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Author Topic: Disorder in American Courts ~~  (Read 5588 times)

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Sue Creamer

  • Guest
Disorder in American Courts ~~
« on: August 03, 2007, 04:04:04 PM »

Forgive me if I am repeating a previous post...I think this is so funny!


These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.


ATTORNEY:  What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS:      Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY:   This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS:        Yes.
ATTORNEY:   And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS:       I forget.
ATTORNEY:   You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY:  What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS:    He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY:  And why did that upset you?
WITNESS:    My name is Susan!
______________________________________
ATTORNEY:   Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS:     We both do.
ATTORNEY:  Voodoo?
WITNESS:     We do.
ATTORNEY:  You do?
WITNESS:     Yes, voodoo.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY:  Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS:    Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________
ATTORNEY:  The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS:      Uh, he's twenty-one.
________________________________________
ATTORNEY:  Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS:     Are you  @&%*  me?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY:    She had three children, right?
WITNESS:      Yes.
ATTORNEY:    How many were boys?
WITNESS:      None.
ATTORNEY:    Were there any girls?
WITNESS:     Are you  (bad word)  me? Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY:   How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS:     By death.
ATTORNEY:   And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS:  Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY:  Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS:     He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY:  Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS:  Guess.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY:   Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS:     No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY:   Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS:      All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to rephrase that?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY:   ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS:      Oral.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY:  Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS:      The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY:  And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS:      No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY:   Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS:  Huh....are you qualified to ask that question?
______________________________________
And the best for last:
______________________________________
ATTORNEY:   Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS:      No.
ATTORNEY:   Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS:      No.
ATTORNEY:   Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS:      No.
ATTORNEY:  So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began  the autopsy?
WITNESS:      No.
ATTORNEY:   How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS:      Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY:  I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS:      Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.  





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LittleBear

  • Guest
Re: Disorder in American Courts ~~
« Reply #1 on: August 03, 2007, 04:52:50 PM »

Sue Ann,

These are absolutely Hilarious!

Ursula
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Sorin

  • Guest
Re: Disorder in American Courts ~~
« Reply #2 on: August 03, 2007, 11:47:29 PM »

LOL!!!!

Brilliant!
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pylady

  • Guest
Re: Disorder in American Courts ~~
« Reply #3 on: August 04, 2007, 12:43:10 AM »

Sue Ann,

Help, I can't stop laughing!  :D :D :D
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iris

  • Guest
Re: Disorder in American Courts ~~
« Reply #4 on: August 04, 2007, 02:24:28 PM »

Those are funny!!!

 ;D  ;D  ;D


Iris
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gmik

  • Guest
Re: Disorder in American Courts ~~
« Reply #5 on: August 04, 2007, 10:20:09 PM »

 ;D ;D ;D ;D

Too funny and too true!!!!!
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Bamabee

  • Guest
Re: Disorder in American Courts ~~
« Reply #6 on: August 05, 2007, 09:21:28 PM »

That book must have been where Ray got the ones he read at conference.
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gmik

  • Guest
Re: Disorder in American Courts ~~
« Reply #7 on: August 06, 2007, 12:18:44 AM »

Hi April.  Youre right, I forgot about that!!! :D
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DuluthGA

  • Guest
Re: Disorder in American Courts ~~
« Reply #8 on: August 06, 2007, 11:00:18 PM »

 ;D  ;D ;D Laughter tears are streaming out of my eyes...
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