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My time to die...

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dessa:
If you were one of my three children, what is your reaction to finding out that mama has her funeral all planned out?  I mean all the words to speak, songs to sing, obituary, etc.

My husband and I bought funeral plots, had markers laid, and paid for all the expenses for each one prior to his death.  Now I am wondering about my service. ..

At one time listing my membership in a church in my obituary was important to me because I wanted the reader to know I valued my relationship with God.  This is no longer important to me.  Having a professional minister in charge isn't either but someone needs to help my family.

My purpose for prearranging the celebration of my life is to be a help to my children.  And I know that for them to participate in this planning could be gratifying to my family.  My children are not believing along with me in my fresh spiritual hope but they would probably be happy with whatever mama wanted to do.  But on second thought I know one child does not want to see my grave plot and marker …

Shall I start planning or give this more thought?

eggi:
I wouldn't think too much about this.

Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment? (Mat 6:25 KJV)

I know only of one occasion in the Bible where we can read about funeral plans.

And the time drew nigh that Israel must die: and he called his son Joseph, and said unto him, If now I have found grace in thy sight, put, I pray thee, thy hand under my thigh, and deal kindly and truly with me; bury me not, I pray thee, in Egypt: But I will lie with my fathers, and thou shalt carry me out of Egypt, and bury me in their buryingplace. And he said, I will do as thou hast said. (Gen 47:29-30 KJV)

Other occasions anyone?

God bless you,
Eirik

hillsbororiver:
Hi Dessa,

You sound like my Mom!

She had just about everything planned and payed for, she requested a small family only service with me giving the eulogy (no minister), she knew it was going to be a stressful time for us and wanted to make it as simple as possible for us to get through it.

She even put aside money for everyone to go to her favorite restaurant after the service for a little farewell party, on her!

We would have made her proud as we sat around eating, drinking and even having some laughs relating our favorite stories and adventures together with her, even extended family had plenty of great stuff, my sister and I learned some things Mom had done behind the scenes with some of them that we were not aware of but were not surprised by.

Of course every situation is different but this worked for us and since she planned it it was if she was there with us the whole time.

His Peace to you,

Joe   

LittleBear:
Hi Dessa,

That sounds like a wonderful idea and a precious gift to your children.

I was speaking a few days ago with a chaplain who works with a community health agency, and I plied her with all sorts of questions because I wondered what she actually did. She works with people who are dying, usually with cancer and who have "spiritual needs."

Anyway, a lot of what she does is work with the patient to do just what you want to do, to pre-arrange the funeral and order of service, songs, eulogy etc. She says it really helps the family to go ahead and just follow because many people are unprepared and unsure what to do after their loved one dies. And so it does help tremendously. Sometimes she works as a conduit between the patient and their family and helps them talk about their feelings, their wishes, about death, about things that were never before said.

I think your children will appreciate this even if one of them doesn't want to talk about it right now.

Love,

Ursula

Deborah-Leigh:
Joe

I would have enjoyed it if my Mom had that idea about the restaurant afterwards! What a loving inspiration!

Dessa

My Mother was diagnosed with liver cancer and given six months to live. In the interim she did everything needed to be done. The four of us with our Dad, did what we had to do and my Mother arranged for gifts and assets to be apportioned to us all BEFORE she died. That was real good time management at its best. She also asked for the songs she desired and chose arranged for the Priest to officiate at her funeral that was only family. No one outside of family were permitted to have any news regarding her terminal cancer. She did not want any histrionics or drama. She did not want flowers either. She said the time to give flowers is in life not death.

So from experience, if I were one of your children, I would urge you to make all the arrangements so that there is no painful demands surrounding what could turn out to be three different ideas about which song to sing and so on. You are the matriarch and as a venerable woman in the lives of your children, so be one in death too. Like Joe's Mother did, leave your legacy to bring forth good fruits of peace of His Spirit as your inheritance to your children and take any possible burden of what swiftly appears mundane in the shadow of the loss of a loved one. You may want to consider leaving them the readings from http://bible-truths.com/death.htm I know I would have been very encouraged and comforted had this teaching reached my broken heart after I lost my Mother and Father.

Shalom.

peace to you

Arcturus :)

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