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the big homosexual question....this is so hard to write

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neeter:
      I am just so confused. If you all will just hear me out with an open heart, I'll try my best to tell my story and ask for advice. I really need some guidance.
As a child i always felt different. I had crushes on female teachers.( If you can't tell by my nic name, I am a woman). In high school, I had a crush on my best friend. When I got brave enough to tell her how I felt, she dumped me. I was very very hurt . I didn't know what to do, so I just covered the pain with booze and went wild with a  group of people I felt comfortable with; gays and lesbians........including the bar scene.  I was raised in a Baptist chuch in the south, so I was taught to believe it was wrong.
     I joined the service at age 21, and "got saved" in an Assembly of God missionary church while overseas. There was a genuine change in my life. I worked hard to rid myself of the feelings I had. I prayed, I was anointed with oil, I had "demons" cast out. I did everything I could think of...therapy, hypnosis , trying to date men (who only seemed to be interested in being intimate, which i could NOT handle) At age 32 i finally just tried IT just to see what it was like.........not a good idea.   So I figured I would just be celibate. I did that until about 6 years ago (15 years alone).......I was miserable, lonely, depressed.............
     I met someone. She was nice...we were together 4 years. It was nice to have a significant other, until she had an affair and left me.A few years ago, I found Ray's website and it opened my eyes to a lot of false teaching I had learned. I sit here some nights and read until 5 or 6 am (I work 2nd shift).  I just joined the forum a week or so ago, and I was looking for anything that had been written about it. All I found was a few emails.
      I am in a situation now and have been praying for guidance ,and low and behold, Ray's latest paper is on just the subject I looking for.
        I don't know how to ask about this, I have spent a total of 20 years fighting this battle. I am tired, I am alone (but not lonely) I just want to give up sometimes. This post may be deleted, but i just want you all to know this is a sincere request for advice. I have spent many hours on the floor praying for deliverance. I don't have many friends; when my girlfriend left me , so did most of "our" friends. My "Christian" friends dumped me 6 years ago. 
        I don't even know what to ask for.......prayer? advice? someone who's "been there"?  ( I have been involved in several "ex-gay" ministries.. They don't work either, they just make you hate yourself more if you don't "change")

As an added note, Ricky's post hit home too. It is so hard to feel anything anymore......especially love........
 
thanks
neeter

lilitalienboi16:

--- Quote from: neeter on August 27, 2007, 01:59:35 AM ---      I am just so confused. If you all will just hear me out with an open heart, I'll try my best to tell my story and ask for advice. I really need some guidance.
As a child i always felt different. I had crushes on female teachers.( If you can't tell by my nic name, I am a woman). In high school, I had a crush on my best friend. When I got brave enough to tell her how I felt, she dumped me. I was very very hurt . I didn't know what to do, so I just covered the pain with booze and went wild with a  group of people I felt comfortable with; gays and lesbians........including the bar scene.  I was raised in a Baptist chuch in the south, so I was taught to believe it was wrong.
     I joined the service at age 21, and "got saved" in an Assembly of God missionary church while overseas. There was a genuine change in my life. I worked hard to rid myself of the feelings I had. I prayed, I was anointed with oil, I had "demons" cast out. I did everything I could think of...therapy, hypnosis , trying to date men (who only seemed to be interested in being intimate, which i could NOT handle) At age 32 i finally just tried IT just to see what it was like.........not a good idea.   So I figured I would just be celibate. I did that until about 6 years ago (15 years alone).......I was miserable, lonely, depressed.............
     I met someone. She was nice...we were together 4 years. It was nice to have a significant other, until she had an affair and left me.A few years ago, I found Ray's website and it opened my eyes to a lot of false teaching I had learned. I sit here some nights and read until 5 or 6 am (I work 2nd shift).  I just joined the forum a week or so ago, and I was looking for anything that had been written about it. All I found was a few emails.
      I am in a situation now and have been praying for guidance ,and low and behold, Ray's latest paper is on just the subject I looking for.
        I don't know how to ask about this, I have spent a total of 20 years fighting this battle. I am tired, I am alone (but not lonely) I just want to give up sometimes. This post may be deleted, but i just want you all to know this is a sincere request for advice. I have spent many hours on the floor praying for deliverance. I don't have many friends; when my girlfriend left me , so did most of "our" friends. My "Christian" friends dumped me 6 years ago. 
        I don't even know what to ask for.......prayer? advice? someone who's "been there"?  ( I have been involved in several "ex-gay" ministries.. They don't work either, they just make you hate yourself more if you don't "change")

As an added note, Ricky's post hit home too. It is so hard to feel anything anymore......especially love........
 
thanks
neeter

--- End quote ---

Hello neeter and welcome aboard, its good to have you here.

I wanted to tell you don't give up! God is with you, straight or gay, you are His child and He loves you.

I can say i've been there, not with being gay, but wanting to give up! No one said this road was easy neeter, and thats what you need to understand.

2 Timothy 3:12 "Yea, and all that will live godly in Christ Jesus shall suffer persecution."

Sometimes that persecution comes right from our own carnal minds neeter.

