I spilled spot remover on my dog. He's gone now.
I saw a bank that said "24 Hour Banking", but I don't have that much time.
I invented the cordless extension cord.
A friend of mine once sent me a post card with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space. On the back it said, "Wish you were here."
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
The sky is falling ... no, I'm tipping over backwards.
Ever notice how irons have a setting for PERMANENT press? I don't get it...
Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen.
After they make styrofoam, what do they ship it in?
All those who believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
OK, so what's the speed of dark?
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
No one is listening until you make a mistake.
Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.
The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism-to steal from many is research.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
A fool and his money are soon partying.
Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.
Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
Borrow money from pessimists-they don't expect it back.
Half the people you know are below average.
99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
Courtesy of; Stephen Wright
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Topic: Some Things to Consider........ (Read 9157 times)