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[Sorin]

I really don't know where to begin. I'm just really struggling with sin, with my beliefs, with my health, with everything.
I struggle just to continue to live. I mean I want to live, and lead a good, clean, and sober life. But I just don't see much of a future
for me. I've prayed to God to help me, to help me to change, and to forgive me, but it feels like all my prayers are in vain.
Because I just go back to doing the things I've tried not doing. It's like I have a double mind, and I believe Joe made a thread about
that before.

I feel like a hypocrite even being here, because while my intentions in returning to this site were sincere; I stumbled, and fell into sin yet again. That's why I want to come clean, and ask for your prayers. Because I don't want to be a hypocrite,  and I do need some help.

It's not so much a matter of whether or not I believe in God, it's more a matter of me believing that I am of any importance to God.
I know Jesus died for the sins of the world, yet I find it hard to include myself in it. It just feels like I am excluded because I've screwed
up too many times to be forgiven. Or perhaps, I am accursed of God and that's why things are going so badly for me. And it's not like I am innocent or anything, so it's possible I suppose. But then why me, and not others who are even worse sinners, like child molesters, murderers, etc... ? And I know that if you break one part of God's law you are guilty of all, so technically there are no worse sinners than me, or I am no better than a child rapist, serial killer, etc...
But that still doesn't explain why things are going so badly for me, and not for others.

I mean there are people who blaspheme Christ with the passion, and curse God and they lead better lives than me who doesn't curse God but struggles with sin. And I know that Jesus' disciples aren't promised glamorous lives here on earth, but there are many followers of Christ, and I mean people who are 'real followers of Christ', whose lives are much better than mine. I mean people who really picked up their crosses and followed Him, and didn't stumble along the way. Not saying I have a problem with people having good lives, just saying that it appears people who blaspheme God have good lives here on earth, and people who follow Christ have good lives, or at least some. So, where do I fit in?

Isn't God in control of all things? In control of our lives? And all things in our lives? So then, He is punishing me, because He is definitely
not blessing me. I just hope He is not cursing me, because I hope things will get better...

Thanks for reading, and for praying {in advance}

-Sorin

[Robin]

You are in my prayers Sorin.

It's hard to see the blessings when we are stuck in the mud and the mire. I can see them now in hindsight though. The things I used to see as curses I now see as blessings.

Psalm 69:13-15

13 But I pray to you, O LORD,
       in the time of your favor;
       in your great love, O God,
       answer me with your sure salvation.

 14 Rescue me from the mire,
       do not let me sink;
       deliver me from those who hate me,
       from the deep waters.

 15 Do not let the floodwaters engulf me
       or the depths swallow me up
       or the pit close its mouth over me.


Psalm 40:1-3
1 I waited patiently for the LORD;
       he turned to me and heard my cry.
 2 He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
       out of the mud and mire;
       he set my feet on a rock
       and gave me a firm place to stand.

 3 He put a new song in my mouth,
       a hymn of praise to our God.
       Many will see and fear
       and put their trust in the LORD.

[Deborah-Leigh]

Hello Sorin

What you describe I can  also relate to. No one wins against the struggle until God delivers. It is in His Power and time and purpose and plan that He will deliver all from the bondage of sin and until then, He is teaching us obedience, humility, surrender, trust, patience and endurance.

Regarding seeing others and comparing your self. I do not believe you need not do that. You have a purpose and God has a plan for you and He is teaching you by direct experience what it feels like to be weak, to fail and to fall. Many do such things and do not even know it. Connecting to the pain and reality of such experiences has its value I believe. Who knows, God may be preparing you to be of use to others who are going through what you are feeling at some future date where you will need to recall the pain and suffering in order to empathise with others.

Psalms 37:1 Fret not yourself because of evildoers, neither be envious against those who work unrighteousness. 2. For they shall soon be cut down like the grass, and  wither as the green herb.3 Trust, lean on, rely on, and be confident I the Lord and do good…..

