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"Why So Hard?"

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Kat:
This has been an interesting topic Joe,
I've had to ponder this a bit.

But I think about where I am spiritually now and where I was a little over a year ago,
wow what a difference a year makes.
The last few years before I came to Bibletruths, I had began to feel like an utter failure.
I had been in one church or the other for 25 years, and devoted to being a 'Christian.'  :-\
I did not feel like I had come to a higher spiritual level than when I begun, and actually that first love had been really strong when I started, but at that point I was just hanging on.  
I was not happy with church.  My marriage was not going so good.  I had homeschooled my girls, so I didn't have a career.  Now my girls are really good, but they were teenagers and I was not feeling like I was a very good mother either.  

So I just felt like through all of those years of doing the best I could, I had not accomplished anything of any real significance.

And then I came upon Bibletruths.  
I didn't begin to see thing slowly, oh no, these profound truths were coming at a rapid pace.  
Needless to say, like so many other have talked about, I was sweep off my feet, by what I was learning.

It has been over a year and I am still very much blown away by it all.
Before, I would get angry, especially in traffic, and I would just go off.  
Now I have just become conscience of everything I think or say or do.  
I still get mad sometimes, but nothing like before, and I immediately realize when I lose control, even if it's just a little bit.  
It's like I really am aware of Christ and I know He is very much aware of everything I think or say or do.
So things are a lot different, maybe even harder in some ways, but so much better.

Well I guess that was like a little testimony  :)

mercy, peace, and love
Kat

Deborah-Leigh:
Kat

Reading your post reminded me that thoughts words and deeds are works that we will be evaluated for and for which we will give account. It is so wonderful and such a privilage to be given recognition of this fact and awareness to this reality through God's mercy and unmerited favour, by grace and through His faith a gift to us!

Peace to you

Arcturus :)

hillsbororiver:
Kat,

Thank you for the beautiful testimony, I can relate to so much of it.

I first came across Bible Truths on August 2, 2005 and the changes in my life have also been profound, first and foremost is how my temper, my anger has subsided. Sure, there are times when the angry old man resurfaces, showing his ugly face but these episodes are fewer and farther in between now and I can't even get too far into a tantrum or tirade before I feel a spiritual tap on my shoulder and an admonishment, "Joe, this is not your way anymore, be still."

The dreams, lusts, vengeance and things I used to embrace have now become "thorns in my side" and cause me anguish whenever I contemplate them, this I know without a doubt is from His Spirit, the gift of His Grace, I have nothing to do with it or nothing to be proud of, in fact it is extremely humbling.

Thank you again Kat.

His Peace and Wisdom to you,

Joe  

    

JJ:
What a wonderful post of heart sharing!   I could not explain the experience of chastening grace any better, nor the resulting
realizations and growth.   From Joe to Kat and all the others-thank you for sharing!  I often ponder on this topic of why life seems so hard for me--leaves me feeling like a loser-others SEEM to have it together, but things are not all that they seem.  I will take the hard chastening with the resulting joy and wisdom, over anything this temporal life can offer.  If life never again enters a season of
refreshment or relaxation, I'm still in this  for the long term.  I love to rest in God's soveignty even when on the outside He is
beating my backside.  I have grown comfortable and sometimes fond of humiliations and disappointments, because of the growth
that results.   If things got calm and easy,  I too would wonder if God had left me.   The world and even the christian realm would
have me commited for this mindset!

15 months have passed since God grabbed my head and heart on these awesome truths.  The chastening had already begun LONG before that and had brought me to a "face in the dirt" (worse than the "on your knees") experience, begging for God's strength to survive, THEN!  it got harder!   The difference was, that I understood why.  Just understanding why God MUST chasten me, gave me determination to hang on and at times great joy in the painful journey. 

In this last year of God's working me over, I have lost interest in the political battles, learned to love my enemy, stopped blowing
gaskets in anger and learned to take disappointments with ease (knowing God is sovereign--can't question His choices/will), stopped my bleeding heart over the horrible troubles of others (God will set all things right in the end) and in general have become a very cheerful person in the midst of difficult situations.  I still love people, even more now that God has shown me my own beast,
still care about others, but realize I am not God and can not change people or even help them when it isn't God's time yet.  God has
taken hardship that threatened to destroy a commited marriage and renewed a deep marital love that is most blessed in this
crazy world.  There are more blessings that have resulted from trials and chastening!    Deep and passionate joy!

The strangest thing for me is seeing how God has forced me into situations that are opposite of those I would have chosen and then
built character strengths in me that I was sure I could never have!   He seems to have been answering all my pleas for help,  for
cleansing and help in weakness, by giving me MUCH more than I could handle and then saving me in the nick of time with HIS
strength!   The world would say that I had it all the time--the strength, but just had to be pushed to find it.  I KNOW that is not true!
I was a wasted, worn-out, sorry piece of flesh and God has brought LIFE!    All is of GOD!  And I want all He has for me, hard as well as pleasant. 

To find Life, we must lay down our very life before the King. 

Jayle

 

Sorin:
hillsbororiver said: "This journey He has called us into is one of trial and tribulation, sometimes it can seem to be a bit too much and we even wish we could just go back to being "normal" once again. But the Lord will have none of that and keeps pulling us closer to Him through this refining fire."


Joe,

You nailed it, that's exactly how I feel. But the fact that I'm not the only one that has those feelings and thoughts is encouraging.
And you're also right about being pulled back.

So much for the Christian teaching of 'you have to come to Christ all on your own' without anything pulling/dragging you to Him. Because I have tried many times to 'go back to being "normal" again' and well, so much for my supposed 'free will' because if I do possess such a power it sure "ain't" working.

Take care,
Sorin

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