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[hillsbororiver]

A friend sent me this;

 Stayed up all night thinking these up......
 
 AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES
>
>
>1. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from
>rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
>
>2. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will
>be afraid to cough.
>
>3. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting
>someone else to hold them while you chop away.
>
>4. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by simply
>using the sink.
>
>5. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a
>few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a
>timer.
>
>6. Have a bad headache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget
>about the headache.
>
>Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are:
>You only need two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and
>should, use the WD- 40.  If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.
>
>Remember:
>Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
>
>
>Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.
>
>
>If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You get another chance.
>
>And finally, be really nice to your family and friends; you never know when
>you might need them to empty your bedpan.
>

[iris]

Joe,

Those were hilarious!!! 

           

Iris

[hillsbororiver]

 

Thank you Iris, I am glad you enjoyed them!

Joe

[PKnowler]

Hey Joe,

  Those were laugh out loud funny! Thanks for sharing!

~Paula 

[skydreamers]

   

[NickyM]

1. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

I think my brother will benefit from that advice. Maybe I'll sneak into his room and put that mousetrap on the top of his alarm clock, so he wouldn't be late from school. ^^

[cherokee]

Joe,

Those were great. 

I do have a commet on #4.

The rule at our house is, I will not fuss about the toilet seat being left up if my husband does not fuss about it being left down.

Suzie

[hillsbororiver]

I am glad to hear so many of you got a laugh and that some of you have even been able to put one or two of these "remedies" into practical use! 

My daughter was over the other night for supper, I was preparing one of her favorites grilled Italian sausage w/peppers and onions. I told her we could speed up the process a bit if she would hold the onion and green pepper leaving me free to chop away without worrying about cutting myself, she gave me the look her mother made famous  , respectfully declining telling me she was "in no real hurry." 

PS Suzie, my wife and I have the same deal in regard to #4!

[Deborah-Leigh]

   Thanks Joe!  

[gmik]

   Ditto on #4