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[carol70]

Hi James,

Having been in a spiritual prison of my own, I know the pain you're feeling.  It's indescribable and at times all we can do is fall to our knees and cry out to Him for relief. 

A couple of years ago I went to a Christian bookstore.  I was going through a trial at the time and I was looking for some encouragement.  I ended up buying a few stones that each had a saying on them - Hope, Faith, and Let Go.  I haven't kept up with these stones but they have a tendency to pop up at the strangest times.   (Now, don't misunderstand me, these aren't idols or anything like that.  As I said, most of the time I don't even know where they are!)

Anyway, a couple of weeks ago I was having a day like you just described - the pain was horrendous.  I was driving down the street crying, and searching through my bag to find a tissue.  Well, wouldn't you know it, at the bottom of my bag was one of those stones.  I picked it up and read it.  It said "Let go."  Well, I promptly tossed it back in my bag because letting go was the LAST thing I wanted to hear at that moment.  I was in pain, I needed HOPE, comfort - couldn't God see that?

Well, a few days later things calmed down and I came to some realizations and decisions about things and slowly but surely, that intense pain subsided.  But I realized something else:  The pain started going away when I started letting go.  We all have a tendency to fight change.   But none of us can resist His will.  God uses these prisons to bring us to repentance and transformation.  These fiery trials are intense and they HURT, but take comfort in the fact that you are exactly where He wants you to be and that He will bring you out of this.

2Ti 3:10  But you have fully known my doctrine, manner of life, purpose, faith, long-suffering, love, patience,
2Ti 3:11  persecutions, afflictions, such as happened to me at Antioch, at Iconium, at Lystra. What persecutions I endured! But the Lord delivered me out of all.

Peace and blessings,
Carol
 

[Kat]

Hi James,

As Joe pointed out you are in the fire right now.  

Rev 3:19  As many as I love, I rebuke and chasten; therefore be zealous and repent.

You do know that God will not let up until He has corrected whatever He sees wrong in you.  
Though I certainly do not know your situation very well, I may be seeing your wife's perspective a bit here.  I have detected something that has continually come up in you posts.

.....we end up fighting because I brought up a question..... they all take sides against me, I start getting upset.....

And your very last post said...... And after our fight today.

I can see that you have wanted to lead your family it the best way you can, you did say, I'm the rules guy here.....  

I may be wrong, but maybe you have been an authoritarian and have became angered when they did not keep up to the standards you had set?  
I've noticed that your discussions with your wife seem to lead to augmenting.  If you are unable to have a conversation with your wife without becoming angry, you have not overcome what Christ is chastening you of.  And your conversation with your wife, just today, proves you have not.  
Maybe you can not see that you are wanting this 'your' way, is that the main problem here?  
You just want your wife back, but why does she keep running away?  There is a reason, and I believe it is your lack of self control over your anger?
  
I will venture to say that you are more concerned with getting your wife back, than you are at overcoming this anger issue.  I can understand that, but if Jesus Christ's Spirit is working in you, He will keep you in the fire until He has rid you of this problem of self control. And I will quickly add, of course I do not know this to be the problem, I'm just reading into this in an attempt to help you look beyond to find the source of your problems.  
If you put your focus into seeking God to help you overcome, and He is the only way you can, then it may take your attention off of the misery you are going through right now.  
God will like play second fiddle to anything else in our lives.

Mat 6:33  But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness; and all these things shall be added to you.

Luke 14:26  "If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple.

This is a hard verse in Luke, but it means you can not put anything else before God.  If He comes first, then the rest of your life will fall into place also.
I hope this is seen in the light that in was intended, just looking at things from a different perspective, not meant to make things harder on you.  If I have misjudged you in any way, please forgive me.  I'm praying for you  

mercy, peace, and love
Kat

[Shmeggly]

Kat, I do see the truth in what you have said.  The anger did not come from an authoritarian issue, but my asking a question, and my wife taking it the wrong way. (From how I treated her in the past; those pesky past issues!) 

 I get angry when I am treated unreasonably and not allowed to show emotion, which was how I was treated as a child.  Other people have noticed this within our home; it isn't just me.  When I was a kid, if I raised my voice to my parents, or showed any kind of being upset, I was yelled at, threatened, or slapped across the face.  For raising my voice.  For being upset at being treated unfairly.  That's after I was adopted at 6, after being removed from my alcoholic parents. 

Now, having said all that, I am still dealing with being angry, and I know I have healing to do from my childhood.  We both have been pretty strict in our marriage, but we have relaxed over the years.  I am not authoritarian; and I think my family would agree.  I have been angry in our marriage, and so has my wife.

My wife is hurting badly, and has had way too much to deal with over the years, and is a survivor of terrible pain.  I won't go into detail on this....but the way she is acting is hard to deal with to say the least.  Because she is all over the map....one day it's this, the next she doesn't even remember saying that.  This isn't only my observation, it's others and the counsellor said it happens in cases like hers. 

