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What do i do? I need help.
lilitalienboi16:
Alright, well about a year and half ago the love of my life left me. She left, things havn't been the same since then. We hardly talk, i know she still has feelings for me, she tells me she misses me, but she acts so distant when i'm around her. I don't understand it. Shes done alot of things since she broke up with me that i never thought she would do. Shes had several boyfriends since me, but whats going on with me?
Since shes been gone, i havn't been able to feel anything towards any other girl, i think about her even now, and it's been quiet sometime since i've spoken with her or seen her. I mean this is why i'm writing. It's like a fire that burns me.. all the time. I can't stop or quench it. We do talk, but not often. It saddens me. I feel my heart is gone. I just don't understand whats going on inside of me, i love this girl to death, and i know it inside. I break down and cry sometimes because i miss her so much. The feelings will just hit me randomly. I remember God telling me, 'I have put it in your heart to desire her.' These words are so true, no matter how beautiful the next girl is, i just can't seem to stop thinking about jacqueline. I mean it could be the most beautiful model, and my mind will start to think of jacqueline, my heart is empty, and i won't feel anything for this super model girl. I feel like such a heartless fellow around women now. Yes i do have the lust of the flesh still, but thats about all thats there. I mean i could seriously do something with a girl, and walk away and not feel one little drop of emotion or sentiment or love for her in anyway. I always end up coming back to jacqueline.What i'm trying to say is that it doens't seem to matter who the girl is, i can't seem to feel anything for them. And believe me, i'm not TRYING to FORCE myself to feel anything, or FIND ANYONE, i just NOTICE these things, after this past year and half. I've met plenty of women as well, and it's just like my heart is gone. Jacqueline ran away with it and never gave it back.. and now.. i feel so heartless, i feel very empty, and i miss her to death.
I just don't know what to do... I don't even know what answer i'm looking for, i don't even know why i write this.. its not like shes magicaly gonna come back to me. Perhaps i'm looking for hope, comfort. It's the worse feeling to feel so empty. Yes i say that, knowing Christ, i know.. i must be a fake or something, i don't know, but this hole just won't be filled. Even with Christ, i cannot deny that my pain and suffering is gone, it's been there all along, i've just been covering it up with anything i can, trying to pertend its not there. I hate not being true either, i can't stand lieng ot myself and saying 'You don't need her, she doesn't deserve you, your better then her, she was a jerk and a nutcase anyway' because i know all these words aren't true, and that i just have this burning in my heart for her, she was my everything. Now i have nothing, because she is gone, i don't know what to do.. i cry out to the Lord everynight.. and all i remmeber is 'I have put it in your heart to desire her, and she is yours as you are mine.' Yet i feel filled with doubt and fear, i doubt because i fear... i fear that i'm only hearing what i want to hear, and that theres no possible way this could be the Lord speaking to me.. how can i know she i smine? we are a million miles apart now, i see no hope in this, and yet without her, i am incomplete, nothing, empty, heartless.
Again i don't know what i'm looking for here, i just want to hold her again and be everything for her, becaus e she is everything to me.
God bless and thanks for listening.
Alex
Beloved:
Well I may not be an expert in this area Alex but I know for one thing nothing is going to happen if you are both going in different directions.
First I would try to find ways of being around her..if she moving offer to help her move.....just be a good and honest friend..do your best to be like you were ...when she first was attracted to you....do not press for more. If a person has many needs of their own they may be overwhelmed by a more needy person
You also need to address the reason why she left you...can that reason be corrected? If you say it was all her idea...you need to look closer at yourself .....no decision is without cause. Are you too possessive and she was feeling smothered? Whatever the reason there are usually lots of clues before it happens...you may have missed them.
Your problem right now is that you are incapable of logical analytical thinking that men are suppose to major in....your emotions are in control. Beware you maybe following in the footsteps of Samson or David even Adam.
You need to pray for strength. Your carnal side can be bridled.
(2Co 12:9 KJVR) And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
(2Co 12:10 KJVR) Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.
Oh Alex many of us older ones really feel for your pain and anxiety.......when you are young....you have limited experiences to fall back on for comfort and support but remember that GOD'S WILL...WILL BE DONE.....
We will all pray for you in this spirit
Beloved
dessa:
Alex, may I add an 'amen' to the words written by Beloved? dessa
lilitalienboi16:
--- Quote from: Beloved on October 20, 2007, 11:08:15 PM ---Well I may not be an expert in this area Alex but I know for one thing nothing is going to happen if you are both going in different directions.
First I would try to find ways of being around her..if she moving offer to help her move.....just be a good and honest friend..do your best to be like you were ...when she first was attracted to you....do not press for more. If a person has many needs of their own they may be overwhelmed by a more needy person
You also need to address the reason why she left you...can that reason be corrected? If you say it was all her idea...you need to look closer at yourself .....no decision is without cause. Are you too possessive and she was feeling smothered? Whatever the reason there are usually lots of clues before it happens...you may have missed them.
Your problem right now is that you are incapable of logical analytical thinking that men are suppose to major in....your emotions are in control. Beware you maybe following in the footsteps of Samson or David even Adam.
You need to pray for strength. Your carnal side can be bridled.
(2Co 12:9 KJVR) And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
(2Co 12:10 KJVR) Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.