God is in control of everything.  Gods ways are not our ways and His thoughts are not our thoughts so what you think is not what God thinks and what  you believe is not the way things are. Gods ways are that through trials and tribulation we must enter His Kingdom.

I’d say you are right on track. God knows exactly where you are, how you feel and what you think before you even think it!

It is God who is in control who will cause you to change your mind, your heart and your understanding in the moment, time and circumstances He has individually purposed for you as He has done for us all. 

Peace be to you

Arcturus

[Dennis Vogel]

I've prayed to God to help me, to help me to change, and to forgive me, but it feels like all my prayers are in vain.

Sorin, you mean?

Rom 7:15  For that which I do I allow not: for what I would, that do I not; but what I hate, that do I.

Believe me, you are not the only sinner on this forum. We all struggle.

Quit trying to do will yourself into submission. That too is vanity and cannot be done. God is still showing you what you really are, and it will probably take many more years.

Many years ago someone taught me that my thoughts are not mine alone. When a bad thought pops into your head, just say to yourself "that's not my thought." Works for me.

I also learned to look at any sin as though I was a third person. So, when you sin, simply step back and look at it as if you are an interested party.

Hang in there.



Dennis

[rk12201960]

Hi Sorin,
You;re learning. No one on their own has the power or will to do whats right.
satan is allowed to use others to misguide you, just because some have a better life than others doesn't mean that God favors then over us. Think about it, if the understanding of the satan church is correct that we can EARN  our salvation that makes God a liar. You have to work out your salvation and I see that going on now.
You are where you need to be, understanding and applying is both gifts from God and not from us.

Also if of the church of satan is correct than he really must have hated Jesus.
You are learning in Gods speed not yours or ours.
Keep'em flying, God knows where you are.

Randy

[hillsbororiver]

Hi Sorin,

Arcturus and Dennis gave some wise council and I can only say that I have struggles, temptations and feelings of abandonment at times too, this is not an easy journey. I remember Ray answering an email to a person who felt very much like what you are communicating and his reply was something like "If you are thinking about these things, spiritual things then you are being called to Him, the very fact that you care and are concerned about your journey with the Lord means He is working in you." That is not an exact quote but I remind myself of this every time I stumble or have feelings of despair or just feel unsettled.

I know my life has changed very much in the last couple years, the thoughts I entertain most of the time now were light years away before the scales started to fall off of my eyes, when I look back the only times I really sought God was when I was in some sort of trouble or a loved one was dying or very ill, but even that was not sincere as soon as the situation improved or was over in some way or another I returned to my own careless, carefree ways, now I cannot stop thinking and meditating on spiritual matters, even if I think I want to.

Take comfort in the fact that He is working in you, it won't always be comfortable but the end result will be glorious, not here with temporary, tarnished things of this earth but immortal, everlasting Sonship with the Almighty God. It may seem long, arduous and tedious now but it will seem a very small price for the riches He has in store for you at your inheritence.

His Peace and Wisdom to you,

Joe
  

[hillsbororiver]

Good points Randy. 

I see we posted within seconds of each other.

Peace,

Joe

[Kat]

Hi Sorin,

Solomon was one of the wisest men to ever lived and this is what he decide about all his worldly wisdom.

