I've failed...

[hebrewroots98]

Dear Friends and Family of HaShem!

I am struggling to deal with the following problem:  Twentysix years ago (when I was in the 'institutional church'),  when I began my spiritual walk as a babe in
Christ, I felt that it was MY RESPONSIBLITY to SAVE MY FAMILY MEMBERS (FROM GOING TO 'HELL'), thus, I was RELENTLESS in not letting up on them;  THEY were my MISSION FIELD in life since I loved them so much!  In that time and in that process, I offended, disrespected, and flat out ignored any kind requests to leave them alone with 'my preaching'.  It has come to the point that  'I' have now made myself as an OUTCAST in my own family (of which there are inlaws and extended family members -alot of family members whom all think of me as an fanatic whom will never stop talking about God and never stop preaching at them.   Some have written me off completely, others have ignored any of my attempts to communicate with them; others just tolerate me.   

It hasn't been until I had found BT by Ray (a year ago) that I finally stopped living as though I were their Holy Spirit by trying to convict and convince them of their erring spiritual truths.  I now have come to the point of where I live my life as to "live and let live" so to speak.  Having gone (way back then) through seminary and being an apprentice missionary made it difficult for me to not 'evangelize' and use that gift of evangelism that I had been given.  (In this case it turned into a curse for them instead of a blessing.)

The irony is that now that I have changed and God has convicted me of HIS truths for once, I have lost all respect from them to be able to teach them (via my daily example) of all of these news truths.  (To some of them this is just 'some new fad of info that I have learned' and that I want to  share with them.)  I have prayed for Gods' wisdom in how to get back into their lives, but I'm not sure at this point how to go about it.  I deal with some of them on a regular basis and they are getting the idea that this change is finally for real, but the others won't return any of my attempts to communicate w/ them and they are the one's that I am fearful that I have offended them beyond repair.

What is worse is that all of this Chaos and sacrificing has negatively affected my relationship with my dear husband and my beautiful 8 yr old child.  Our relationship have suffered due to my  not taking advice from my husband about just 'forgetting' my noncaring family members and my inability to know how to deal with them over all of these years.  I am not one to just 'forget' ones' whom have done me wrong.  My husband sees that all they care about is themselves and that they don't care for us as they think they do (and they especially have hurt our child emotionally.)

My question is this; should I attempt to appologize of the past indescretions or would they think that this is just another attempt to preach at them.  This is a fine line that I don't want to cross for fear of loosing them FOREVER.  I feel that GOD did not put me in this family just to loose them in the end. Is there anyway to get them back into my life? 

(A miricle happened in the same month this year with 4 males in my immediate family recently; they all broke the generational curse of  severe drug and alcohol addiction and they are free from that bondage finally.) Baruch HaShem (praise God)!
One last thing.    I have also spent the last 26 yrs working with my extremely drug addicted family members and have always sacrificed and been there for them when they needed me to help them to get out of that horrible lifestyle (while not codepending with them;) however, this last summer I really blew it.  I had 2 of my brothers living with us (both were DETOXING at my house- after 26 yrs on crack/meth/ice-you name it) and while being stressed to the max w/ them being here, I snapped (after seeing no change in 26 yrs) and let them both 'have it'.   I wasn't pretty and I am very ashamed of letting my flesh go like that and kicking them both out (again).  One of the two brothers refuses to talk to me now and he has no intention of changing his mind!  Do I attempt to apologize to him?  How do I reach him?  I tried to appologize but he won't receive my calls.

I'm sorry, I didn't expect this to be so long!  Thank you all for your patience!  I look forward to hearing some 'truth' from you all!
blessings,
 

[Patrick]

Susan, you can attempt to apologise; they may or may not accept it. Don't let this become more of an idol of the heart. As hard as it may be, just let it go and continue to concentrate on Jesus, your husband, and your children. God will take care of the rest of your family in His time frame. I suggest re-reading Ray's "Twelve Truths", "Winning souls for Jesus", "The kiss of death", and "Praying by Gods rules." 
My moto is keep my mouth shut UNLESS they ask. And that is very hard for me. I kinda let my flesh get the best of me in the coffee shop the other day when someone stated December 25 was the Birthday of Jesus the Christ. I asked them to show me the Scripture that states that and I was told there is no Scripture proving that but that does not mean it's not His birthday. I then stated that there is Scripture proving that our Lord was not born in Dec, but they did not want to hear that and the conversation was about to turn ugly, so I zipped it up.
I hope this helps; I'm sure others will have Scripture to give you.   

