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I need a friend to talk to.

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PKnowler:
I'm feeling down and would like to talk. I think of you all as my friends- in fact my only friends since I am no longer attending church. That's part of my problem. I saw my pastor's wife the other day and it just felt awkward. She gave a passing comment and I said "hi". I haven't said anything to anyone about why I am no longer attending. It makes me feel like people look at me like I'm a backslider. I just think it would be fruitless to say anything yet I feel like I should at least say something to my pastor but I don't know what to say and I feel like anything I say would be a waste of time or worse- I would be labeled a heretic and judged.

I would like to withdraw my membership- At least then we would give some kind of answer for us not attending much. My husband is an Orthodox Christian and he wants to go to church occasionally for the worship- Although we haven't gone for the last 2 months. I feel bad that he is not going to church because of me. I am concerned for my children as well. We do Bible studies, pray and talk about our faith and God with them but I wonder if it is enough. I feel like we need to have fellowship with other Christians yet I can no longer stomach Orthodox teaching it makes me angry. 

I also have a hard time with a daily Bible reading, it feels like such a chore. I have given up trying unless I am looking something up then I enjoy it. I want to get real with God and quit the religious rituals like they are going to make me Holy. I would so much love to have a daily intimate quite time with God where I read His word and learned from Him and grew in my relationship with Him- but it has not happened. I feel so distant from God and I long for that closeness I once felt. I once had an abiding joy that permeated my being and transcended my circumstances. I don't know why I can't get it back, I try! I do love God and want to please Him with my life but I feel like a failure because I can't read the Word and be spiritual.

My husband and I have the responsibility of raising our children for the Lord and I feel guilty because I feel so cold spiritually. At least with church attendance you have a semblance and an atmosphere of holiness that can be conducive to spiritual growth.......not that I want to go to church I just feel guilty for taking them away from church when I am not Spiritually well. Sometimes they ask to go to church even though they wouldn't be attending their classes; we have them sit with us during service, we started that a couple of years ago.

I guess that's all I have to say for now. Thanks for "listening" to my ramblings and for being my friends!

I look forward to God bringing me out of this slump. Whatever that means!  :)

Bless You All!
~ Paula

Jackie Lee:
(((((Hugs)))))) I certainly understand.
Church is where most get their start, Would it be wrong if your husband and children went?
You could use that time to meditate and read scriptures.
Maybe your husband has not been completely called out yet...
I hope someone can help because I would imagine many may miss the fellowship of church.

DWIGHT:
Dear sister Paula,

I wish we could all be together right now and hug each other like Jackie Lee just said.  I feel the same way.  This is a lonely road the Lord has chosen for us.  Josh and I were talking about this the other day through a PM.  We both felt, like his thread said, the whole world was on our shoulders, but when we found out that we are not alone, we were comforted.

Sometimes I feel so lonely without the fellowship of other saints, that I want to cry.  Like you said, we are all we have now.  This is where He wants us, and if we really want to know Him and Him alone, we must bear this cross.

The only word I have for you right now is that I'm one with you and I love you and all on this forum.  Let's all pray for one another that our love for each other may grow and become stronger than we are.

In His love and mercy,

Dwight

Redbird:
Dear Paula,

I did notice you haven't been your happy self.  Thank you for sharing with us your feelings. It surely is lonely to belong to the Lord, but I can't help but think that is how it must be for now.  You all are truly my comfort too in these days.  Yes, let us pray for one another as Dwight says.

Love, Lisa

hebrewroots98:
Hey sis!
Check your PM and get my phone number...we will talk tomorrow hopefully. :D

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