Hi James,
As Joe pointed out you are in the fire right now.
Rev 3:19 As many as I love, I rebuke and chasten; therefore be zealous and repent.
You do know that God will not let up until He has corrected whatever He sees wrong in you.
Though I certainly do not know your situation very well, I may be seeing your wife's perspective a bit here. I have detected something that has continually come up in you posts.
.....we end up fighting because I brought up a question..... they all take sides against me, I start getting upset..... And your very last post said...... And after our fight today.
I can see that you have wanted to lead your family it the best way you can, you did say,
I'm the rules guy here..... I may be wrong, but maybe you have been an authoritarian and have became angered when they did not keep up to the standards you had set?
I've noticed that your discussions with your wife seem to lead to augmenting. If you are unable to have a conversation with your wife without becoming angry, you have not overcome what Christ is chastening you of. And your conversation with your wife, just today, proves you have not.
Maybe you can not see that you are wanting this 'your' way, is that the main problem here?
You just want your wife back, but why does she keep running away? There is a reason, and I believe it is your lack of self control over your anger?
I will venture to say that you are more concerned with getting your wife back, than you are at overcoming this anger issue. I can understand that, but if Jesus Christ's Spirit is working in you, He will keep you in the fire until He has rid you of this problem of self control. And I will quickly add, of course I do not know this to be the problem, I'm just reading into this in an attempt to help you look beyond to find the source of your problems.
If you put your focus into seeking God to help you overcome, and He is the only way you can, then it may take your attention off of the misery you are going through right now.
God will like play second fiddle to anything else in our lives.
Mat 6:33 But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness; and all these things shall be added to you.
Luke 14:26 "If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple.
This is a hard verse in Luke, but it means you can not put anything else before God. If He comes first, then the rest of your life will fall into place also.
I hope this is seen in the light that in was intended, just looking at things from a different perspective, not meant to make things harder on you. If I have misjudged you in any way, please forgive me. I'm praying for you
mercy, peace, and love
Kat