To All,
This time of my life was one of great difficulty and it would only become more difficult as time passed.
During this year, I began to study Wicca under a few friends who knew it. I began to read on a fast clip and could comprehend much. I began to read everything about Wicca that I could get my hands on and hide from my Church of Christ parents. In services, I would be praying to the Goddess/Horned God while everyone was praying to God. At that young age, I learned tolerance. I thought that everyone had to relate to the divine somehow.
As the years passed, my academic progress begin to slide. Every six weeks that passed I was grounded for bad grades, and they were. I wonder to this day, how I passed these crucial grades but looking back over it, that's a miracle in and of itself.
One day, my mother was going through my room and found some astrological charts, this happened in the 6th grade I believe. She got p'd, and made me sit down with the preacher of the church and talk about it. So I did, and I decided to do something to get everyone off of my back. I lied to the preacher and told him, I belived in Jesus and would give up Wicca and wanted to be baptized. My parents were so thrilled, and I was baptized shortly thereafter. I remember the hymm being "More Love to Thee" and all I thought was More Love to Wicca and what it stood for. During my 5th and 6th grade years, I wish to focus on this.
During the 5th grade year, I remember Music Memory UIL <for you non-Texans, it is a competition between schools in your district, region, and state>. I remember participating in this and throwing my whole soul into this, and for the first time, I won at something academic, I walked away first in the district with a 100. This sealed the deal that I knew I wanted music involved in my life.
During this time, I began to worship the days and what was behind them. To know what I know now, this sickens me but this is okay, I need to look and move on. I began to get involved in the local coven <group of witches and warlocks>. Most of my friends at this age were Wiccans or people on other pagan paths. I am thankful that I have learned to pull my open mindedness from this stage in life.
During the sixth grade year, I was being such a brat as a child, one by one my freaking parents pulled my lifestring and broke them. Music was pulled as a punishment, as well as my involvement with UIL, choir, and band. I remember hating them, and I realize as I type this, I feel very wronged and hurt. At this time my older brother graduated from high school. During this period, I began to go very bad.
There was an instance in this year that I was accused for writing on something that I did not write on. I had to serve detention LOL, and I loved it, becuase it got me away from my parents. During this year, I would try to rack up detentions to get away from my parents, and during the detentions I worked hard on my BOS <book of Shadows> and Spells. I began to cast them, and began to see the dark powers of the other side.
In February of that year, I ran away from home for the first time. I remember trying to walk to Lubbock Texas in nothing but socks and a few clothes. I remember taking my hamster LOL. Well, I got to Meadow Texas and nearly froze to death. It was 30 degrees outside.
I went back home and very embittered invidual. I would pray for the death of my parents and all Christains. The more I write this, I am shuddering, but this shows me how far I have come I suppose.
[NOTE: I had asked God for evidence in my life, and I was led to write this for all of you and myself. Well I can see evidence of it. I have asked God to take this away LOL, but I continaully get My grace is sufficient for you. Ahhh acceptance is such a hard thing sometimes, and it does not need to be. But again I waver from the topic on hand.]
In the spring of that year, I was molested by one of my classmates. I told my parents this, and the idea of sending us to Wellman came up. I fought them tooth and toe-nail, but something inside me broke, I wanted a new chance. My parents said given my academic record and lack of behavior my status would be doubtful. My best friend Monica Soliz in the meantime transferred to Wellman.
I was bereft and so alone. The only things that I had at this time was music, Wicca, and reading, and the coven. I was very much an outcast, the other kids would not give me the time of day. Of course I did not want their time. I took to journaling during this year, and became very much an introspective child. Nothing gave me more satisfaction to sit and observe everyone, and when it came time to hurt another badly, I could do it and do a good job at it. I remember many times in making grown adults cry and not like me. I ruined all my friendships that I did not care for, excepting that of the coven and of myself. I was accepted into Wellman Texas on a probationary status, meaning if I screwed up one time, I was gone. This was very nerve racking to me becuase I doubted myself. This is the first time that I remember seriously doubting myself and needing to lean on others, but I refused to do so, and used my music and my Wicca instead.
Well later that spring, I found out that I and my younger brother were accepted into Wellman. If I have to send my children to school publicaly, I would be willing to drive across 4-6 districts that separate me and Wellman, becuase of that school and what transpired there.
It is with many fond memories that I remember Wellman, even though the 7th grade year was to be the most challenging year there. Wellman was a last ditch effort, becuase deep down I craved love and acceptance. I wanted to please everyone, but with such a tarnished record, I was not sure if I could.
The next installment will deal with Years 7-8 there in Wellman. It will be more slow going, as there was much to write about, and I am tearing up at the moment thinking of Wellman and sweet dear Nikki. One of these days, I will write an autobiography and use much of this as a basis of what I am starting out with. Oh man I thought these were tough, but Wellman will be harder, because in the end in 12th grade I threw it all away. Ahhh, there is much in my heart still.
Thanks so much for reading these. Stick with these, these will get better. You all know that I am here, and it will work out. I have somewhat enjoyed writing these journeys.
NOTE: Vatican City at age 10 include when 18
Sincerely,
Anne C. McGuire
Author
Topic: In Pursuit of the Truth - Part IV - Years 3-6 (Read 3778 times)