Everything we have and are is a gift of God...how often do I forget to be grateful for that which He has given me?  Why does it sometimes seem like it would be easier to chase after false idols than to humbly and obediently follow the one True God?

"Therefore I will take away my grain when it ripens, and my new wine when it is ready.  I will take back my wool and my linen, intended to cover her nakedness.
So now I will expose her lewdness before the eyes of her lovers (idols of the heart); no one will take her out of my hands.
I will stop all her celebrations: her yearly festivals, her New Moons, her Sabbath days—all her appointed feasts.
I will ruin her vines and her fig trees, which she said were her pay from her lovers (idols or false gods); I will make them a thicket, and wild animals will devour them.
I will punish her for the days she burned incense to the Baals; she decked herself with rings and jewelry, and went after her lovers, but me she forgot," declares the LORD.

This reminds me so much of those times when I have tried to leave or follow someone or something else as my priority.  Always it seems, that it gets hard.  No one can take His called or chosen out of His hands.  No one can remove any one of His children from Him or stop them from being called and chosen at each person's appointed time.  Even when outwardly things are going well, there is just this empty hole that cannot be filled. Somehow, everything is dull and life feels more like drugery and despair than joy and color and celebration.  The things the world says will bring us happiness, taste and look like sawdust and cardboard.  Nothing seems real or valuable.

"Therefore I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her.
There I will give her back her vineyards, and will make the Valley of Achor a door of hope. There she will sing as in the days of her youth, as in the day she came up out of Egypt.

It always seems when things get unbearable in a chastening, then sometime then or close after, God restores some of the celebration and joy in life.  Things come back into focus almost, a little bit at a time.  Always I have learned something and I sit stunned and amazed in awe at the beauty, power and love of our Lord and Master.  Each time, I think I love Him a bit more, long more for the time when God will have fulfilled His perfect plan and will be All in All.

"In that day," declares the LORD, "you will call me 'my husband'; you will no longer call me 'my master.'
I will remove the names of the Baals from her lips; no longer will their names be invoked.
In that day I will make a covenant for them with the beasts of the field and the birds of the air and the creatures that move along the ground. Bow and sword and battle I will abolish from the land, so that all may lie down in safety.

I will betroth you to me forever; I will betroth you in righteousness and justice, in love and compassion.
I will betroth you in faithfulness, and you will acknowledge the LORD.

"In that day I will respond," declares the LORD— "I will respond to the skies, and they will respond to the earth; and the earth will respond to the grain, the new wine and oil, and they will respond to Jezreel.
I will plant her for myself in the land; I will show my love to the one I called 'Not my loved one.'  I will say to those called 'Not my people,' 'You are my people'; and they will say, 'You are my God.' "

All that He has ever done or taught me and all that I have gone through, it all leads back to Him.  I wonder sometimes what this is that we do, following our Lord....is it a religion, an ethical or moral code, a way of life, rules for right living, or one of the other hundred tired cliches that people use.  I can find nothing in any of those words that describes this peculariar strange path that we are on.  Strangers in a strange land, called to be not just different, but pilgrims and wayfarers seeking our true home in His Kingdom.  More and more, I think of Christianity (restricted to the simple meaning of following Christ) as a love affair between each individual, beloved, called believer and our Creator, Lord and Master.  I can't follow Him out of fear or for my salvation or by my will.  And I didn't want to follow Him at all....where He leads seems to often be a frightening and difficult path.  But, His love and faithfulness and promises are so compelling and more and more I simply love Him. 

Does this blow anyone else's mind (I'm sure it must!)?  I can't help coming back to this thought: above all, we are called to have a personal love relationship with our Creator and Lord.  Amazing....

Love to all in Christ,

mongoose

[dogcombat]

I think I can sum up the gist of where you going mongoose.  The more we seek to run FROM Him, the more we will run INTO Him.  He won't leave or forsake us, however these bodies of corruption that we live in can make it seem so.  No wonder Christ spoke of "enduring to the end" and "to him that overcomes".  Because we're all works in the hands of the Potter, and He ain't finished yet. 

Ches

[Robin]

Thank you mongoose.

I really needed to hear these words.

[Deborah-Leigh]

Isaiah 54 : 6-8  For the Lord has called you like a woman forsaken, grieved in spirit, and heartsore - even a wife, wooed and won in youth, when she is later refused and scorned, says your God. 7. For a brief moment I forsook you, but with great compassion and mercy I will gather you to Me again.  8. In a little burst of wrath I hid My face from you for a moment, but with age-enduring love and kindness I will have compassion and mercy on you, says the Lord your Redeemer.

[Patrick]

I think I can sum up the gist of where you going mongoose.  The more we seek to run FROM Him, the more we will run INTO Him.   He won't leave or forsake us, however these bodies of corruption that we live in can make it seem so.  No wonder Christ spoke of "enduring to the end" and "to him that overcomes".  Because we're all works in the hands of the Potter, and He ain't finished yet. 

Ches

That gets my quote of the day nomination.  
It used to make me crazy as a kid, I would do something I was not supposed to do and my dad would know about it before I got home. Little did I know that my Father knew about it before I did it.  

[Blondie]

Ditto from me on all replies.  I too have tried so hard to run at various times.  It seems like I have had so much yet my husband just skates through life like a walk in the park.  Sometimes that verse -that God will never let me go til He finishes His work in me - is all that I have hung on to.  Blondie