Rules for dieting

[Matt]

In honor of Thankgiving (my wife and I have at least 50 Marines over every year) I thought the following would bring a smile or two!


If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.

If you drink diet soda with candy bars, the calories in the candy bar are cancelled out by the diet soda.

When you eat with someone else, calories don't count as long as you don't eat more than they do.

Food used for medicinal purposes never counts, such as hot chocolate, toast, and Sara Lee cheesecake.

If you fatten up the people around you, then you look thinner.

Movie-related foods do not have additional calories because they are part of the entire entertainment package and are not part of one's personal intake. Examples are Milk Duds, buttered popcorn, Junior Mints, Red Hots and Tootsie Rolls.

Cookie pieces contain no calories. The process of breaking cookies causes caloric leakage.

Things licked off knives and spoons have no calories if you are in the process of preparing something. Examples are peanut butter on a knife while making a sandwich, or ice cream on a spoon while making a sundae.

Foods that have the same color have the same number of calories. For instance, spinach and pistachio ice cream, cauliflower and whipped cream.

Note: Chocolate is a universal substitute and may be used in place of any other food.

[UncleBeau]

Not to mention, anything you eat at night isn't part of your "daily" intake.

[Deborah-Leigh]

Funny Uncle Beau and Matthew!

[Phil3:10]

The only diet that works is if it tastes good, spit it out.

[musicman]

The only diet that works is if it tastes good, spit it out.

Wrong!!  Live a little.

Just run a mile the following day for every 100 callories of intake.

That'll learn ya!!

[musicman]

Well, I try to practice what I foolishly preach.  After stuffing my face yesterday and this morning I rode my bike several miles.  This includes over the Key Biscayne bridge down here in Miami.  I probably burned many calories but not enough to make up for yesterday.  I should have taken the approach of so many Hollywood wanabees.  Had I stuffed my face immediately before riding over and back of that beast of a bridge my problems would have been solved.  This is because I would have definately vomited the entire load consumed, right into the bay.  UUUUUgggghhhh.  No. .  .. .No

Don't do it folks!!!!

It's not worth it!!!



It's really, really bad for your health to do that!!!


And discusting, too!!



Oh man,  I shouldn't have said anything!!


Just forget it!!


Oh!!!


I'm so embarrassed.