[rrammfcitktturjsp]

Susan,

  Thanks for notifying me by phone that this post was up.  I finally got my son's jumparoo and peek a dome put together.  He is asleep and does not know they are in the living room.  I can hardly wait until he gets up.


  I may modify my post a lot so check it out in the few days.

  It is a fine line that you are being asked to walk here.  Yes by all means apologize to them.  The Scripture that says if you remember you have something to resolve with your brother, go, leave your ofering, and make things right with your brother, and then come back and worship me.  To those of you who know Scripture better than I do, I apologize for my slaghtering of it.  [NOTE:  I have a good memory of the gist of Scriptures but have no idea how to recite them verbatim as well as tell you where they are.  I would appreciate if someone could post where this Scripture is coming from].  The thing that I think is bugging you the most is the fact that you have not apologized for your actions.  Please, please by all means apologize for the things that you KNOW you have done.  If in your heart you know you did it apologize for it  Ask their forgiveness.

  I have recently have problems with my family and this is how I resolved it.  I called and asked for their forgiveness after a heartful and soulful apology.  Their were many tears and laughs exchanged, but I then ended the conversation with, Let NOT my words speak for me, but let my ACTIONS speak.  It has been a long ardous road that has taken much time, but it is so worth it.  Both circumstances they told me that they wanted me to apologize and ask for their forgiveness.  They were pleased that I wanted to base my apology off of my actions rather than words.  If you have patience and the stamina for this method, this will mean so much to them.  I find out with this method that people are all the more forgiving. 

  As for them thinking whether this is an oppourtunity for you to preach to them that is just a normal human tendency to use the past to cloud present and future times.  Yes your past record shows this, but your actions will surely show that you have changed from the person that you were in the past.  They will see this, though it may take weeks, monthes, or even years.

  God's intention for our family is that we will all eventually get together whether that be in this time or in eternity.  God's will is perfect, though our understanding of his will is imperfect.  Just pray for them and Let Go, and Let GOD.
 
  I thought it was quite funny that I was reciting several responses to your post to you on the phone before I had finished reading the post.  As several of those responses are personal, I will leave those out.  I will post and remodify this post as I am felt led to.  We will talk about this some more tonight.

  Much love and prayer for your family,


  Anne C. McGuire

 
 

[DWIGHT]

Susan,

I too have many problems with relatives that think that I am stark raving mad, gone off the deep end, won't talk with me and generally think I'm hopeless.  They thought that Jesus was of the devil too.  When I first came to BT and realized that the Lord will only let those see whom He will let see, it gave me a real rest in my spirit.  Not that I did'nt try to witness when given the opportunity, but if they did'nt listen or did'nt receive the gospel, I did'nt worry about it anymore because only the Father can bring anyone to His Son.  Re-read "Winning souls for Jesus." This is a great help to all of us.  Nevertheless, I understand how you feel and will pray that God will enable you to bear your burden for you.

Love in Christ,

Dwight

[eggi]

Here it is:

Therefore if thou bring thy gift to the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath ought against thee; Leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way; first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift. (Mat 5:23-24 KJV)

Susan, I think that you should try to explain them that at that point in your life you believed in that way, and now you see that it was wrong. Tell them that you love them, and that you are sorry for the situation you are in now. Apologize and start all over again, if they want to. If they don't, then be patient. I hope and pray that your family problems will be resolved.

[rrammfcitktturjsp]

Dwight,

  What a momentous truth, it is NOT us who bring people to God, it is Jesus and the Holy Spirit.  Wow, I wish that major evangelists would realize this.  We wonder why church attendence and other things of that nature are dying, now we know why.  I am wondering if others would rather hear that God wants them to be in a relationship with Him and he predestined them to be, rather than the fact that it is their personal choice and they are condemned if they do not choose that relationship.  That to me is perfect love and perfect trust.  I think I am going to begin a new toipic on this.  I think I must have struck some deep thinking on this one.  More on this later.


  Sincerely,



  Anne C. McGuire

[gmik]

Susan, don't forget that EVERY single thing you ever did to or for your family was God's plan-the good and the bad.So when you think about "your mistakes" be comforted that you did exactly what God wanted you to do.

Of course pray for them and live your life as Paul teaches us, but put the past behind.

Maybe your family will respond or not, but your first priority is not THEM- it is for your hubby and child. (I am sorry, that is too strong of advice-take kindly)

My family would never listen to or accept apologies from anyone about anything.  We all have been the type that don't speak for a while then when the whole family gets together we pretend nothing ever happened and just move on.  Needless to say, I don't get together with my side that much.  Never talk politics, religion or feelings!!!! Most were never Christians and don't want me to tell them anything.