Ecc 1:2  Nothing makes sense! Everything is nonsense. I have seen it all-- nothing makes sense!
Ecc 1:3  What is there to show for all of our hard work here on this earth?
Ecc 1:8  All of life is far more boring than words could ever say. Our eyes and our ears are never satisfied with what we see and hear.
Ecc 1:13  With all my wisdom I tried to understand everything that happens here on earth. And God has made this so hard for us humans to do.
Ecc 1:14  I have seen it all, and everything is just as senseless as chasing the wind.
Ecc 1:15  If something is crooked, it can't be made straight; if something isn't there, it can't be counted.
Ecc 1:16  I said to myself, "You are by far the wisest person who has ever lived in Jerusalem. You are eager to learn, and you have learned a lot."
Ecc 1:17  Then I decided to find out all I could about wisdom and foolishness. Soon I realized that this too was as senseless as chasing the wind.
Ecc 1:18  The more you know, the more you hurt; the more you understand, the more you suffer.
Ecc 2:3  I wanted to find out what was best for us during the short time we have on this earth.
Ecc 6:9  It's better to enjoy what we have than to always want something else, because that makes no more sense than chasing the wind.
Ecc 6:10  Everything that happens was decided long ago. We humans know what we are like, and we can't argue with God, because he is too strong for us.
Ecc 6:11  The more we talk, the less sense we make, so what good does it do to talk?
Ecc 7:8  Something completed is better than something just begun; patience is better than too much pride.
Ecc 7:9  Only fools get angry quickly and hold a grudge.
Ecc 7:10  It isn't wise to ask, "Why is everything worse than it used to be?"
Ecc 7:11  Having wisdom is better than an inheritance.
Ecc 7:12  Wisdom will protect you just like money; knowledge with good sense will lead you to life.
Ecc 7:13  Think of what God has done! If God makes something crooked, can you make it straight?
Ecc 7:14  When times are good, you should be cheerful; when times are bad, think what it means. God makes them both to keep us from knowing what will happen next.
Ecc 7:15  I have seen everything during this senseless life of mine. I have seen good citizens die for doing the right thing, and I have seen criminals live to a ripe old age.
Ecc 7:16  So don't destroy yourself by being too good or acting too smart!
Ecc 7:17  Don't die before your time by being too evil or acting like a fool.
Ecc 7:18  Keep to the middle of the road. You can do this if you truly respect God.
Ecc 9:11  Here is something else I have learned: The fastest runners and the greatest heroes don't always win races and battles. Wisdom, intelligence, and skill don't always make you healthy, rich, or popular. We each have our share of bad luck.
Ecc 9:12  None of us know when we might fall victim to a sudden disaster and find ourselves like fish in a net or birds in a trap.
Ecc 12:11  Words of wisdom are like the stick a farmer uses to make animals move. These sayings come from God, our only shepherd, and they are like nails that fasten things together.
Ecc 12:12  My child, I warn you to stay away from any teachings except these. There is no end to books, and too much study will wear you out.
Ecc 12:13  Everything you were taught can be put into a few words: Respect and obey God! This is what life is all about.
Ecc 12:14  God will judge everything we do, even what is done in secret, whether good or bad.

Solomon was a very wise man, but he did not understand the whole plan of God.  He did not know about the salvation of all. 
You have a better understanding of God's plan for humanity, than Solomon did or most of the rest of the world! 

Col 3:1  If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God.
Col 3:2  Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth.

mercy, peace and love
Kat

[rk12201960]

Thanks Joe, you hit the nail on the head,
I was thinking on the same thoughts you posted today at work.
Its a beautiful thing to see God working in 3 people almost at the same time,
\Sorin everything happens for a reason like tonight, I would think God is helping more than use on this issue of understanding. I[
I'm sure some of those who read are being helped out with this understand. We are the light and vessels of God to do as He see fits.

Gods speed.
Randy

[rk12201960]

Great post Kat.
Beautiful scriptures and thoughts. 
Randy

[Sorin]

Thanks guys for the wise council and for your prayers. I must also say that I now look at my past, and all the stupid, terrible choices I've made, and everything that happened to me, or I've done to others; in a new way. Because nothing could have been avoided. I believe Ray
said that our choices are determined for us. By time, chance, circumstance, etc...
So it's not like I have free will and made all those choices without any causation. I guess, as you guys said, it's all for a purpose, a reason,
and no one that didn't live my life will have the same understanding of certain things, if they didn't go through, or do certain things.


Thanks for taking the time to read and reply,

-Sorin

[jER]

"Be praying unintermittingly," for you!

Your friend in Christ,
JER

[Sorin]

Thank you JER, I appreciate it.