My son stayed out all night one night, and the next night pretty much the same thing.  I didn't get angry, just told him I would like him home at night.  He wasn't out doing anything wrong, just hanging out.  He came home with his ear pierced, which is no big deal to me. 

So I'm explaining this to my wife when she comes home, and she asks why I didn't order my son to stay home etc.  I explained because I have had no support from her, and am always made to feel like it's wrong to restrict him. (She also told me he was ready to move out, because of the stress, even though we do have a good relationship, so between that and the lack of support from my wife, I was afraid to do anything.) 

 So she turns to him, laughing, and joking about his earing, and in the same breath says "you're grounded"...still laughing.  He was as confused as I was....and then later she lets him go out....so...

I'm not trying to defend myself, because I have been wrong many times....but in this case it is not my fault, except to get angry. 

Hillsbororiver, you are right, I just don't know sometimes....I feel abandoned. I know stuff is being burned out of me...and healing needs to take place...

I didn't sleep more than an hour last night, so I am almost delirious....forgive my frustration and lack of faith....James

[lilitalienboi16]

This is definitely a "vicious reality" topic/thread, something we all have experienced to one degree or another.

Before discovering Bible Truths I believed that Revelation was a prophecy of future, literal events and I would blow around like a leaf in the wind when I was reading different authors as they attempted to explain and open up this book. It was pure confusion.

What a blessing when Ray opened up the Words of Revelation by describing it as a prophecy written to every believer in every generation, the trials and tribulations contained in Revelation has been fulfilled literally by some but even more importantly will be fulfilled spiritually by all either in this age or the next.

I have felt like I have been cast in a spiritual prison in the past, even the not so distant past and I will not be surprised if I am once again in that most uncomfortable place. The helpless, boxed in, no where to run feeling where our own mind can become our worst enemy.

Rev 2:10  Fear none of those things which thou shalt suffer: behold, the devil shall cast some of you into prison, that ye may be tried; and ye shall have tribulation ten days; be thou faithful unto death, and I will give thee a crown of life.

Here are a few of paragraphs from; http://bible-truths.com/lake3.html

        Now I hope that none will be offended at my next few statements, but if so, so be it. Unless God Almighty through the purging power of His FIERY SPIRIT, is BURNING OUT the lusts and passions and vanity and haughtiness and greed and self-righteousness and laziness and weakness and hypocrisy and wickedness and pride and materialism and cynicism and depravity and carnality in your life, then Jesus Christ is not choosing you to reign with Him as the Sons of God in the Kingdom of God to bring all Heaven and Earth to repentance and salvation!

Such damnable character flaws of the mind and spirit are going to be burned out of us all! God will either BURN OUT these filthy impurities from our hearts and minds NOW, or He will BURN THEM OUT IN THE LAKE OF FIRE, but either way, make no mistake about it, THESE THINGS ARE COMING OUT!!!

JOHN THE BAPTIST: John the Baptist said that Jesus would be baptizing repentant believers with fire.

"I indeed baptize you with water unto REPENTANCE: but He that comes after me is mightier than I, Whose shoes I am not worthy to bear: He shall baptize you with the Holy Spirit, AND WITH FIRE" (Matt. 3:11).

JESUS CHRIST:

"For EVERY ONE [sinner and saint] shall be salted with FIRE" (Mark 9:49).

His Peace to you,

Joe

Amen Joe!

Hello schmeggly, i've been stalking the thread reading all the posts, just wanted to say that i too, lost the girl that ment more then the world to me right beneath Christ.

Sorry my story didn't have a happy ending, but what happened to me, had to happen, because the beast i was needed to be exposed, and the things i done come to light.

However! The story HASN'T ENDED, so at this point in my life i don't have that girl, but i do have the most important thing in the entirety of the universe and the history of mankind, and that is JESUS CHRIST! Praise Him =]

I, as everyone else here, is with you, and i pray the Lords will be done, and that He give you understanding - no matter what that may be.

Love in Christ,

Alex

[gmik]

Alex, and other young ones &singles out there,

Don't be in a big rush to find a spouse!!!!!  You see in this thread and so many others, one of the biggest sources of unhappiness & pain in life, is a wrong spouse.  Wait for God to bring your soul mate.  Or he she may never come.  Who knows what Gods plan for your journey is? 

Jesus is our soul mate.  Fall in love w/ Him. (It sounds like you have Alex)

I have been married 33 years. I dumped and was dumped by the "perfect" one several times. Dont settle or be in a rush.( And there have been many times I sure wished I was single )

God knows what we all need and what it takes for us in this life.

[Kat]

Hi James,

Your problems are no doubt very complicated.  I think I was just trying to help you take the focus off of what was causing so much pain, and focus on trying to move yourself toward Christ.  In so doing I think it will help your situation all the way around.
But that is it for my trying to be a marriage councilor.
But I will continue to pray.

