I really don't know how to put it. But especially in the past year I have been feeling strange. It is like basically everything I believed has been turned on it's head especially in the past 7 months. It has been a process but has escalated in the speed of light in less than a year. Holding to views like free will, hell, and so much more and then not believing these false doctrines anymore has left me feeling strange.
I then go to church ( the building ) not because I approve, but God has used me to reach a few people there and they are coming out of the church. Otherwise I was going to drop out and not attend. Just didn't feel like I belonged but I care about the people there. But when I go and it is like I have a new set of eyes. I see people there that are wearing masks. I see that most aren't satisfied living their lives like they are pretending that they are. It is not a feeling but more something deeper than that in my spirit.
As I have talked to a few in deep open conversation - I know that I am right.
I also sense this from the clergy there.
I ask this here to see if anyone can put a handle of what I am going through. It is like waking up the next morning and finding yourself in a different bed in another country.
So I have learned and still getting from God's hand His truths but then what. Is it just more learning. I feel free but then a little lost.
I must say that I know how you feel as well. It wasn't long after I discovered these 'mysteries' that I was really sickened by church. I told the Bishop and head Pastor that I just couldn't go along with this anymore. I also spoke with many others about this. I was told however NOT to mention these things to others in the church. This was a very hard thing to do, and I kind of justified to myself being able to talk to others about it by saying that "I would
try not tell anyone." That ended up bad.
Soon I realized that I just had to leave. The Bishop and Pastor had a "two on one" with me for about 2 hours. That was a horrible time. I just believed that it was not me speaking. I was at a time where I just didn't know what to think about anything. I still feel this way a lot. I used to minister in the jail, and now I don't. I felt as if I should just take time and seek God, and let Him show me, and give me understanding. I honestly just don't know what to think about anything so much. Leaving everything you know...for what? We always want to DO something. Ya know what I mean? It is for the truth of God, that Jesus may be known. I just couldn't bear with hearing that stuff on Wed. and Sun. anymore. It was like fingernails going down a chalk board. It still is if I listen to it. When I talk to people I go to church with about God, that turns out to be soooo uncomfortable. There is that 'church herd' mentality. It makes me cringe.
Anyway, I'm rambling, but I know where you're coming from. I guess we pray, and seek God, and Lord willing, the peace that passes ALL understanding will guard us.
It is like waking up the next morning and finding yourself in a different bed in another country.
I know what you mean here as well. Of course, I may be little different in this regard as well. I've had a problem with 'church' for a long time, even before God started to open my eyes. It was just like the light got brighter. I mean REALLY bright all at once. I was always labled 'rebellious' because I had so many questions, and problems with 'doctrine.' I just thought I was supposed to go for some reason. Always felt like on the outside looking in. Then came the time to just pack it up. THANK GOD!!!!!
You'll make it my friend!! Know this for sure!
God bless,
Jason