Oh Alex many of us older ones really feel for your pain and anxiety.......when you are young....you have limited experiences to fall back on for comfort and support but remember that GOD'S WILL...WILL BE DONE.....
Beloved
--- End quote ---
Thank you beloved.
The thing is with jacqueline and i, is we truly are a peculiar couple. I started off as major jerk, believing in abortion, without God, and she changed me for the better. I am so much a better person now, but as i become better, as i became a better 'husband' as Christ would be to the church, things began to fall apart. The more loveing and careing i became, the less of a jerk i became, the less heartless i became, the more she began to fall away from me. How can i go back to that? I was discusting them, though i am now, i was far greater a beast then, than i am now. It's hard to explain. She left me after 2 and half years because , 'she didn't love me.' She told me many times that it wasn't me, That i was to good for her, but i wanted her, i didn't care, i told her it was only her for me, and she loved me for it, but there was something inside her that caused her to get angry with the Christ like behavior in me... when i am around her, i am changed, i become filled with Christ's spirit, so loveing and careing, i would die for her. This isn't even 'LUST' though i'm sure its not love in its purest form, because her and i, its not even about the physical aspect, it was all about who she was inside, and who i was when i was around her.
The reason jacqueline was so different then all the other girls is because 'SHE BROUGHT OUT THE BEST IN ME.' No girl ihave ever met, to this day, or before her, ever did that to me.. and now she is gone, but when i do see her, those few times i do, she still has that affect on me, and its amazing, and i know she is someone very special, different then all the rest, and i will never forget that.. even if i never see her again.
Btw she isn't moveing, we go to the same school, but spiritualy, we are miles apart, not physically.
Thanks for your words, our relationship is an interesting one we had... it was very different then your typical hihgshcool college relationship.. but then again, i'm not a very normal guy it terms of this world..
With love,
Alex
Bradigans:
--- Quote from: lilitalienboi16 on October 20, 2007, 08:23:11 PM ---Alright, well about a year and half ago the love of my life left me. She left, things havn't been the same since then. We hardly talk, i know she still has feelings for me, she tells me she misses me, but she acts so distant when i'm around her. I don't understand it. Shes done alot of things since she broke up with me that i never thought she would do. Shes had several boyfriends since me, but whats going on with me?
Since shes been gone, i havn't been able to feel anything towards any other girl, i think about her even now, and it's been quiet sometime since i've spoken with her or seen her. I mean this is why i'm writing. It's like a fire that burns me.. all the time. I can't stop or quench it. We do talk, but not often. It saddens me. I feel my heart is gone. I just don't understand whats going on inside of me, i love this girl to death, and i know it inside. I break down and cry sometimes because i miss her so much. The feelings will just hit me randomly. I remember God telling me, 'I have put it in your heart to desire her.' These words are so true, no matter how beautiful the next girl is, i just can't seem to stop thinking about jacqueline. I mean it could be the most beautiful model, and my mind will start to think of jacqueline, my heart is empty, and i won't feel anything for this super model girl. I feel like such a heartless fellow around women now. Yes i do have the lust of the flesh still, but thats about all thats there. I mean i could seriously do something with a girl, and walk away and not feel one little drop of emotion or sentiment or love for her in anyway. I always end up coming back to jacqueline.What i'm trying to say is that it doens't seem to matter who the girl is, i can't seem to feel anything for them. And believe me, i'm not TRYING to FORCE myself to feel anything, or FIND ANYONE, i just NOTICE these things, after this past year and half. I've met plenty of women as well, and it's just like my heart is gone. Jacqueline ran away with it and never gave it back.. and now.. i feel so heartless, i feel very empty, and i miss her to death.
I just don't know what to do... I don't even know what answer i'm looking for, i don't even know why i write this.. its not like shes magicaly gonna come back to me. Perhaps i'm looking for hope, comfort. It's the worse feeling to feel so empty. Yes i say that, knowing Christ, i know.. i must be a fake or something, i don't know, but this hole just won't be filled. Even with Christ, i cannot deny that my pain and suffering is gone, it's been there all along, i've just been covering it up with anything i can, trying to pertend its not there. I hate not being true either, i can't stand lieng ot myself and saying 'You don't need her, she doesn't deserve you, your better then her, she was a jerk and a nutcase anyway' because i know all these words aren't true, and that i just have this burning in my heart for her, she was my everything. Now i have nothing, because she is gone, i don't know what to do.. i cry out to the Lord everynight.. and all i remmeber is 'I have put it in your heart to desire her, and she is yours as you are mine.' Yet i feel filled with doubt and fear, i doubt because i fear... i fear that i'm only hearing what i want to hear, and that theres no possible way this could be the Lord speaking to me.. how can i know she i smine? we are a million miles apart now, i see no hope in this, and yet without her, i am incomplete, nothing, empty, heartless.
Again i don't know what i'm looking for here, i just want to hold her again and be everything for her, becaus e she is everything to me.
God bless and thanks for listening.
Alex
--- End quote ---
Try meditating on THE WORD. The Spirit will speak consolation to your heart. Psalm 1:2, Psalm 63:6, Psalm 119:15, Psalm 119:148. You're tender enough now, where I believe THE WORD will speak to your heart. Do you have any favorite verses? Read the Bible and through out the day or night meditate on favorite verses.
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