Romans 8:7 "Because the carnal mind is enmity against God: for it is not subject to the law of God, neither indeed can be."

We all have our sins we have to deal with, we are all in adam, and everything that was in adam, is in the world because the world comes from adam. Adam was the most carnal person on the face of this earth. Rest assured though, with God we can do all things, even overcome that which you struggle with everyday.

Philippians 4:13 "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me."

Trust Him neeter, He is working in you, the very fact you cry out for liberation from this bondage of sin and curroption shows us that you are not in as bad a condition you think. The very fact you want to change shows you that God is workin with you and in you! Don't give up! Hold on to Him!

Proverbs 3:5 "Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding."

My prayers are with you neeter, the words escape when it comes to such a subject, my knowledge only stretches so far, but in this God has not given me wisdom enough yet. All i know is that we are ALL SINNERS and fall short of His glory.

Romans 3:23 "For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God;"

That all includes every single human that has ever walked the face of this earth [save Jesus offcourse.]

You are not alone, i to like you am a sinner in need of salvation and deliverance.

My prayers and love are with you.

In Christ,

Alex

YellowStone:
Hi Neeter,

Please know that I value your openness and your honesty. I am not gay, but my life has been far from easy. God has put many things in my path that i have never been able to understand. Even today I do not understanding everything, but I know I have to trust him.

Please stay, I will never look down on you. You are no more or less than any other here, certainly no less than me.

Love to you in Christ, who knows us all.
Darren

josh:
You are accepted. You are loved. You are not alone.

Your value in God's eyes in not determined on what you are able to accomplish in your own power. 

Your value and worth have already been solidified in Christ.

Know you have people here who are willing to walk with you and pray for and with you.

God's Peace.
Josh

Beloved:
Hi Neeter

Every human on this planet has sinned. No sin is worse than another. WE all have to struggle with our sins.

The reason homosexuality seems to carry more burden is because sexuality is extremely personal. A prostitute is sinning but it more socially acceptable because it is an overindulgence of a natural act.

In the physical .....sex is an extremely complicated topic. There are seven layers to sexuality. The genetic determinant , the gonadal determination  the arrangement of internal organs,  the appearance of external organs, the embryoic brain mapping, the social /psychological and the spiritual.

Because of these layers there are a whole spectrum of expression in the physical world.


The world only see two sexes  and how they differ for example

Here comes an ugly bug 
 
Men are motor, they think in the present and are more logical in their approach to problems.     
Men take a stick and kill the bug

Females are sensual, think in the future and are more relational in problem solving   
The Female discuss the ramifications of the bug on life look for ways to keep them at bay and , then clean up the dead bug

Unfortunately the biological condition is not always that straight forward.
 
I recently treated an individual who was genetically a male but have blind vagina, who had testes and internal male organs and produced high levels of testosterone but whose externally appearance was a beautiful female who had with no beard or penis

Is this person sinning when they have sex with a normal male

Absolutely Not.  (By the way several famous movie stars have this condition)

There are many strange but rare conditions that occur in nature, that to the Babylonian religious types would be judged harshly.

Neeter take your eyes off the physical portion of your life and just meditate on Gods word and concentrate on Jesus, the Truth and the Way. Stop the self flagellation. We all have to look honestly at our lives. Our offense is against God not man.

I am heterosexual and even I can still appreciate the fact that I am more comfortable and feel safer around other women. You have just taken this further than I have.

I am not bragging but I can say that I have broken every physical commandment. ( I did not kill an adult but at one time I did abortions)

I also can say that I have broken them all spiritually as well. I have one nasty mind. I am glad that God prevented me from having a writing career because I could have put Stephen King and others to shame.

Right now I am dealing with anger, hate and gluttony. You are not alone in your fight. You just have a different opponent. You are exactly how God made you... and don't ask me why...I haven't a clue.

Psa 41:4  I said, LORD, be merciful unto me: heal my soul; for I have sinned against thee

Anger and Hate are two sides of a coin and they offend God because they are my attempt to bring revenge for a wrong, they both also add fuel to my pride.

Gluttony is an my attempt to satisfy my hunger/desire for the things of the world. It leads to the physical deterioration of my clay temple.

These are only two/three  of the things that I am dealing with presently.

I do not see homosexuality as only physical act but it is also spiritual. It is attempt to have a relationship with self. Please do not think that I am  judging you in any way.  I am fascinated by gender issues in the Bible.

Why did God deliver Eve out of Adam? How come there is no male or female in the Kingdom? Why did God make two sexes?

As Ray would say everything in the bible is a parable. It is never talking about what you think it is talking about.

Right now we are all trapped in our physical lives, only now God is revealing things to those whose eyes and ears are opened. We are all learning to deal with deeper spiritual issues.

Rays paper deals both with the secular world view as well as some christian groups interpretation of Gods word. Both can only understand the carnal aspects of the Law and not the spiritual significance.

I commend you on your honesty here on the forum...unlike Babylon I hope we can do more than love the sinner and hate the sin but that we can also have compassion for each other plights and personal struggles. 

Beloved
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