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Child Rearing

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Sue Creamer:
Hi all..
I would like to hear all your comments on child rearing.  I was in a church for 20+ years that taught "spanking" was not only acceptable but mandatory.  I recall the scripture that states to spare the rod is to spoil the child.  I was a single mom for 18+ years and I did not spare the rod, I did love my children very much and "spanking" was not an easy thing to do.  It was not uncommon for me to find my quiet place later and cry because I hated to inflict pain on my children in order to correct and teach them.  I have always tried to relate to our relationship with God and I know he "corrects those he loves" and sometimes it is not without pain.  My children are now grown and I now watch them struggle with my
grandchildren.  I try to give Godly advise that would help them, but I admit I don't always trust that I am giving wise answers.  I know from reading the forum that many of you have children and you probably struggle to understand at times the balance needed in dealing with these little ones.   
Many thanks!
Sue Ann

Akira329:
Hey Sue,
When I was in my younger years I used to get spankings too. I recall a few of them and they were not pleasant.
Looking back though I remember why I got each one of them. My dad never gave me a spanking when I did wrong
he gave me a spanking when the wrong required a spanking to correct. I remember my dad saying, "I do all the fighting
around here!" but that was just it!!! I got spankings for fighting and completely disobeying my parents.
When my dad said no running in the house he meant it! No fighting he meant it! I would seem from my childhood experience of spankings
is that violent behavior from me required a spanking from my dad. My dad never gave me a spanking for lying or even fighting at school.
He would talk to me about those things. So I saw him selectively choosing when to give me a good whooping!
I don't know how he felt afterwards, I don't think thats important for the child to know except that when you disobey there are
consequences.

I love him for doing that to me!!!!!
My dad instilled fear in me and shame and humiliation! I thought more than twice about the things I did.
I didn't act crazy around my parents or in public, I never hit them back because the punishment would have gotten worse.
I also learned really quick having a nephew who didn't know when to stop. I learned the benefits of obeying and the consequences of
disobeying

I don't know if I helped you but to sum it up, ask God for guidance because you can't spank a child for everything they do wrong but you can discipline for everything.

The rod of correction hurts but works

Does anybody else have similar stories or advise??
 

Sue Creamer:
I appreciate your comments...
Your father sounds much like my own.  I don't remember many hard wackes across the behind but when they happened I never forgot them. 

My daughter is a single parent now and I think my granddaughter (age 5) is a prime example of today's youth!  She is a handfull....AND the thing I don't understand is my daughter does correct her, not just with spankings but in many other ways.   

I believe anything my daughter did hold against me for the "spankings" she received in youth has made her rethink her past conviction that I was to hard on her.   I have come to believe that rearing children is more for the parent's growth.  My kids have taught me so much.. and WOW!  what lessons they can teach us as adults.   

carol70:
Hi Sue,

My father was a scary man growing up, lol.  He believed in spankings and me and my brother got them on a few occasions but it was the mental "correction" (some may call it abuse) that kept me in fear of him.  So now, in trying to discipline and correct my two year-old son, I'm much more concerned with how he responds to me emotionally.  I don't want him to fear me like I feared my dad.  I want him to understand when his actions are inappropriate and to respond accordingly.  I don't want him to do right because "mom makes me feel like less than a human when I do wrong" - you know?

Anyway, I'm still trying to figure it out!

Love and peace,
Carol

Sue Creamer:
Hi Carol,
I agree with you, maybe it is not so much the physical pain that will scar a child but if that pain is attached to mental abuse then it is a dark thing.

Society loves the word  "punishment" and I use to believe it should be so,  but now I wonder, does God actually punish or does he merely correct???  Guess there is a big difference.  Yet God may inflict pain with his correction...do you agree??
 

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