Dear Forum
i must say I am feeling a bit shy to share this...a bit exposed if you know what I mean. This is my first post in the testimony section.
Something broke deep down inside of me last night. Is it not strange that spiritual pain is so much more heightened and yet so very different to physical pain?
I could not at first understand why I had this reaction. I was simply and immediately flooded with an engulfing emotion that was set loose from deep within. Tears began to stream out. There was no hysteria or drama, just a steady steam of pain like being lanced within and the wash of emotion just flooding out from deep inside. It hurt.
I got up from the computer. It was about 10 pm and the temperature outside has started to turn chilly where I live. I made myself and my husband a cup of tea. Calmly in the surface of my being but still wounded within, I took my cup of tea, dressed warmly and went and sat on the concrete bench that faces the rose garden just beneath my kitchen windows.
The night was cold. The stars were very clear as there is no pollution where I live in a hilly valley of my surrounds. The dark shadows of the night were moving all around like a Vincent Van Gough’s painting of the night.
I had come out with one thing on my mind. I was going to talk to Jesus.
As I sat down, I began to realise that talking was useless and would only be a carnal waste of time. So often I had in the past had long conversations with Jesus and lengthy dialogues of self expression but tonight was different. Something had broken inside of me. Something very deep.
~As I settled down on the cold concrete bench, I began with…”I am not even going to talk! You KNOW. What is the point of my talking? YOU KNOW! Talking is a complete waste of time. YOU KNOW!”
I sat there with the cup of tea hot and comforting to my hands and lips as I sipped it and watched as the wind suddenly got wild and tumultuous around me whipping through the garden not in a steady pattern but in a strange hurling path that seemed to sweep parts of the garden while leaving the other part untouched and calm. This was a very strange night!
Then in my inner mind a thought arose and asked me “Can you hear my whisper?”
At first I ignored this thought because from earlier experiences with dialoguing with Christ, I had become aware that my flesh would sometimes and imperceptibly to me, take over or colour the conversation. This experience became quite infuriating because it tainted and obscured the meanings to suit me and I did not enjoy that one little bit. So as I perceived this thought arise in my mind, “Can you hear my whisper?” my first response was to ignore it flat out because of the state I was in. I was not interested in going backwards into earlier experiences that had previously been painful in my communications with Jesus.
I ignored the thought at first. Instead I watched the shadows and felt the wind get up into higher levels of intensity. I looked at this wind phenomenon and then the sound of the wind began to sound out as if a prelude to a major storm. One of the trees half bent over as the thought returned to my mind “Can you hear my whisper?”
In that moment I decided to give recognition to this question rather than move on leaving it in the dark cold night around me. I saw then that it would be a pity to leave such a thought unanswered and left only to the shadows and disregard. I returned quickly to the thought and answered “ Yes Lord YOU KNOW I hear your whisper!”
As immediately as I was articulating this reply in my mind, the recall of Peter responding to the Lord three times….You KNOW I love you….YOU KNOW, YOU KNOW was made relevant and was brought forth as important in my mind.
I thought about that influence in my thinking….YOU KNOW what I know Lord. YOU KNOW what I know.
Then in contrast and completely unexpectedly, the thought came…”Love my souls”….Now that is not what I could even think! LOVE MY SOULS! What the…!
I asked how could this be. Not all souls have the spirit of Christ in them. Some souls are rotten and others are okay….What could this mean. I directed my thoughts to the location in spirit from where this conversation was emerging and received the reply….My souls are the cradles of my Spirit. Some will be destroyed and re-built. Love them all. SEE and know….love them all!
“With what love?” I asked and after I heard the reply. I felt no surprise only a sense of flatness because of course…this answer was the one shown in the teachings by Ray. Agapeo love was the answer.
The garden wind had suddenly quietened. Very strange!.... but nothing feeling strange about it or my being in that moment. Only now in hindsight I can see the exquisite symphony of the moment I was in. All was just as it was as I was being given a very important revelation by direct experience. YOU (Christ Jesus, you )KNOW WHAT I KNOW! I don’t know what YOU (Christ Jesus Son of God) KNOW….YOU ( Son of God ) KNOW WHAT I KNOW…YOU know what Jack knows and what Jill knows and what the butcher the baker and the candle stick maker knows … and what EVERYONE knows. YOU KNOW!
Then as if a breeze came into my mind, the perception came that Jesus knows all that anyone has ever known…..and it still doesn’t equal or even hint at what Christ knows! Trying to know HIM through what everyone else knows is not the way! The way forward for me it to KNOW that HE KNOWS WHAT I KNOW at every given moment and that what I know is not ALL that HE KNOWS…. I do not know what HE KNOWS. My journey is to receive what HE KNOWS and the beginning of this path is now with what He has given to me by direct revelation. “He knows what I know” and I did not know THAT! I had never experienced this knowledge by direct revelation. I knew it by academic transfer of information but NOT by EXPERIENCE!
While I sat there in the garden, I said back in my thoughts that it is never enough these fleeting moments with HIM. It is like the song of Solomon and I feel like that poor woman running through the streets. It is simply not enough!
“It is all ONE…just like Ray says!”….came the echo of a thought as if now viewing me from a distance.
In my mind as I sat in the garden on that cold bench with the hot tea in my hand I recalled the tree of good and evil.
“It is ONE” came the thought to my mind.
Then I recalled and it became clearer that the tree of Life is also ONE tree and that this same tree of the knowledge of good and evil is not the same tree as the tree of Life. You may have seen the post I have placed in the Forum where I noticed that life eonian and The Life appeared in a study out of the Scriptures that I made in response to the thread opened by Skydreamers who expressed that her questions might be unimportant!
As I returned to my post that identified aeonian life v/s The Life, the echo thought returned saying “It is all ONE!....”
The thoughts of the spectrum of colour came to my mind. Seven colours. Seven vials, Seven Churches. Seven trumpets…..and the spectrum that passes through the prism into pure white light. The prism is the Christ…the Corner Stone through which the world has its being.
Then the thought came to me….” I am EVERYWHERE!”
As I looked at the garden, the tea mug still warm in my hands I looked around. I could feel those words come to life. He is in the air in the wind in the trees and in the sound, in the comfort of my tea mug warming my hands and here I am, IN HIM>
He pulled up the scriptures from Acts….I FELT IT….I experienced it! In me you live and move and have your being. Acts 17:28
Then I became aware that Peter after he heard Christ say to him …”feed My SHEEP”…which is NOT what HE said to me….but anyway….I became aware that Peter might not at first have understood this symbolism because Pentecost had not yet come for him.
What does it mean……”love my souls”….will only be revealed as and when I am ready and in increments degree by degree! But that is okay!
All I know for sure is this. When Jesus said to Peter…feed My Sheep…He gave Peter the command and the command giver will not give such a command to one if he knows that the command will fail. The Commander would also be seen to fail if such were the case. So at this point the words to me….”love My souls” is exactly what I am going to be rewarded with doing because this is how HE is making me…..and He will not give words like that if they are going to fail.
This is a very new revelation … Like a butterfly…………last night it happened.
….. He KNOWS….EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE….
Peace to you
Arcturus
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Topic: LAST NIGHT (Read 10469 times)