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[hillsbororiver]

Here are several very important but often forgotten rules of English:

•Avoid alliteration. Always.

•Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.

•Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat.)

•Employ the vernacular.

•Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.

•Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.

•It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.

•Contractions aren't necessary.

•Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.

•One should never generalize.

•Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."

•Comparisons are as bad as cliches.

•Don't be redundant. Don't more use words than necessary. It's highly superfluous.

•Be more or less specific.

•Understatement is always best.

•Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.

•One-word sentences? Eliminate.

•Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.

•The passive voice is to be avoided.

•Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.

•Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.

•Who needs rhetorical questions?

[iris]

Iris

[Beloved]

Yes Joe Grammar is important but the fundamentala can get in the way …the QWERTY key board\

Use the song  (My Bonny lies over the ocean )

My typist’s away on vacation&
My typzt’s away bg the seaz/
She lefft Me do alz thw typigg
O bRing bacck my tpyitz to me
Md Ttypiztm Is aw-py on vaaction3
 A fact gou can eaxily see
IT’ odd how thes letirs get mixed up
Oj Bring bax my typissed to me


I am such a bad typist that when writing some of my own business letters or application I used to put on the bottom

CLC/mtf  (the mtf was not my secretary’s initalials  it stood for “my two fingers”

I have to kearn to write like  GodSown 1 does some time…it that text message lingo or   “short talk”  It is Cool  and I can understand what you are saying

Sometimes I forget grammar language is living and changing all the time .....who are those guys making these rules???

Should it be How to write Welll        mtf



Beloved 

[gmik]

Joe & Beloved-  How great to read this Sunday morning!!!
I love English & languagey type stuff!!!

bough
rough
though
thought

 

[Deborah-Leigh]

..and I thought I was speaking and writing English!   

Never too old to learn! 

What about Smiles? Where do they fit?

Good one Joe!

Peace to you

Arcturus

[Bill]

Here are several very important but often forgotten rules of English:

•Avoid alliteration. Always.

•Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.

•Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat.)

•Employ the vernacular.

•Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.

•Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.

•It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.

•Contractions aren't necessary.

•Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.

•One should never generalize.

•Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."

•Comparisons are as bad as cliches.

•Don't be redundant. Don't more use words than necessary. It's highly superfluous.

•Be more or less specific.

•Understatement is always best.

•Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.

•One-word sentences? Eliminate.

•Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.

•The passive voice is to be avoided.

•Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.

•Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.

•Who needs rhetorical questions?

Joe,

That is great.  What language is that?  Anyway do you have an English version? 

Thanks

[Deborah-Leigh]

       Good one BK LOL

Peace to you

Arcturus

[GODSown1]

Beloved ,
                  WotacrkuP!, U shuld ask my pupils hw ezy my teachinz r 2 learn lol! lol!, GOD is GOOD!.
                  muchLOVE!! Pera

[hillsbororiver]

Great replies everyone, I love your Smiley Iris, very clever!

Yes, our wonderful English can be perplexing, even frustrating at times, I can only imagine how difficult it could be if it is not one's primary language or the first language learned, here are a few examples, I am sure you guys can come up with more;

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.

2) The farm was used to produce produce.

3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

4) We must polish the Polish furniture.

5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.

8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10) I did not object to the object.

11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

13) They were too close to the door to close it.

14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.

15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18) After a number of injections my jaw got number.

19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

[Deborah-Leigh]

Have copied that list to show my son!  A good experience of the absurdity of English!

Thanks Joe!

[gmik]

Awesome one for my class!!!!

[hebrewroots98]

I'm feeling 'contractions just reading this ;)D!...(lol)...

have you tried phonics lately? 
"HER FIRST NURSE WORKS EARLY"...TRY TELLING A NON ENGLISH PERSONTHAT WRITING THIS SAME  "er" SOUND IS SPELLED SO DIFFERENTLY  (..." ER/IR/UR/OR/EAR" !)

[DuluthGA]

DOUBLE HA!!



Thanks for the laughs,

Caregiver