BamBam:
May I share my thoughts with you? I will try to help without being too verbose first. If you want more please ask.
If we can make choices, but only according to the millions of circumstances placed on us on a daily basis, and in the end, there is only one choice that we can possibly make, I have a problem. I keep making the wrong choices. ... I want to change deep down, but I have not been able to do it. Should I just give it up and be happy? Because I am at times most miserable, knowing all my faults and flaws and hating them.
Yes, all you can do is make choices. Those choices are not random and you actually cannot make any other choices.
Your "I want to change deep down inside." is a very good sign.
Your "I keep making the wrong choices." acknowledgement is a very good sign.
Your "I am at times most miserable, knowing all my faults and flaws and hating them." is a also great.
I guess what I am trying to say is, am I just supposed to accept myself how I am at the moment because there is not much I can do about it anyways?
No... You should make every effort you can to change these problems that you perceive.
Yet I don't think it would be right for me to quit trying to change, even though I just want to give up so badly!
You are correct about not quitting. You have to try. Even if you slack off right now. You will end up trying again. When you get to the true end of your trying is when you will stop. You won't be asking for
anybody's opinion about it.
You will stop because you can't go on. And that's when the change will start.If I keep trying, and failing, I will continue to be miserable.
Absolutely right... And you
will fail.
God is in control, so He'll change me when it's time for me to change.
You have been given great insight if you truly believe this statement. It is absolutely true.
Should I just let go of some of these things I am trying to change but not doing a very good job at?
Unfortunately, you are not able to.
I sure hope this makes sense.
It makes perfect sense to me.
BamBam - What you are going thru is
chastisement. It is God working on your Heart. The "Biblical" heart. Where your desires come from. Our desires of the heart are what is wrong, evil, bad, etc. about with us.
God is not teaching any of us to control our desires. He is changing our desires thru His work. All of what is wrong, evil, bad, sinful, etc with us comes from the desires of our hearts. And cleaning them up... Well, that is a very difficult thing to do. The truth is... Only God is able to do this work. The analogy that He uses in the Scriptures is of a silversmith. God is burning out the contaminants in you. When they are gone, like the silversmith, He (and everyone else) will see His face reflected in you.
You are feeling God's work. His work will take your entire life.
To quote you... "I sure hope this makes sense." If not, don't give up. Keep asking. But don't just ask us. Ask God in true prayer.
\/\/ard