To All,
This should be a relatively short post.
Well I started kindergarden in 1989 or 1988, I cannot remember and I would have a headache trying to figure out dates.
One incident that stands out in my memory is when all the lockers where taken, and how a girl Ginny Andrews shared with me and made me feel welcome. I began once again to try to trust human beings.
My next 2 years would be that of growth and one of experimentation. I do not remember any memories that stand out except that I was constantly getting in trouble for not keeping my mouth shut, but I remember trying to strive to be good at this point in my life.
Life was a new challenge after the next. I did not do to good in school and I barely scraped by with C's. It would not be until the 7nth grade to where I began to excel academically.
During this period in life, I continued on with the music lessons sporatically. Now I was forced to practice for 15 minutes and I could not sit still.
During this time, I began to idolize Matthew* my older adoptive brother that my new adoptive parents already had at the time at adopting me and Adam. In the spring of 1987 we went to Lubbock for the adoption hearing that was formal. It was over, but yet the agony was far from healed in my mind.
I started kindergarden in the fall of 1987, I just remembered. The next two years passes without much incidence until in the second grade, I wanted to become more like my older brother Matthew. I learned of sarcasm and what it was. And in a few short monthes I had undone every friendship that I had formed in elementary by the use of sarcasm. I was very unhappy and began to cause trouble at my school. I would contantly get my name on the board, and if I managed not to do so, I would celebrate becuase those days came few and far between.
During this time, my hatred of the human race just intensified and my relationship with my younger brother was compromised as well becuase I took a fiendish delight at causing misery. There were so many parent-teacher conferences that were held. No matter what my new parents would do, I would always turn it around and make things worse.
Not to say the least, I can say I was beaten with a belt on countless ocassions. But this did not stop me. I knew and remember that at the time, I felt that the only thing that I could do well was cause trouble and everything. This mentality would define the next few years until the 7nth grade.
I had so many enemies and only one friend, Monica Soliz. She and I would play and play and talk with eachother. I also had another good friend Stefani Montgomery. These were my only two friends and eventually I would lose them both in the ensuing years.
I began to realize what a lie was and began to tell them proficiently. I also learned what God was and hated going to church. We went 3 times a week to a Brownfield West Tate Church of Christ. I hated going to church and wished for any day but Sunday and Wednesday.
At about this time, I began to learn of what hell was. I remember wanting to invite a friend over, and my parents constantly asking me if they went to a church, and finally I replied yes they did, they were Baptist. My parents balked at this, and I remember hearing that if I was going to associate with bad company, I too would go to hell. At this time, I remember making my declaration I was sick of God and religion, and decided to forge ahead.
At the time, the only book that I could come up with regarding the Catholic Church was one where it talked about the Inquisition. I was very mature for my age and read books that were way above my level. Enter, reading became an acceptable method of escaping the thing that I was all to painfully aware of, life. I began to read whatever I could get my hands on excepting the dang encyclopedias and the bible. When I was grounded that was all that we could read. It was boring and made me hate the Word of God, becuase I only saw it as punishment.
Every night we would hold prayers and I would wish that I could have another family one that could understand and respect me. I honestly thought at that point in time, that life was bad and that it could not get worse, but I was wrong.
After seeing that the Catholic Church was where everyone got their beliefs, becuase I understood that all roads seemed to lead back to the Catholic Church, and that they were the purest church and after reading about the INquisition and stuff like that, I could no longer stomach a God whose followers did horrible things in his name. I made the renouncment of Christianity and of God when I was only 10 years old. I began to look elsewhere.
I began to run across astrological charts and a thing called Wicca. Wicca began to entice me and I began to learn it on my own, becuase I could share this with no one, becuase all of my friends where Christains. I took great comfort in my Wicca practices becuase it, music, and reading were the only things that I could turn to.
I at this point was very far from God, but in looking back, I can see God sheltering me in His Hands.
So now we have a few dynamics, reading, Music, Wicca, hatred of everyone else, as well as my general disdain and distrust of other humans. This would only serve to intensify the next 4 years. The next post will deal with the years of 2-6th grade. As this is a phase in my life.
[NOTE: 2-6, 7-8, 9-11, 12, college, marraige, and beyond] - It is hard to think of my life in phases but they are there.
I will post the next thread tomorrow.
Sincerely,
Anne C. McGuire
[ NOTE: Bible as punishment]
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Topic: In Pusuit of the Truth - Part III - years K-2 (Read 4287 times)