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May I share some of my “church” experiences with you?

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dessa:
My story has served its purpose so it needed to be removed.  Haven't gone anywhere.
Shalom,
dessa

lilitalienboi16:

--- Quote from: dessa on October 03, 2007, 05:36:20 PM ---Many times Mother told us four siblings to obey the Golden Rule.  “Do unto others as you would have others do unto you.”  We were also expected to be honest, not steal, be dependable, etc.  I considered myself a good person as I grew up.  Oh, and we did not attend a church.  Never as a family.  My concept of God was some entity far away.

My husband and I were married in a Baptist parsonage without family or friends present.  Ten years passed and our family increased to two daughters and a son.  Our family unit also did not attend a church.

It seems that we started attending a little Methodist church so that my husband could be on their ball team.  Anyway, we did begin attending Sunday School.  It seemed like a good idea to also go to ‘preaching’ occasionally.  I remember thinking that some church teachings must be for foolish, uneducated people.  On top of that, I didn’t need to be saved from my ‘sins’.

Some months after we became ‘church goers’ I believed a fourth child was on the way.  Very soon morning sickness would begin and I would not be able to attend.  Months would pass before the sickness left me.  And thoughts about wanting to be extra good during this time kept coming to me.  It occurred to me one Sunday morning while getting ready for church that going to the altar would be a good thing to do.  And today would be the last Sunday before my morning sickness began.

The pastor gave his routine ‘altar call’ at the end of his sermon.  Without hesitation I got up and was the lone person to go forward.  As I kneeled at the altar I thought, “What in the world am I doing down here?”  Immediately a loud (non audible) voice said to me, “Do you accept my Son, Jesus Christ?”  Within an instant my heart answered  “YES!”  I had walked down the aisle not believing in the deity of Jesus Christ and now I believed with all my heart.

My life was changed.  Weight was lifted from me and extreme joy with peace flooded my soul.  This spiritual high continued for two days.  And I soon learned I was not pregnant.

This I knew:  God wanted me to serve Him.  The only way I knew to serve at the time was to be a pastor.  After applying to the Methodist denomination for acceptance to begin studies for this position I eagerly waited for their response.  Two weeks later the letter came.  The only position possible for me was to serve as a missionary over seas and since I had children and my husband not a part of the request, my place was to take care of my family at home.  I was briefly disappointed but soon went on to other endeavors.

Leaders in the church were skirting a denominational requirement for receiving building funds.  When I discussed it with the pastor he said they were too far along to change direction.  This church’s ethics were lower than mine had been before I believed!  Sadly, we changed to another Methodist church hoping for better. 

My spiritual journey now became one filled with great joy and great sorrow.  While I was keeping a family together and studying to become a professional nurse, attending church was a low priority.  I had my membership removed after the second church questioned my absence and suggested I move to a church in the same town as my home address.

With my previous drafting experience, my RN license and my husband’s building business we were able to design, build and operate an Intermediate Care Facility for older people.  During this time I established a volunteer group for assisting women.  Phone calls from victims were received 24 hours a day on a special line at the ICF.   Each call was relayed to a volunteer with a pager.  Because I wanted to recruit help with this volunteering I attended a charismatic gathering with a friend.  Another personal change was about to begin. 

A fervor to study scripture was the result of my ‘recruiting effort’.  I remember basking in thinking I was some sort of special person when I ‘heard’ for me to remember Judas was chosen also.  Women could not participate in church gatherings to the degree I felt led to participate so trouble began to brew.  Eventually the pastor asked me to leave.

At this point I began to check out the government of many denominations.  The Assemblies of God seemed the way for me to pursue some sort of a spiritual life.  I was thrilled they backed female ministers and began taking the steps to become ordained.  During this time I believed God was leading me to help pioneer a church so when the church had a ‘split’ I chose to follow the ousted pastor.  My expectations to return later on were dashed.  I was publicly removed from the membership during a Sunday morning service.  Now there were two kick outs!

The startup AOG church was not working for me.  To prevent my friend from teaching Sunday School  because she smoked was too harsh for me.  Weren’t we all sinners?  By this time I was licensed to pastor a church so I went this direction.  We located in the now defunct ICF business building my husband and I owned.  This was unacceptable to my AOG superior because it was close to his church. 

My small congregation wanted to stay put and not be an Assemblies church.  And so I did not renew my credentials and we became non-denominational.  It didn’t take me long to know that God was not blessing this endeavor. 

Civic groups became more important to me than a church group.  One civic group met in a Lutheran church and again my spiritual needs won out.  I became a Lutheran!  All during these years my husband supported me to the fullest.  However, he never joined a church with me.

The lady Lutheran pastor was having personal difficulties and I let her outburst toward me turn me away from church participation again.  She has a special place in my heart because she is the only pastor with which I had unpleasant memories who asked (and received) my forgiveness for a wrong.