Mercy, peace, and love
Kat

[GODSown1]

Hey!!! my brother James,
                               Hang in der my bro, I know a day will cum wen U will b lookn back @ it all, Praising the LORD harder! & Louder den eva , I Pray 2 the FATHER d@ day cumz very very soon 4 U my brother in CHRIST, I feel ur pain ma brother. Trust in the LORD!, I know U do, its da mind d@ makes fingZ! Harder den dey really r az We know! "Nothing is Impossible for GOD!" HE is in Control!, Im sorry brother if im soundn like a broken record, Plez 4giv me if i am, Jus know I Love U brother, & I believe I speak 4 all else here in dis Forum, GODBLESS! U & I know HE is with U, Peace b wit U James.
                               muchLOVE!! Pera

[Shmeggly]

Thanks Pera.  I do appreciate what you say, because I know you've been through it too!  And I know you're right. 

Kat, same thing, I do appreciate you trying to get my focus off the problem and on God.  Realize I may not have been rational the last few days, due to stress and lack of sleep.  I may not be through the woods, but I did feel like I let go, even though things still bother me at times.  I just try to keep telling myself to let go. 

Just for the record, things are not any better, but we're on speaking terms.  My wife let a "freudian slip" out and said she was leaving for her protection....she then said that wasn't right that she said that, etc.  She said she wasn't afraid of me physically (but I know emotionally and intimately she is) but she gets very "threatened" (her words) when we talk and are getting along!  Like laughing and getting along!  I am not kidding...and I know that has all to do with her past. 

She needs some control over things and she is afraid to let me in, or she might change her mind about leaving.  She is afraid....I wish she would go talk to someone, she is suffering and doesn't know it, and certainly doesn't know why....but I do. 

Basically, God is in control.  I have no control over what she does.  I am still praying for her healing and being made whole, but I have let go. 

Thanks for your prayers....I think I need to start focusing on something else...and just go out and relax! 

[cjwood]

hi james,
i have been following your thread for awhile now and i can't recall if you have ever let us know if your wife believes in God, and believes that Jesus Christ and the Scriptures are trully from God.  if she is a believer is it possible for her to post on the forums so that we can meet her in that way and give her love and support?  i know that we have to be approved to be eligible to come to the forums, so i don't know how that would be for her.  i was just thinking maybe she could receive healing and support from us.  maybe i am wrong in this.  i don't know.  just wanted to ask.

remember His love,
claudia

[iris]

Hi James,

Focusing on something else would probably help. Maybe just to get your mind somewhere else for a while. My prayers will be with you.


Iris

[Shmeggly]

Thank you all....

My wife is a believer but very jaded against "christians"....she has looked into Buddhism etc....she is very "open" and questions everything.  So she won't be posting here, she is looking for support elsewhere.

I am at the point where I have simply let go.  I am focusing on other things, and am ready to just live my life. 

take care, and see you all on here somewhere!  James

[GODSown1]

muchLOVE!! 2 U James,
                              I Pray our FATHER BlesSes U most abundantly! ma bro, I know it is so Hard brother, But 2 telL u da Truth Im @ home but im not sure if I can call it my home, ilL just leave it 2 GOD coz I certainly cant make much sense of it, Brother I Pray u get great understanding very soon 2 Y all dis is happening, I feel 4 U my bro az I believe my situation is jus abit better , GODBlesS! James take much care, Peace be with U soonr den later.
                               muchLOVE!! Pera

[Seraphim]

Dear Shmeggly
I too am moved by what you are saying and the upheaval you are going through. I have prayed from my heart that God will give you strength. If this is the end, then it is also a new beginning. Out of chaos stars are created. If you feel totally annihilated, just let go into God and a new inner strength can arise.

I've been through hell and back myself a few times so I can empathize with what I feels like.
And those smug idiots in church? You should be feeling smug at them for they are shallow in their arrogance and you have been deepened lots. And with that greater deepening (that feels like a huge monstrous hole), a greater tornado of Holy Spirit can burst forth and lead you towards whatever 'calling' God has given you.

Be at peace with yourself and thank Jehovah for the blessings that are about to come!

Love Seraphim.

[Shmeggly]

Thanks Seraphim...I too am feeling if this is the end, then I have a new beginning.  Even though it is still hard, I just have to let go.  So either way is fine, and in some ways I want to be on my own just to say goodbye to the garbage....

Anyway, I am trying to let go without getting bitter, or forgetting God.  I have to be careful because I know I need to be submitting to Him daily, and not let myself get caught up in seeking out a relationship or anything like that.  That is the easy thing to do, but not what I'm supposed to do.  I feel that no matter what.

Life can take many twists and turns, and I've had many people outside this forum say they've been at the brink of seperation and divorce, and things turn around.  It doesn't appear that way here, but I could if healing takes place....