Found this I had to share

[rrammfcitktturjsp]

To All,

  Perhaps my most favorite humor are those humerous things that relate to church and stuff like that.  I read this in a magazine the other day and had to post it.

  "I was driving past a church and was disturbed to see a sign.  It sent me a clear picture of what Jesus was responsible for doing and not doing.  Observed on a real sign at a real church, Christ the King and a few lines below it, Not responsible for valuables taken from vehicles in church parking lot"

  Any more additional humor dealing with some builenteens or church signs would be more than welcomed.


  Sincerely,



  Anne C. McGuire

[SandyFla]

http://img402.imageshack.us/my.php?image=churchsign13jr.jpg

This says it all.

[rrammfcitktturjsp]

Sandy,

  Boy, ain't that the truth.

  Sincerely,



  Anne C. McGuire

[hillsbororiver]

Poor Souls...

A young lad was vising a church for the first time, checking all the announcements and posters along the walls. When he came to a group of pictures of men in uniform, he asked a nearby usher, "Who are all those men in the pictures?"

The usher replied, "Why, those are our boys who died in the service".

Dumbfounded, the youngster asked, "Was that the morning service or the evening service?"

Windows 95

Avraham (Abraham) wants to upgrade his PC to Windows 95. Yitzhak (Isaac) is incredulous.

"Pop," he says, "you can't run Windows 95 on your old, slow 386. Everyone knows that you need at least a 486 with a minimum of 16 megs of memory in order to multitask effectively with Windows 95."

But Abraham, the man of faith, gazed calmly at his son and replied, "God will provide the RAM, my son."


Dirty Water

My sister decided it was time that her three sons get baptised. So, after weeks of suitable instruction one bright Sunday morning they were on their way to church where the three boys, 8, 9, and 11, would have their sins washed away. The 9 year old was particularly pensive that day, and when Ruth Ann asked him what he was thinking about, his reply was in the form of a question.

"Mom, I want to go first."

"Why?"

"Because, I don't want to be baptised in water that has all of my brother's sins floating around in it."

They were baptised in birth order. Come to think of it, the oldest one was always my favorite nephew...

Church-Lite (I could see this actually catching on)

Has the heaviness of you old fashioned church got you weighted down? Try us! We are the New and Improved Lite Church of the Valley. Studies have shown we have 24% fewr commitments than other churches. We guarantee to trim off guilt, becuase we are Low-Cal... low Calvin, that is. We are the home of the 7.5% tithe. We promis 35 minute worship servies, with 7 minute sermons. Next Sunday's exciting text is the story of the Feeding of the 500.

We have only 6 Commandments-- Your choice!! We use just 3 gospels in our contemporary New Testament *Good Sound Bites for Modern Human Beings*. We take the offering every other week, all major credit cards accepted, of course. We are looking forward with great anticipation to our 800 year Millenium.

Yes, the New and Improved Lite Church of the Valley could be just what you are looking for. We are everything you want in a church... and less!!

The following are some of my favorites, I posted them a few months ago, they still give me a laugh;


Actual Announcements From Church Bulletins

Don't let worry kill you -- let the church help.

Thursday night -- Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

The rosebud on the alter this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.

This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.

Tuesday at 4:00 PM there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.

Wednesday, the Ladies' Liturgy Society will meet. Mrs. Jones will sing, "Put me in My Little Bed" accompanied by the pastor.

Thursday at 5:00 P.M. there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers club. All wishing to become little mothers, please see the minister in his study.

This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the alter.

The service will close with "Little Drops of Water." One of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in.

Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come forward and do so.

The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and they may be seen in the church basement Friday.

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

[rrammfcitktturjsp]

Joe,

  I really liked the one about the choir and hell in the same sentence.

  I have a funny one that really happened in life.  I used to be Catholic.  The entire choir was sick and it was a long Mass.  It seemed they blessed and baptized everyone in the church that day.  The priest just kept on rambling and rambline.  The readings were so long.  Finally at the end, the choral director asked the congretation to turn to number such and such for our closing song, Now we Thank all Our God.  And without thinking and fully miked I added that this dang Mass is over.  Only it was not dang LOL.

  I will never live this one down.

  Sincerely,



  Anne C. McGuire