To All,
As Joe as shared his journey to BT, I thought that I would take up the proverbial pen and share mine with you. As there are many things that are very personal and some names need to be protected names followed by an asterisk are changed names. This is being shared for several reasons. 1. I need to share it becuase well, it is time and the Spirit is leading me to do this, 2. Well I would like to get this in written form for my son and future children, and 3. I need to see how far I have come. So without further adiu, I will begin.
It all started on January 2, 1980 in Davao City in the Phillipines. I was born to a mother who was about 18 years old if I remember the family documents well. I had an older brother who was in the family, but I understand that after he died of starvation, I was given up for adoption. The family papers stated that my birth mother had left me several times as a newborn infant and would have nothing to do with me. To this day, I wonder if that is why I have some issues with abondonment, but I guess I will never know. At 3 monthes I only weighed about 7-8 lbs. I do remember reading the documents and them saying that all that my birth father could afford to feed me was rice water. I too would have died, had I not been adopted.
At 3 monthes I was given to a family who were overseas in the Phillipines on active duty, their names were McTavishes* or hereafter referred to MT's*. In the time that transpired they also got another little boy from the Phillipines named Adam*. At age of two, I was brought from the Phillipines over to America to, you guessed it, Lubbock Texas. Now I have to wonder looking back on this, why on earth Lubbock Texas? Well it makes sense now, but it is amazing how far one could go and how far God would go.
From Age 2 to Age 5 is what this topic will refer too.
In time I have learned that the McTavishes's were Catholics even though they did not attend any Church of Mass.
I remember the first time that I lost trust in anyone. I was about four years old and I remember being at my grandparent's house eating a picnic in the backyard. I remember that Grandmother and Adam went into the house. Well after they went in, I remember hearing Adam scream, now I loved my little brother and would often protect him, and when I heard him scream, I took off running into the house. My adoptive parents tried to stop me, but could not hold me back when I burst into my Grandma's room and there on the floor I saw her having relations with my younger brother Adam. I will never forget the look he gave me, in asking how could you let this happen to me? I remember looking to my mother and father and asking them to do something, but all they did was to hold me back. That is a sight that I will never forget and I will carry the scars with me the rest of my life. At that moment I lost trust in everyone including myself. Because of this incident, my life would be haunted and a life that would be lived in bitterness and pain. Becuase of this incident, it would nearly take my life, but then again I am getting ahead of myself.
At about 3-4 years of age, I remember one Christmas listening to the Little Drummer Boy. I remarked I liked that song, when asked what song, I am told that I went to the piano and played it error free by ear. I was immdediately started in lessons. Music had entered my world and would become my solace.
Sometime around this neighboorhood, my adoptive father started to drink real heavily. My adoptive mother began to do drugs. I remember many nights of fights happening in my parents room, and hearing ashtrays and things break and hit the wall. I also remembered hearing my mother scream and cry at my father and vice versa. In time, the abuse turned to us kids. By this time, they had 2 children of their own, Tabitha* and Janice*. Many times we would be hit, screamed at, and the most ungodly things happened to us.
I remember when I bit my younger brother Adam one time, they smeared hot sauce on my arm and told me to bite myself. I remember several times the kids crying and our parents coming into our room beating us senseless.
I remember many things, and cannot recall words, I only can recall feelings of extreme terror and fear. I do not remember love in that household.
In time, I have learned that several times from the age of 3, my parents took me to a psychiatrist several times. IN that time there was hint of sexual and physical abuse. In time, Adam and I were taken from our home and put into a hosptial or a residential place where we could be evaulatued and taken from that home. This happened at age 5. Since then, I have called the psychologist who did the evauluation and thanked him for doing this. He has wondered what has happened to me, and was glad to hear that I have made it okay and he is still in Lubbock. I am thankful that the man acted on instinct and got us out of that family. To this day, I am not sure where my first adoptive parents are, but I really do not care. Adam is still in my life today and we talk somewhat frequently when he can find the time to. We are still close.
By the time that I reached the facility that we were placed in, I was an angry, bitter, and an out of control kid.
The next post, will deal with the next 2 years of my life, as more stuff would be added that would eventually lead me to the place where I was.
I will post more as I find the time to post. I am not sure how long this will go, but if at any time you think it needs to be brought to an end, I will do so. I will apologize ahead of time, becuase I get to writing and before I know it, there's a long post. So that is why I am breaking things up.
I promise it will get better. Yet, it gets much worse before it takes a turn for the better. Yet, if I had a choice to do it all over again, I would, becuase all these things have helped me become who I am and have led me to the Truth. God knows what he is doing, and I can see his hand in all of my life.
Sincerely,
Anne C. McGuire
NOTE: Becuase of the physical and sexual abuse and that many of these names represent persons still living, names have been changed. It is not my intent to press charges, as I have finally let go of this phase of my life. I am praying for these people to come around if it is God's will, I know they will someday, and that is what makes it bearable.
ACM
Author
Topic: In Pursuit of the Truth - Part I - Introduction 0-5 years (Read 4204 times)