Next week I will be with my own adult children and my husband's side. (I spoke about this on PKnowlers post about this same thing). They are all "Christian" but I don't plan on bringing anything up.  If they do I only hope I answer in love.

Boy, families are kind of a hassle!!  But God loves them more than we can possibly love them and we must realize that we can't help God.  He will drag them when it is their time.

After this 2nd post I realize I am a little unsettled over my family visit next week and most of this advice is to me!!

Love,
gena

[Deborah-Leigh]

Hello Gena

You wrote : most of this advice is to me!!

Yesterday I was just thinking about the posts I have been privileged to contribute on the Forum and it came to my mind that I get to read them first because I need them most! It has been a cathartic healing and often enlightening experience to search my thoughts and feelings. The words I come up with often have a way with me first rather than me having a way with them as I too am edified often by what I write! So I can relate to what you say!   

Peace to you

Arcturus

[rrammfcitktturjsp]

Gena,

  Yep totally can relate.  It is so much easier for me to see the speck in other's eyes and to overlook that huge ole beam.  It seems so cool that the things that we end up posting is advice and exhortations that we ourselves need to hear.  Ahhhhh the power of subliminal messages.

  Sincerely,


  Anne C. McGuire

[Deborah-Leigh]

Hello Susan

I too have had to make my profuse apologies to a person for my one sided off track zeal that was right out of Mystery Babylon teachings in the past. In one particular instance the person I apologised to was a very intelligent, aware and level headed person which made the apology more difficult for me. Needless to say, my explanation and how I could see now that I was out of line was received with grace!

After been introduced to the truth I saw that my previous discussions with this person were to be recanted and I said that I was embarrassed and felt corrected in my thinking as I got the next opportunity when they came for supper at our home. He laughed and the tension in my heart was set at rest immediately. I have seen first hand how false teachings can spur dissention, tensions and divisions. Little wonder. Hateful heresy can produce no good fruit!

I have another person on my list on heart I have yet to make my apologies to God willing. That person is in England!

I believe God willed in my life, these embarrassments and caused my desire to show my repentance to these particular precious people in who's life only God knows how He is leading them through their circumstances.

Peace to you

Arcturus

[brothertoall]

Hello Susan,

According to God's will for your life you have not failed. We all have made mistakes in our lives and I am sure I will make many more myself.

When I first was lead to the truths that God so lovingly and graciously revealed to me I was guilty of the very same thing but I learned from it and I do believe you have too.

Here are some verses that come to mind:

Philippians 3:12-14

12 Not as though I had already attained, either were already perfect: but I follow after, if that I may apprehend that for which also I am apprehended of Christ Jesus.

13 Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before,

14 I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.


Proverbs 16:7

  7 When a man's ways please the LORD, he maketh even his enemies to be at peace with him.

bobby(bob)

[Deborah-Leigh]

A magnificent pos Bobby

Non can do better than the word of God.

Grounding, edifying and uplifting. Thank you

Peace to you

Arcturus

[hebrewroots98]

Dear Patrick, Anne, Dwight, Erik, Gena, Arcturus, and Bob,

I just sat and typed up an extremely indepth email to you all about how all of your adomonitions and encouraging words and truths that y'all shared with me has helped me tremendously to begin to tackle this issue, but... I GOT DISTRACTED AND I GUESS I HIT A BUTTON AND MY LONG DETAILED MESSAGE WENT INTO CYBERSPACE OR SOMEWHERE B/C IT IS NOWHERE TO BE FOUND NOW!!! (Now that bothers me b/c I got very deep with you all; now I'm out of time and can't go back and rewrite all of it over again.) 

Let me just say that I took EVERY WORD to heart that each of you wrote.  Thanks from the bottom of my heart b/c you encouraged me and lifted a big burden that I couldn't have done without all of you.  I am now able to look realistically and spiritually at how to deal with my family; I must have been too emotionally attatched to help myself.   I am thankful to God for bringing you into my life; y'all were the missing element in my life that I needed and didn't know how to find....  Thank you for your truth,  understanding, and love.   I am amazed everyday as I read on the forum at how God has blessed me with like minded believers as you are.  I appreciate that you were not being judgemental or harsh with me.  I now have the truth in my heart  to finally try to make things right with 4 individuals and 4 families  in my immediate and extended family.