God bless,

Sorin

[lilitalienboi16]

I really don't know where to begin. I'm just really struggling with sin, with my beliefs, with my health, with everything.
I struggle just to continue to live. I mean I want to live, and lead a good, clean, and sober life. But I just don't see much of a future
for me. I've prayed to God to help me, to help me to change, and to forgive me, but it feels like all my prayers are in vain.
Because I just go back to doing the things I've tried not doing. It's like I have a double mind, and I believe Joe made a thread about
that before.

I feel like a hypocrite even being here, because while my intentions in returning to this site were sincere; I stumbled, and fell into sin yet again. That's why I want to come clean, and ask for your prayers. Because I don't want to be a hypocrite,  and I do need some help.

It's not so much a matter of whether or not I believe in God, it's more a matter of me believing that I am of any importance to God.
I know Jesus died for the sins of the world, yet I find it hard to include myself in it. It just feels like I am excluded because I've screwed
up too many times to be forgiven. Or perhaps, I am accursed of God and that's why things are going so badly for me. And it's not like I am innocent or anything, so it's possible I suppose. But then why me, and not others who are even worse sinners, like child molesters, murderers, etc... ? And I know that if you break one part of God's law you are guilty of all, so technically there are no worse sinners than me, or I am no better than a child rapist, serial killer, etc...
But that still doesn't explain why things are going so badly for me, and not for others.

I mean there are people who blaspheme Christ with the passion, and curse God and they lead better lives than me who doesn't curse God but struggles with sin. And I know that Jesus' disciples aren't promised glamorous lives here on earth, but there are many followers of Christ, and I mean people who are 'real followers of Christ', whose lives are much better than mine. I mean people who really picked up their crosses and followed Him, and didn't stumble along the way. Not saying I have a problem with people having good lives, just saying that it appears people who blaspheme God have good lives here on earth, and people who follow Christ have good lives, or at least some. So, where do I fit in?

Isn't God in control of all things? In control of our lives? And all things in our lives? So then, He is punishing me, because He is definitely
not blessing me. I just hope He is not cursing me, because I hope things will get better...

Thanks for reading, and for praying {in advance}

-Sorin

Hi brother sorin!

I wanted to let you know, that you are not alone in this. I feel like a hypocrit so much of the time, and i can't stand it! I hate it! I too feel like God ignores me, or doesn't hear me.. but i know that is the beast truly takeing advantage of my weak situation.

Well i know your asking for prayer, and i will pray for you! I just wanted to tell you, you are not alone dear brother! Christ is with us, and when we hurt, He hurts with us! I don't know if there is a verse for that.. but i certainly feel its true. He carries our burdens for us, and He feels the pain, the shame, the sorrow, the regret, the suffering that we feel, and He knows we are crying to Him, and He will answer us, we just have to remember to be patient and wait on Him. I know.. its easier said than done =/

God be with you dear brother.

In Christ,

Alex

[Deborah-Leigh]

The verse that comes to mind that you might be refering to Alex is perhaps this one.

Heb 4 : 15 For we don not have a High Priest Who is unable to understand and sympathize and have a shared feeling with our weaknessess and infirmities and  liability to the assaults of tempations, but One Who has been tempted in every respect as we are yet without sinning.

Peace to you

Arcturus

[Sorin]

Thank you Alex, I appreciate it bro.  And you too Arcturus for that Scripture.

God bless,

Sorin

[skydreamers]

Hi Sorin,

I think that what Dennis said nails it for me:

Many years ago someone taught me that my thoughts are not mine alone. When a bad thought pops into your head, just say to yourself "that's not my thought." Works for me.

For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh,) dwells no good thing: for to will is present with me; but how to perform that which is good I find not. For the good that I would I do not: but the evil which I would not, that I do.

But if I do what I do not desire, it is no more I that do it, but sin that dwells in me.

I find then a law, that, when I would do good, evil is present with me.

For I delight in the law of God after the inward man: But I see another law in my members, warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin which is in my members.
Romans 7:18-23

Hang in there, we're all in the same boat...

Praying for you,
Peace,
Diana

[Sorin]

Thank you, Diana. For that post, and for your prayers.

God bless,

Sorin