What a rocky walk my spiritual journey continued to be…

The onset of personal computers in the early 80s intrigued me.  My learning about them became a personal thing also.  I joined the Internet when leaving certain sites caused financial charges to begin for the user.  The capabilities of the present day PC and the Internet are still mind boggling to me.

Not long after leaving one church I would want to find another one where I could be reasonably content.  During an online search I came across a local Unitarian Universalist web site.  I could be different and still be accepted!   My husband and I began attending and I signed the membership book.

I immediately clicked with the female pastor.  While attending the services at UU I began to question my spiritual experience at the little Methodist church.  Had I ‘mind read’ the congregation that day and not heard from God?  My doubts lingered only a short time before my faith returned full force.  Leadership’s lack of compassion for the pastor grieved us.  We soon left that group also.  We were done with church going!  Sunday mornings were spent contentedly at home.

Ever had a thought that wouldn’t go away?  During our stay at home on Sunday mornings I had one where I kept seeing the unusual roof design for a United Church of Christ building.  I had designed the tall window behind the pulpit in this church.  Years had passed since I had worked as an architectural draftsman on the project!

The only way I could figure out why I kept having the vision was to visit the church one Sunday morning.  My church going started again!  And yes, I joined this UCC group.  My husband enjoyed the church as we attended together.  The congregation was small but my ability to ‘fit in’ was difficult.  I was a welcomed  newcomer but never really felt I belonged. 

While searching the Internet again I came across a large United Methodist church starting small group facilitator training.  I was given permission to attend.  My husband drove us to the church on a Friday prior to the next weekend training sessions.  It enabled me to know what time to leave home and what route to drive.  I attended the training almost in a stupor.  I had to attend because it was something my husband had helped me to do.  He died suddenly on Monday evening, his funeral was Thursday and by going to the training on Friday I had a sense of his presence.   He was an ex-American prison of WWII and the day after his death was 911.

For a while I attended both the UCC and the UM churches.  Five years ago I moved my membership to the United Methodist church.  As usual, I could not be content in this church for long.  While searching the Internet for something to satisfy my quest for God’s way to worship, I stumbled across the web site sponsoring this forum.  What a blessing it is now to be able to share some of my spiritual life with you.

Our Heavenly Father has blessed me over and over again.  Two weeks before 911 my husband and I talked about our faith.  He was an honest, hard working, family man with a Baptist background and experienced trauma quite young in the church.  Jesus Christ was not in his vocabulary.  When I asked him if he wanted to do what God wanted him to do he replied, “Yes, of course.”  His response gave me a peace because if God could make me a believer He could make whomever He wanted a believer.  All of my Christian friends, including one daughter, remain very quiet when I tell about this.  My daughter was even in tears about the fate of her father, and in her words, “He was such a good man.”

I am grateful for the web site with L. Ray Smith’s writings.  I never quite believed in a burning hell but the scripture backing my belief is so welcome!  And that ALL will be saved gives me great joy.  My days in this ‘tent’ will soon cease.  May the change come swiftly so that my children will not be burdened with my care.  Our Heavenly Father is my life but my children come a close second.

This previous “sinless” person now has sins that require daily forgiveness.  It has taken all my experiences to get me where I am today.  Many were omitted in this writing.  I could not have tolerated spiritual meat alone in my infancy.  My learning was greater during my stay with the charismatic group than any same time period since.  How are we to attract new believers with my kind of background?  I pray whomever God chooses for mapping out this course he/she will accept it with joy.  Shalom




--- End quote ---

Aw dessa, i'm sorry to hear about your husbad. I'm sure your children are very lucky to have you as there mother!

Knowing that so few have been given what we have, when it comes to knowing Christ, makes this gift so preciouse and something we are so thankful for. It's hard to understand why God chooses who He does, young and old, smart and dumb, strong and weak, quick and slow, who knows except God?

It truly makes me humbled to know that He has given me that chance to be comformed into the image of His Son in this lifetime.

I once heard ray say; "Its not about the quantity, but THE QUALITY." It doesn't matter when Christ comes to you with His marvelous light, It simply how WELL that light shines in you, when He does come, that matters!

God bless you and thanks for shareing!

A brother in Christ,

Alex

Jackie Lee:
God is blessing you and you blessed me with this post. :)

LittleBear:
Thank you for sharing, Dessa. :)

It's been quite a journey for you, and I thank God that He led you to BT and to this forum.

Ursula

DuluthGA:
Hi Dessa!

Very very interesting life experiences!  Thank you for sharing big time!

I have skim-read your post and will re-read tomorrow as I have to hop for now... 

Off I go into the night!!!!!!!!!  Am almost ready for sleepy time.

Will find out more about you and chat with you manyana!  Joy for your forum friendship!



With love in Christ, :)
Janice

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