I will now write to my relatives and see what the outcome is.  Yes, I must start all over (after I apologise, ask for their forgiveness, and let them know that I love them.)  God is in control and His will will be done.  I will let you know as soon as I know how they recieved it.  I'm waiting for a praise report...

ps- the scriptures were perfect!
     

[Deborah-Leigh]

Hey Susan!

That has happened to me too    and it makes me realize that God is causing my circumstances ......

As I was reading your post it came to my heart after I read :AND MY LONG DETAILED MESSAGE WENT INTO CYBERSPACE OR SOMEWHERE   B/C IT IS NOWHERE TO BE FOUND NOW!!! ....that your post, did not go into cyberspace or somewhere....it went STRAIGHT TO THE HEART OF GOD.....  .. .....

We know that we can do NOTHING without HIM and you give us all to walk in good works HE has pre-ordained for us as you bless us.....and He through you and each other gives us HIS heart and love.

Also we do not have to get puffed up as we keep our eyes on Our Lord keeping His eyes on us!

Peace and love to you my sister

Arcturus 

[hebrewroots98]

Amen sister! 

I too thought of that after I had already posted it; yes, God did mean for that message to not get through for some unknown (to me) reason.

That really touched my heart when you said that the message ended up at the heart of God.  Wow; very sweet indeed!! (that one I didn't 'get'!)  you have a great spiritual insight,  thanks! 

You are half way around the world from the USA; aren't yall about 8 or so hours ahead of the USA and isn't it dark there right now?  Are you African or American and just visiting there?  I find it interesting that others are on ths site from so far away from here. 

Blessings,

Susan   

[eggi]

PRAISE GOD for how you received the words. I'm feeling so honored having contributed to you feeling better!
God be with you and your family as you go through this part of your lives.

How wonderful it must be for you to start over again knowing this:
And he is the propitiation for our sins: and not for ours only, but also for the sins of the whole world. (1Jo 2:2 KJV)

PS. You mentioned something about distance and day/night. I'm from Norway, half way around the world from the US and about half way up! 
Here nowadays it's dark most of the day, but today was the darkest day, and now it's getting brighter and brighter!

And God made two great lights; the greater light to rule the day, and the lesser light to rule the night: he made the stars also. And God set them in the firmament of the heaven to give light upon the earth, And to rule over the day and over the night, and to divide the light from the darkness: and God saw that it was good. (Gen 1:16-18 KJV)

In my part of the world we see more of the "lesser light" in the wintertime, and in the summertime more of the "greater light". These variations are amazing if you think about it. One "day", half a year, with darkness, and another "day", half a year, with light"!

[Deborah-Leigh]

Hello there Sue

Yes I am in Africa. Time now 11.18 pm. I am a late night owl! Also costs much less to be on internet after 7pm so I do not go on line in the day time.

I was born in Rhodesia. My parents were (both asleep now ) British Collonial immigrants to Africa. My Mother from Irish and Scottish decent and my Father from Russian Jewish decent. Ashkinazi (spelling!....sorry!)

.... thank you for your kind sensitive words. I see you reflectied ithrough you a compassionatly supportive spirit in the Forum especially towards those who are suffering hardships and trials.....It blesses me...to see HIM throughyou

Peace to you

Arcturus

PS Eggi is in Norway!...wonder what time it is there....won't know though...not tonight...its off line time for me now. Peace to you too Eggi....

[Deborah-Leigh]

hey Eirik!

Did not see your edit ahead of my "Post" button sent my post. We must have crossed paths in CyberSpace

Peace to you

Arcturus

[rrammfcitktturjsp]

I just wanted to respond to your guys posts.  I am sorry that I was gone, but it was a wonderful afternoon.

  Susan,

  I just was very encouraged that you took the words and they have helped you out.  This is wonderful that this online forum exists for this very purpose, to bolster one another in the Faith.  Yes this is what the CHURCH is truly meant to be.  Praise God.  Please do keep us updated.  You are in my prayers as well as my husband's.

 
  Arcturus,

  Once again you beat me to the punch saying that Susan's post went to straight to the heart of God.  I am so glad you posted this.  Wow you seem to be online as late as I am LOL.  That could be the reason that I am tired.   

 
  Eggi,

  Wow Norway.  That's somewhere I would like to visit.  I wish it would be dark down here in Texas, as we get so much sunlight.   

 
  Sincerely,



  Anne C. McGuire

 

[eggi]

 

Arcturus I saw that notice yeah, we were posting in the same time.  Think about it, those who are in United States are receiving messages from the future??? We are some hours ahead of them! 



Anne, I'd like to visit Texas, maybe we could do an exchange? 

Good night/day all!