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Utter despair
SandyFla:
<My apologies for this post, but I've just got to get it out...>
I don't know what is going to become of me. I have been looking for a job for over a year and have been unemployed for almost a month. Attempts to start my own business have met with failure. Everything I do meets with failure. Since losing my job, I have been at peace and have been trusting God for bright new start - until today. I just lost it. Totally lost it. I feel like I'm going to end up becoming a bag lady, and thoughts of suicide sound good. I even know how I will do it.
I keep thinking about James 1:6-7 that says, "But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed. For let not that man think that he shall receive any thing of the Lord."
So, I guess, there's my answer.
But how can I stay positive and trust God 100% of the time when one thing after another fails? Plus, the feeling of utter hopelessness hits me so fast, I don't even see it coming. I can go from being happy and content one second, to utter despair the next. IN JUST ONE SECOND!!! How can I stop it from happening? I can't expect God to do anything for me if I have these shifting feelings, as the verses above state so clearly. So I might as well stop praying because it's a sham, and God knows it. How can He let me to fall into despair instantaneously, then expect me to "just snap out of it"? I CAN'T! It's a depression so deep and black, that I'm at the bottom before I have a chance to cry, "Lord, help me!" Why is God doing this to me? Maybe He does want me to kill myself. Maybe that is His will.
brandon h:
"And we know all good things work together for those that love God, to them that are called accordong to his purpose"(Rom 8-28)
SandyFla,
Do you believe you are called according to his purpose? I have been in a position similar to yours. In fact, my wife has as well. Your doing fine, then it's one negative thought after another. But, wouldn't you know that I look back and realize that through those times God instilled in me the spirit to be a fighter. To never lose hope in him. And trust me, it's still tested, almost daily.
The plans he has for you are too deep for you to see right now, and as a brother in the Lord, I pray that you will pray and rebuke tose suicidal thoughts out of your head! He has not left you. He will never forsake you. You will be stronger through this. Your foundation is being shaken. Sons and daughters of the kingdom can't be weak at heart, so he tests us constantly. And while it feels like our world is falling apart, we are becoming stronger. Not because we feel it but because he makes us weak. When we are trained in stepping out in weakness, we are all the more closer to God. I hope my post titled"FINALLY, my brethren, rejoice in the Lord", will encourage you. But regardless you have a fellowship here that will be praying for you to stand strong in the Truth. Keep us updated on how you are, and don't entertain those thoughts that come from the evil one.
We are here for you
God Bless
pylady:
Dear, dear sister,
Please, please do not do anything foolish. You will be in my prayers, and I know in the prayers of every brother or sister who reads your post. Please feel our arms around you to comfort you in the spirit.
I, too, have known depression. Life sometimes brings us to our knees, where all we can do is cry out to our Lord for mercy. And I have seen that while He does answer our prayers, most of the time it is not as fast as we would like it.
We want an immediate answer when we are suffering. But we must TRUST,
TRUST, TRUST in Him to give us relief at just the right time. It is so hard not to lean on our own understanding, but to blindly trust in Him. But we must.
And, really, dear sister, do we know what our life will be like tomorrow? Something could change tomorrow, or everything could change we don't know.
We are blind to what each day will bring for us. Tomorrow may be a wonderful day for you. If not, maybe next week. But it will come.
Please don't despair. We know our Lord loves us - He suffered and died to prove His love. And He has told us He knows what we need and will not abandon the righteous that seek Him. He tell us not to be anxious about tomorrow, but just take care of today.
One thing I noticed when I was feeling like you are now. My thoughts were continually negative, and out of control. Depression is literally all in our minds.
With prayer, and God's help we CAN control our thoughts. I have learned (and I have always had a tendency toward depression) that when I find myself spiralling down in my thoughts to immediately prayer for God's spirit for help to remove those thoughts from my mind. Then I have to replace those negative thoughts with positive thoughts. You may have to do this with almost every thought for awhile. But you will find after you do this for awhile the demons in your mind will leave you in peace. Reading the scriptures really helps!
But what helps most is to remember that this "experience of evil" which we call life is only our temporary life. Meditate on what your future will be like in or under God's kingdom. Think of all the people who have died who will have such wonderful stories to tell us, think of your ancestors you will get to meet. Think of what wonderful work God may have planned for us to do. Let your imagination take you there. It helps to think of exciting and happy times.
We cannot solve your financial problems for you. But know that you are loved.
You will be in my prayers. May our loving Father bring you relief soon.
With Christian love,
Cindy
DuluthGA:
I will be praying for you Sandy in the name of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.
I feel you are being tried and will come through it strengthened with spiritual growth. It will come, there is no doubt. :)
I don't know about your personal situation or family or what support you may have, but if you don't have any support and cannot find a job in your area and you would consider relocating to the Atlanta area, there is a spare room at my house for your needs.
May God's purposes be quick! Amen.
With Christian love,
Janice
gmik:
REJOICE IN THE LORD, AGAIN I SAY REJOICE
Sandy my heart goes out to you, I hurt w/ you. I take 2 different meds for depression/anxiety. I know the depths it can take you. BUT.....obey the Word!!!! Fake it till its real. Self talk ....
I CAN DO THIS. THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD...HE IS FAITHFUL TO ME...HE WILL PROVIDE...I AM WORTHY AS A PERSON..SO MUCH SO THAT HE DIED FOR ME etc etc repeat your favorite passages...
I can't stress this enough THINK POSITIVE THOUGHTS...know you are not alone and cast down those imaginations..
and thank you so much for getting it out- there is nothing wrong w/ that..actually it can be quite good for you-like feeling better after throwing up!!
We love you and DON'T GIVE UP.
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