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sonofone:
I need to vent a little bit so here goes. I think my wife is choosing the church over me. It's not even the church for her. It is more the idea of being involved in church that she finds security in.When we attend church she seems bored out of her mind,she seems disinterested,she will find any reason to get up and get out of service,prayer.I get into the service more than she does and I could take it or leave it. I told her yesterday that I was only going to this church for now because I believe that God wants me to. But I cautioned her that if and when God says I can go that I am gone!To which she responded that she would stay if I decided to leave. This is the first time in our short five years of being married that I sense the separating of us. I feel like we are incompatible. I actually feel unequally yoked to my own wife if that is even possible.The strange thing is I could really care less. I would not hesitate for one second to leave the church we are attending if I thought that God was calling me to do it. I would let the chips fall where they may and Let God pick up the pieces. I love my wife,but she does not even come close to the love I have for God. I would not miss God for her or anyone. So I guess we are both choosing.I just needed to get that out.

dawnnnny:
Good morning SonOfOne,

What are you both choosing?  It sounds like she is choosing to stay in church, whereas you will probably one day leave.  To me, that certainly doesn't mean your marriage has to end.  If she were giving you an ultimatum (or vice versa) saying its my way or the highway, then yes - that would be problematic.  You love your wife, you committed to your relationship with her and I don't think God will call you out of that commitment just because she decides to stay in a church.  Remember, we are each in this journey alone with God - that includes your wife.  And hopefully her eyes will one day be open.  Until then, just love her, keep praying for her, and respect her wishes to remain where she is at, and hopefully she will respect yours.  I will be praying for both of you!!

LittleBear:
That was so well said Dawn!

Sonofone, I have to agree with Dawn. Why does this need to be so divisive? It's obvious your wife desires fellowship, and wants the security she feels in belonging to the church. Just love her, and let her know you love her. Let her go to church without making her feel guilty or giving her the sense that this is dividing the two of you. Your freedom and love for Christ and His truth can give you a greater love for her than ever. If she feels that from you, she just may be wooed into your way of thinking. Or not. That needs to be ok on your part though.

I'll be praying for the two of you also,

Ursula

 

sonofone:
Thanks for your responses. I guess in my venting I neglected to mention how my wife feels about church. She wants the fantasy of her whole family going to church, she was raised in church, her parents pastor a church. So in her own words, not mine. If I decide to leave church she feels it will have significant ramifications on our marriage, because that is not what she signed on to, or agreed to when we got married. As for me I could accept her going to church. I even have asked her to go to the church of her choosing,which is fine with me,but for her it is less about a personal relationship with God and more about the idea of us all going to church together,and that if I renege on this that I have broken our marital covenant. These are her feelings and her desires,not mine.In other words she is not at all OK with me not attending church with her.My wife has witnessed the whole bungling of the tithe issue by this church which I mention in this post. Her response is why say anything.She wants to question me as to why I question them! The other week the Pastor gets up and talks about how he could have stayed an extra day in Philadelphia and missed Church service for a chance at winning a BMW in a drawing that he could only win if he was present for.I asked my wife how could this be something to be applauded! I thought his calling was to be present to pastor the flock? Her response,he could have used it for a vacation day,so why would it have been wrong for him to stay and win the BMW!! As I said I feel unequally yoked to her in this moment. We are just travelling on two different trains right now.

LittleBear:
Hi Sonofone.....sorry.....I misunderstood. :-\

And I'm sorry that your wife feels that you not going to church will have serious ramifications on your marriage. This is a hard situation for you to be in. I will pray for you and your wife. This kind of thing seems to happen to many people on this forum.

P.S. Didn't your wife agree to love you and stay with you for better or for worse? There are a lot worse things than one's husband not going to church, and I have a hard time seeing that being a deal breaker, even in the eyes of the church.

Ursula

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